Two Hundredth Post

Two Hundred Amazing Things

For my two hundredth post, I've decided I'm going to
1. Write about one hundred amazing things I appreciate- monumental or not. Some of them may be geeky or silly, others are extremely monumental. Some may be related to each other, others may be out there.
2. Write 25 things about me, some of them you may know, some of them you may not
3. Write about 25 things I want to happen in the future (big or small)
4. Write about 25 things I've done this month
5. Write about 25 things I want to happen this month (or will make myself do)

I'm flying by the seat of my pants here, but let's get started.

100 Things I appreciate
1. I graduated from college
2. I got my college class ring/ will be receiving at the end of the month
3. I got a pillowtop mattress (OMG it's so amazing...)
4. I've almost reached 150k miles on my car
5. I'm starting to get my sleep closer to a regular schedule

6. Internet on a phone. Need I say more?
7. Foursquare Awards. I don't know why they feel great, but they do.
8. Klout. I haz it. It's amazing.
9. One of my high school teachers still keeps up with me.
10. I'll be seeing this high school teacher on Friday, and he's going to help me with job interview stuff

11. Walking across the stage...I'll be doing it again in December.
12. It was amazingly cool today. We got a break from the heat of summer!!
13. I've made some really awesome friends through blogging!
14. My brother is getting married
15. My sister is in high school

16. I've come so far with my blog & blogging
17. I've learnt so much about the internet in my ventures
18. I've lost a little weight
19. Waking up on the mornings I don't have headaches.
20. Winning at video games

21. Winning at Sudoku (how can you lose at Sudoku, anyway?)
22. Going home after a really, really long day
23. The feeling you get after I've done something that helps someone
24. A solid high-five
25. Being able to french braid my hair without looking in the mirror (seriously!)

26. Finding an old cassette tape my best friend gave me in middle school and remembering how Corky taped over part of it, and how mad I was at the time, and how I now have the whole mP3 file, and all the needless yelling I did at the time (memories made :) how sweet)
27. Remembering the one time that Texas had a White Christmas and record-breaking snowfall in February.
28. Finding something I had lost all hope on finding
29. Perfect length nails that won't break (thank you genetics!!)
30. Getting new colorful socks without asking for them

31. Saying something just before the radio or TV says it
32. The smell of freshly cleaned sheets
33. The perfect gift that I decided not to ask for because I didn't think I'd get it...and you got it anyway!
34. Realizing the cop going down the road isn't going after you (sometimes they make you paranoid...)
35. Eating cookie dough, brownie batter, or cake batter, even though the packages all say not to

36. Catching gas prices just before they go up
37. Swimming pools on a hot summer day (really, it's amazing)
38. Reading a book I love, even if I've already read it a million times
39. Snuggling under my blanket with my sock monkey
40. Going through some of my old things and remembering the events that went with them...nostalgia!

41. The scent of Vicks
42. Seeing an envelope for me in the mail...unless it's a credit card offer.
43. My medal board
44. Painting things, and writing things, and drawing things
45. My pillows, all of them, and the fact that they matched my comforter when I didn't plan that

46. Getting a lot of points on Words with Friends when I wasn't planning a word that would get a lot of points
47. Knowing something that I didn't think I knew
48. Laughing so hard that I can't even hear a sound
49. Going all the way through growing-small-town without hitting a red light (this almost never happens)
50. Singing very loudly in my car on the freeway, and having someone look at me like I'm nuts, which just inspires me to sing more loudly

51. Finally getting that huge knot out of my hair...granted, I probably ripped the hair out in the process...but it's a huge victory getting that knot out!! You have no idea!!
52. Finding my favorite TV shows just as they're coming on, or better yet, coming home and finding out my dad has them all on the DVR and turns them on during dinner for me.
53. Taking the perfect picture at the perfect time
54. Plugging in my phone or computer just before it dies
55. Reaching a landmark (post 100, post 200, blogoversary, 100 followers, etc.)

