Day 15: Describe your dream home or show us a picture
Well, as of yet, I haven't found my dream home
Actually, I don't really know how to define a place as "home," because no place really feels like home to me. When we first moved to the metropolitan area of Dallas-Fort Worth, I thought Killeen was "home," because it was familiar and we had lived there so long, but going back there, I don't feel comfortable at all. My birthplace, Jacksonville, Florida, isn't home. The metroplex isn't home to me. I don't feel like I belong here.
How do I perceive home? According to what I've seen in the Random House and Webster's dictionaries, and what I've experienced with others: "in a situation familiar to one; at ease."
This isn't it. I'm not at ease here, never have been, and I know my family isn't really happy with me for that. All of them adjusted much more easily to the move, and that might be because they were much more accepting of the change. I think they were all at a place in their lives where the move was less of an upheaval. In addition- I know I'll be moving again. I don't know when or where.
This is what I want. I want a space to call my own. I want it to have everything I need, of course- a fridge, a stove that I might learn to use, a sink, a bathroom, that sort of thing, and of course, an AC and heater. I want to be able to make it a living space, where I can be comfortable. If I can put a comfortable seat in there, that would be great. Since I foresee myself being single, a single seat, possible double if I ever make any friends, is all I'll ever need. A studio apartment is probably all I'll need, and I desire a loft bed, with a desk underneath. Why a loft bed, I don't know, but it's something I really want. I also want it to have a sturdy bookshelf next to the desk, and a filing sort of station, to where I can put things of importance. I'll need a place where I can put my TV and my laptop will probably be on my desk. I'll need a charging station. I'll need a closet, although I will probably need to leave behind a large portion of my clothes, and switch them out when I change sizes, which is frequently.
I think that, when I am able to sort out things the way I want them to be, and choose the way I want everything to be set up, and actually put my input into where I want to go, it'll be more of a home than where I am now. Right now, I'm in the same place I was at age 14. I had no choice- it was where my parents wanted to go, and I had to go with them. Of course, I got to choose my carpet, my wall color, and I got a walk-in closet, but none of that changes the emotional factors of moving at such an age.
Moving, however, at the age I am now, or in the near future, is a different story. It's almost expected, and it's a new stage in my life. I'm changing my future, and I'm putting what I want into my life. I'm finally exerting what I want into the place where I move. It's not whether I have a bay window in my room, which is nice, but it's where I stay, how big it is, what surrounds me, how big it is, and whether I really want to be there. It's my independence. It's me finally taking the step, rather than someone taking the step for me and forcing me to go somewhere. It will be refreshing (I hope). I don't have a picture- I don't even have a job, two of the necessities I'll need to fulfill before I can find this place of mine. I don't know how long it'll take, or if I'll be able to make it happen, but it's a strong desire.
Home? Home is a place you want to go. Home is where you feel comfortable. Home is where you can go and say "this is where I'm from." OK, so perhaps I can say Texas is home...maybe. I only say that because I don't remember living anywhere else, although I've lived several other places. Do I feel at home anywhere? Not really. Maybe over time, I'll find that niche, but until then, I'll float around, looking for it--cause
"I'm just a girl; trying to find a place in this world" -Taylor Swift