21 April 2011

There's no throwing it away!

Before I start with content, I have some exciting news (well, exciting for me). I've been reviewed and accepted to the site 20sb (20-something bloggers- for bloggers aged 20-29) after a few days of waiting!! I kept watching for them to accept me, and I finally got an email saying I was accepted. Yay!! I don't know their process, but to be a member of a blogging community is kinda exciting.

I also am a little nervous about something- I got a packet containing a graduate school application in the mail today!

I did request one, so this wasn't a surprise, but....I'm not sure if I'll make it! I'm really nervous about the whole thing, because I had turbulent times in the middle of my university years, which brought my grade point average down tremendously, low enough that I can't redeem it before I complete my courses in August. I'd need an adequate score on the GRE (graduate readiness exam, for those who don't know; high score because I have such a low GPA, below their admission threshold), plus I'd have to write a 4-6 page paper, 3+ letters of recommendation, and, of course, the application itself; they also said there is a potential interview.

I don't want to rush into this though, I'm going to try to take some time to get a job and get on my feet a bit before I start that phase, which is something I really desire to do. I am almost desperate for an MSW (masters' in social work) with a concentration in Mental Health. I want to be a therapist/counselor, and I'd like to have my own place as an LMSW that has night and weekend hours (so people don't have to schedule during work/school- a lot of places don't offer those hours!). So they're having a little grad school thing August 6 that I plan on going to, to see if I can find out any more info. I'd also like to know if my social work GPA counts for anything- seeing as it's a 3.7!- and find out if there is any way to waive the classes that I got As in so I don't have to retake them. I know that you can waive them if you are unconditionally admitted, but considering my GPA, I wouldn't be "unconditional," even though I've excelled in my social work courses. Just another question I'm too scared to call and ask. *blush*

I am extremely attached to my things. Big things, little things, important things, insignificant things. I keep movie ticket stubs, I keep clothes that don't fit (using the reason that they might fit me again someday- and when I look at them, I feel an urge to somehow get back to my lower weight once more), I keep books and movies, We still have my old TV in the house (TV/VCR combo- no DVD! I think they're extinct....it's an 11inch, too). For some reason, in my mind, it is rational to keep everything that may be of use sometime in the future, whether it be tomorrow or 20 years from now. A bit crazy, I know. I can't part with these things, though

It's getting to the point where my room is overstuffed with things. I have storage in my window seat (bay window in my bedroom....cool, right?), and I don't even know what's in there anymore, but I know it's something I once found important to keep for the future. My bookshelf cannot hold anymore books unless I start stacking them on top of each other, and I've got book/notebook/binder storage at my desk too. I have all my class notes in one notebook or another- and I can't take notes in the same notebook 2 semesters, because then I've got 2 classes in one notebook, and I lose notes. This may be of importance, especially for my social work stuff, but why am I concerned about my calculus notes, six years after taking the class? I have no idea. But I keep them anyway. I also keep my [social work] textbooks (but not the others, unless the bookstore won't buy them back from me).

Admission letters, certificates for everything from AB honor roll in middle school to admission to college, bank statements (you're supposed to keep those, though, right?), pay stubs, I have so many things filed away that I doubt I could find them if I needed them.....but I might need them someday!! So I have lots of stuff, and it needs to be cleaned up. The most relevant, necessary stuff, I have no problems finding, it's the stuff that I don't typically use that I'm worried about.

When I do have to part with something, it is usually a very emotional occasion for me. I get very upset, and I feel like I am losing a part of myself. Of course, this is not logical, but it's what goes through my mind. I haven't learnt to stop that yet! I've been told I should be on an episode of hoarders. Not funny. Ok, maybe a little, but still.

I also have a massive problem with hoarding pens and pencils. I also hoard other little things, like notebooks, air fresheners, books, bracelets, shoes (but I think that's a lady thing), hair products, pillows, lotions, SODAS!! Every time I see something I think is uber amazing, I must get it. I must find a way. If I have to skip a meal, fine. I cannot, though, ever sacrifice my morning and evening stops at QuikTrip (filling station for those not familiar with it). I fill my bottle with 1 flavor smoothie or icee (substitutes for ice- I hate ice; usually Melon-Berry, Blue Raspberry, or Wild Cherry), most of the way with Diet Pepsi, and the rest with vanilla flavoring. Then I usually grab something small with it, something I can consume in my car, as well as a drink for when I finish my Pepsi.

I'm an impulsive shopper. I've been working on it. I've improved, but still could use some work. If I had a paycheck, I'd be earning money, but I don't get paid, so I'm losing a lot. A lot of my parents' money, because I'm broke and they're loaning me money to support me until I graduate....then I don't know what will happen. Hopefully, I'll be able to move out and try to support myself, then eventually go for that masters' degree.

Until then, I'll be here, with my parents in the living room or sleeping all the way across the house, listening to the sound of my keyboard at night, worrying about exams and internships and finding a job, wondering where I'm going in life, and when I get there, where I'm gonna put all this stuff I've accumulated!!
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