56. Finding that nice, empty, comfortable space in traffic, where I'm not being tailgated, and I don't have to tailgate the person in front of me to prevent being tailgated
57. Ordering food special so that I know it's fresh when the person serves it to me
58. Two words: Batteries included.
59. Riding my bike really fast down a steep hill (given that I don't have to ride my bike up the hill to get there, or back up the hill later...lol)
60. Roller coasters...especially when the lights come on at night! It's really awesome...And when the wind is blowing? Ahh. It was really great when my hair was long and I'd take it down on the coaster and the person behind me would get a face full of hair...I mean...oops. I would never do that. I'm too nice. *whistle*

61. The appearance of everything underwater...how everything is all distorted and funky looking
62. Making it out of somewhere just before all the crowds amass...I really don't like crowds, so knowing that I made it out before the crowds is really comforting.
63. That shocked face people make when they see how fast I can type, and then when they ask me how fast I type and I *honestly and sincerely* tell them I don't know...because I honestly and sincerely don't. But it's pretty fast.
64. Seeing someone drive by me really fast on the highway, telling them "go get those cops"....and seeing them pulled over 2 miles later.
65. A clean room (not that I've seen one in a while *sigh*)

66. Taking my hair down at the end of the day and just brushing it
67. Doing math with the numbers in the time...like 12:36 (12 x 3 = 36....I overthink things, I know)
68. Knowing where everything is when I go somewhere, while other people are searching and looking lost...so I can get in and out, while others are still looking for someone to help them....
69. Putting a spam account on certain things where I know I'll be getting spam emails and never checking the spam account because I know I don't want to check the spam...
70. Seeing someone I haven't seen in a long time unexpectedly and catching up with them

71. Learning a new keyboard shortcut (it seems I learn new ones almost every day, but I can never remember them on command, just when I need them)
72. Holding and playing with my baby cousin...she's so cute!! I love babies, I just don't think I'm prepared for one of my own....or ever will be.
73. Being the weird one that keeps my food separate- I may be different, but it makes for...if not interesting, at least *some* dinner conversation.
74. When the dog comes and visits me in my room, which he hardly ever does (which is what makes it so special)
75. Having the whole morning to stretch and wake up, and not having to worry about being somewhere at a certain time (although having something to do with my life would be nice)

76. Having a meaning to life, rather than just waking up every day to the monotony that is after-college jobless without-a-license whatever I'm in right now (I once had it...so I can add it to this list)
77. I found the license plate that was pressed right after mine- identical except it ends in 072, mine ends in 071. Yesssss I paid attention enough to notice that...I'm weird like that.
78. Perfectly. Parallel. Parking. So perfect that I took pictures. My dad claims I photoshopped them, but I didn't, I actually did the perfect parallel park, and I've never done it before. Ever. I take that back, I tried once, but it was an epic fail, making this much more of an EPIC WIN.
79. Being late, but realizing I'm actually the first one there, so nobody will know that I'm late anyway, bahaha
80. Taking shoes off without untying them. Who unties their shoes anymore? Didn't think so...

81. Other accents than my own. Admittedly, my own accent sucks. Australian accents are my favorite.
82. Blog hops...wait, let me finish...that are communicative, and on blogs that actually type something up other than giveaways or coupons. I mean, I really dislike the necessary follow on a blog that only does giveaways and coupons, and the giveaways are on stuff I don't need (Diapers? Childrens clothing? No thank you). I still participate in hopes of finding other blogs I do like, because there are some out there that also participate in these hops. I visit the linkys, and I leave more than a "HI, I'm Ashley, visit my website and follow back!"...ok, I must move on.
83. Good comments. They make me melt. I've had some make me cry in public. One at the dentist.
84. Sock monkey. I love my sock monkey.
85. My little sister. I love my little sister so much, and I don't think she realizes how much. I don't think she ever will, no matter how much I say it.

86. Being able to breathe through my nose (it's really amazing when I haven't been able to breathe through my nose for a while)
87. Typing by lamplight (it's much more epic than typing by regular light)
88. Boxes. I don't know what it is about boxes, but I love boxes.
89. Putting stickers on things. I love putting stickers on things, and tape too. Duct tape especially, it's my favorite.
90. Making things of your own...being creative. Artsy. I'm not real artsy, but I love creating my own things.

91. QT drinks. One who has not been to QT can not understand the epic greatness of QT and their fountain drinks, especially when you mix and create your own great flavors like I have (blue raspberry vanilla Diet Pepsi anyone? It sounds disgusting, but it actually tastes great)
92. Mousse. It's so puffy and fluffy and doesn't make my hair sticky and gross like hairspray, and doesn't make it as stiff as gel does.
93. Being almost done with something
94. Having more than one idea in the same night
95. Figuring something out that I haven't been able to figure out for a while

96. Planning posts
97. Having a ton of tabs open and being able to keep track of all of them & knowing that I'm using them all (none of them are going to waste!)
98. Having the nerve to call people out on something when they need to be called out on, and being able to do it without being nervous or upset
99. Knowing that even though I had a lot of obstacles, I was able to accomplish more than I ever thought I would accomplish because I persevered, even when I was told I would fail, even when I went through some really rough times and had everything standing against me.
100. Having my whole future ahead of me, and not knowing what it holds, because it could hold anything for me, which means it could be something great

