02 May 2011

Thinking things through

You know how when you're in a rush, and you're thinking about a ton of things at one time, then some strange realization comes upon you, and in a stunning moment, you think you've screwed everything up....then you realize you forgot that you had already averted the crisis?

That happened to me today. Let me explain.

In order for me to apply any aid, including loans, to the summer session (which will be my last session- I finish my degree in August)(completely off topic- I keep typing that I graduate in August, when in reality, I'll only receive a degree in August, and it is still undetermined as to whether I will really be attending the graduation ceremony in December)...as I was saying, in order for me to apply any aid toward the summer semester, I must be enrolled at least half-time (which is 6 credit hours as an undergraduate).

For some reason, on the way to class, it hit me that I'll only be attending 5 hours of classes at the university. Not six! I started panicking, and at that moment started looking for alternatives so that I could have enough hours to get everything paid for and graduate. Mind you, in this, there was a major factor that I was overlooking, but I'll leave the inclusion of that factor until the end.

"Crap, everything I'm running into is going to mess up the family trip to Missouri!" I kept thinking. If I take a Summer I Five week class, it doesn't end until after the holiday....if I take a Summer II Five week class, it will interfere with my other Summer II and my Summer 11 week classes. Well what is a girl to do??? I can't ruin the family's trip to St. Louis yet again. I've already done that enough when I was working and whatnot. Guilt always ensues when this happens, because that is where my mom's family lives, and I can't stand when I'm the one standing in the way of her spending time with her family 800 miles away. I hold myself as a disappointment.

I am crying as I deliver the news to her that I am, once again, throwing a wrench in everyone's plans, which have been in place since March. My brother already has approved time off, and my parents and sister already have the time available; thus, the timing of the trip is dependent upon ME.

On the way home, as I am sitting in silence (I don't listen to the radio, for some odd reason, when I'm upset), I allow my thoughts to brew....and then I have an epiphany.

I forgot to include the 4 hour class that my internship hours encompass. I have saved the day. I'm not taking 5 hours of coursework, I'm taking nine!! It's just that I only have 5 hours of lecture coursework. Of course. This is why I hadn't thought about it beforehand. I already knew my plan! I already knew what I was doing.

I spent the rest of the way home jamming to The Lazy Song, by Bruno Mars....that song is frikken' awesome. Ironically, aside from the weekends, my life is rarely sitting in bed all day and ignoring my phone. Rather, I go to my internship or to school or something because idle time is the top reason for me becoming depressed. When I'm doing nothing, I feel completely worthless and futile. My existence means nothing unless I am doing something. Of course, sometimes I fall for this and continue to feel bad without doing anything, if I have nowhere to go and nothing to do, but in general, if there's something to do, I will go do it (given it's at a reasonable time....which for me begins in the early afternoon....I'm a night person, what can I say??). I may stay up late, which means a late morning (typically, afternoon lol), but in the times I am conscious and able to function, I hate to not have anything to do. I want a job SOOOOO badly (yes, I'm even to the point of desperation) just to fill this time. I just know that this time will bring me down so far that I won't want to do anything after a certain point. Motivation goes out the window.

Anyway, the point of this was....before you freak out, don't rush yourself, and think everything through...I didn't do so, and thus believed that I was an hour short of the requisite 6 credit hours, until I took the time to sit down and really think about it. Then I realized everything was fine, and there was no reason to panic. Crisis averted. Now I just need to know if I'll be getting aid, since my graduation is completely dependent on if I have enough aid to cover my final classes. I certainly hope so. That's my task for tomorrow. So, I should say....crisis averted....FOR NOW.



Lisa Loo said...

I have had that happen before and I hate it when it happens! It just sucks the breath right out of me. Glad you got it figured out before too much mental damage was done:0)

KatieSue said...

Thanks for the follow!...I envy that you are so close to your degree...I attended college for 5 years and I have no degree...That's what happens when you switch majors 4 times...lol...Good luck with the financial aid....Let us know how it turns out!

♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥ said...

It's taken me so much time to complete my degree! If I wasn't graduating in August, it would be my 7th year working on a bachelors' degree- almost TWICE what it's supposed to take. Financial aid is being a pain in the arse....I'll get through it somehow I hope. Even if it involves borrowing, I guess....

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