25 Things About Me
1. I'm a freak of nature- I was born without tonsils. Then again, I'm thankful, because I never have to have a tonsillectomy. =)
2. Everyone else believes in me more than I do. A rock believes in me more than I do. That's how much I believe in myself. Nevertheless, I carry on as though I believe in myself.
3. I actually liked my job at Big Circle Box Retailer. I didn't love it, but I liked it enough that I would go back if given the opportunity and I had nowhere else to go. I've applied to go back.
4. I don't really like lollipops or hard candy that much, except blueberry dum-dum pops.
5. I've never been kissed...willingly. Unwillingly, yes; willingly, no.

6. I hate seafood, but I love Red Lobster.
7. I sleep with my sock monkey every night. It's probably the only thing I'll ever sleep with.
8. I have an obsession with the color blue.
9. I didn't really want to go to UTA. I wanted to go to Baylor. I was accepted at Baylor. I had a scholarship at Baylor, but I still couldn't afford it. UTA was my second choice. I only went there because we didn't have the money for me to move out.
10. I liked Killeen, until we moved away. When I went back, I didn't like it. I still don't like where I live now. This leaves me with inner conflict because I don't know where I like.

11. It's medication that made me gain all my weight.
12. I do guest blogs but I don't post them on my blog.
13. I like that I can still wear children's sized shoes, because they're much cheaper usually
14. I have a board full of medals that I will one day share- here's an idea of what's on there-

• Class of 2005 Salutatorian
• 2005 UIL State Social Studies Team Champions
• 2005 UIL Regional Spelling Team Runners-Up
• 2005 UIL Regional Spelling Individual 5th Place
• 2005 UIL Regional Social Studies Team Champions
• 2005 UIL District Social Studies Team Champions
• 2005 UIL District Spelling Team Champions
• 2005 UIL District Spelling Individual 3rd Place
• 2005 UIL Choir Solo/Ensemble Division I Solo- District
• 2005 UIL Choir Solo/Ensemble Division II Solo- State
• 2004 North Texas Colorguard Association State Champions Division AA
• Academic Medals awarded by teacher for AP Calculus, Pre-AP Spanish II, Pre-AP World History, AP Chemistry
• Texas Scholar- i.e. I graduated. Seems dim after the others....

15. 2005 was a really good year for me (see statement 14) and I spent most of the months of April and May away from home, which was refreshing. 

16. I love Chicken Soup for the Soul books. I don't know why. I even love the stories in the ones not relevant to me. For example, Chicken Soup for the Working Mother. Completely not for me, but I'd probably love it. 

17. I have a strange fascination with numbers and facts, and often get called names for it...such as Wikipedia or Webster. 

18. I literally stapled my finger today. Stapled the staple directly into my finger. Not thinking, pulled it directly out. I hope nothing is wrong.

19. I duct taped a box purple tonight. No lie. Purple from top to bottom. Using my time wisely. 

20. I talked to someone about getting a job at a place I discovered was hiring. They told me I was overqualified and needed to find something that more suited my needs and degree. >.>

21. I was in colorguard for 2 years, co-captain for 1 year, yet I can't even spin a rifle now. I can do drop spins with a flag, and that's about it.

22. I'm addicted to Cherry 7Up, and I don't know why. At least it's caffeine free, so I can drink it at night too.

23. I don't get along very well with my parents. 

24. I'm not registered to vote. In a county like mine, if I'm not gonna vote Republican, there's no point in registering. I can shout any other party until the cows come home, but the GOP will still win in this city/county/etc. My voice means nothing here. So why register? To spend my time at the voting booths casting a vote that will be one of the few non-Republican? I'm not a Dem, but I'm not a GOP either. Face it, there's no point in an area that's so strongly GOP. 

25. I love denim. Denim jackets, denim skirts (this may be the one way to get me to wear a skirt), denim tops, denim vests, denim shorts, denim pants, I love denim.

25 Things I want to happen in the future

1. I want to get my license (of course!)

2. I want someone to love me for who I am

3. I want someone to finally believe that this is not something that I created myself, that what I'm saying is real.

4. I want my expenses taken care of

5. I want to live comfortably- but not necessarily in luxury

6. I want to see my sister get married

7. I want my sister to go to college and be successful in a career

8. I want to get my own place, somewhere near the city, but not in the city

9. I want the stuff that's been plaguing my life and negatively impacting me to go away (if you know me, you know what I mean by this)

10. I want to be self-sufficient

11. I want people to care about what I have to say

12. I want to see my brother be successful in a career/graduate from college

13. I want to narrow my stuff down to the things I really need, instead of everything I think I'm emotionally attached to

14. I want to go to graduate school

15. I want to find a way to set up or participate in the kind of business that I've been thinking about, with the hours and whatnot, because I know what life can be like for certain populations, and there are certain things I want to address

16. I want to visit Australia

17. I want to meet all my bloggy and Twitter friends, and explore more of the world

18. I want to do a lot of things, without worrying what my parents might think (including writing stuff like this)

19. I want to learn German and become fluent in the language.

20. I want to make an entire blog of awesome and inspiring quotes that are compiled from other places

21. I want to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day, rather than dreading it

22. I want to have a purpose

23. I want to have a social life, outside of the computer, and yes, I know that requires going out---and

24. I want to feel more comfortable going out, but most importantly:

25. I want to help as many people as I can to reach their full potential, because I know there is plenty opportunity out there, I just have to find it.

25 Things I've Done This Month

I had to challenge myself with this one....

1. I moved all the stuff out of my room so that the floor guys could recarpet

2. I moved all the stuff back into my room after the carpet was installed

3. I visited with my brother some on a few of his lunch breaks from work, when he came to the house to eat

4. I finished my undergraduate degree

5. I aced my final paper and my psychology final

6. I wrapped up all my appointments at the university and settled all my debts

7. I picked up medications at the pharmacy

8. I taped a shoebox purple

9. I stapled a finger

10. I went to a high school football game--the home team...EPIC FAIL

11. I had a shelf fall on my arm and I had a bruise for a bit

12. I had my blogoversary and wrote a blog/came up with a blog hop in celebration of my blogoversary

13. I went swimming

14. I talked on twitter....a lot

15. I created my facebook page and acquired a lot of fans

16. I participated in a 30 day challenge

17. I slept in...a lot. 

18. I stayed in bed a few days when feeling under the weather, because when I stood up or sat up, I felt dizzy.

19. I found my salutatorian speech from high school...and thought about posting it here...but decided against it.

20. I rearranged my room

21. I visited with a former teacher of mine, who also happens to be my sister's current teacher...poor Corky

22. I traumatized the dog by calling him onto my bed knowing that it was higher than the old one...

23. I faceplanted in the parking lot on one of my last few days of class

24. I bought headphones, after waiting a few months to get some

25. I decided to be proactive about losing weight, and I've lost a lot.

25 Things Which I Want to Happen This Month

1. I want to get a job, whether it requires a license or not

2. I want my ring to arrive in the mail

3. I want my mom to have a happy birthday

4. I want my blog hop to go over well

5. I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job

6. I want to finish a few books

7. I want to finish clearing the "stuff" that is left from moving everything out to the garage for the carpet guys

8. I want to continue growing as a blogger

9. I want this sinus crap to go away

10. I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job

11. I want my meeting with Dr. B to go well on Friday

12. I want to lose a little more weight...a little at a time

13. I want to apply for graduate school, to see what else it is I need to do to get in

14. If I don't get a job, I want to volunteer at the Mental Health Association again

15 I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job

16. I want to find a doctor that will work with me

17. I want to find a way to fill my calendar...it's kind of blank right now.

18. I want Texas to get some rain somehow...it's way too dry. I also want the fires to go away...related, so it goes under this category.

19. I want to adjust my sleeping schedule so that it's more normal

20. I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job

21. I want to write about RUOK Day in Australia (in fact, I plan to, later this week)

22. I want to listen to a lot of music....and find some new songs. I've been having trouble getting Adele's "Someone Like You" and it's frustrating me. Argh. 

23. I want to limit my spending...significantly. I don't really want to be spending at all, I have no reason to spend. 

24. I want to be open and honest

25. Most of all.....I WANT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!

And if you got this far, I commend you, because a lot of people will stop reading about halfway through, I bet. I doubt anyone will make it this far. *whistle*. If you do, let me know in my comments down there ↓↓ where it usually is! 

I've made it to 200 posts....holy cow. 

Blogoversary- Giving Back

If you've been keeping up, you know that today, 4th September 2011, is my 1st blogoversary!!

I'm delighted (and surprised) to have made it as far as I have, with as much success as I have had, especially in the past few months. I started out my endeavor small, although I'm still really not all that big. To this day I bring in fewer than 200 people, some of them just dropping in, but as a blogoversary thing, I've checked on some stats recently:

In September of 2010, I brought in a total of 183 views, and December 187. Those were my highest traffic months, the only ones more than 80, until April 2011. Just yesterday I brought in 105, and the day before 189. My followers? Most of them have started following me since June & July. I've also set up a Facebook fan page- almost 50 likes already. I'm tickled! Numbers, numbers, that's not all that matters, though.

Before March there were absolutely no comments- content or not. I was writing simply because. I cared about my numbers, but I didn't know if people were reading. Since then, I've gotten 362 comments- yes, I've gotten some of the spammy ones, but I've gotten a lot that have content too. Some have made me laugh, some have made me cry. That people care, and leave comments with content that can evoke emotion...it's really nice.

I've also been more engaged on Twitter since my blog has been more engaged. Through my blog and through Twitter I've met more people that I never would have met otherwise- after all, they do live overseas, or out-of-state. I love having conversations with them. Some of them are the best friends I have.

But that's enough of that, right? Blogoversary- It's more of a type of birthday, but for a blog. But my blog doesn't want any type of gift...rather, it wants people to give back. Read on to see what I mean.

As part of my "blogoversary" one of the things I want to do is start a blog hop of my own. I know we all see blog hops, and one of the things about the blog hops that I see here in the US is that they tend to be "giveaway" related, or that you are "required" to visit about a billion other blogs, even those that link up after you, meaning you have to keep visiting the hop repeatedly after you link up until you've visited enough people to meet the requirement...a bit tedious? They also require that you follow the host, and the host tends to be a giveaway or coupon blogger, who only posts giveaway or coupon blogs...which clogs up the feeds...my feed has been clogged with giveaways and coupons for goodness knows how long. I attend them because I like finding new blogs. Sometimes I happen to find new blogs that I like there, by chance, so I continue to link up in hopes of finding blogs I like.

Well, it's high time I start one of my own...

Seeing as I'm all about doing things for other people, and helping people out, this is my idea-

I want you to do one good thing for someone, no matter how small- hold a door, lend a dollar, fix a meal, talk to someone who looks like they need a friend, help unpack a box, write a letter, donate some clothes that you haven't worn that are still in good condition, anything you can think of, and write about it. Each week, after you've done something little, write about it- what you did, and what came out of it- if you don't know, then write that, because sometimes you don't know- and link it up to the hop. We'll each be able to see the good things that someone else did, and even if you didn't do something, I'll encourage you to link up to a blog- because what matters is that we're making a connection. I would like everyone to do something little, and write about it, but I won't require it. I would like you to link up a blog about something small you did, but I won't require it. I will encourage you to visit someone else, but I won't require it.

In order to give people time to do something and write about it, I'll leave it open three days- American Monday to American Wedensday- that's Aussie Tuesday to Aussie Thursday- and like I said, even if you don't have a chance to do something every week, you can still link up. I will say that even doing something with or for your family members does count- spending a day out with the kids counts, for example.

The idea of this, really, is to do something that makes someone else feel good, or that helps them out. If you didn't know already, that's something that I'm really enthusiastic about. Just the effort is really important to me, because I know that not every effort is going to be successful, but trying is what really counts. I also know that not everyone has a lot of spare time to do something like this, but I would like to encourage it. Therefore, I'm not making it a requirement, just a request. I will probably debut the hop not this week, but next week- just to get some ideas and feedback on it- after all, it is a new-ish idea. I'm open to what people have to say.

I'd like this to be a way not only for people to be introduced to other people's blogs, but also for people to see what others are doing. All small things make a difference.

~"Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something." -Author Unknown
~"Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you." -Mother Teresa
~"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Mahatma Gandhi
~"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back." -Maya Angelou

On the Market

So, now that my university life is essentially complete, but grades are not officially out, my degree is not official, and I don't have a license yet, what am I to do? Well, since the answer is not to lie around the house....I have no clue.

I know that I need to study for my licensing exam, that is a must. In addition, I'd like to do some volunteering that is actually related to my field, but, that doesn't really do anything as far as $$$ is concerned, but it does cost me $$$ as far as travel and whatnot, and isn't required, so it's kind of...not considered the best idea right now.

So what do I do? Well, I've been told to get a job. An unrelated job. Just to "get myself on my feet." I don't know about this idea. Honestly, fresh out of college, what place is going to want to hire me for something completely unrelated to my degree? I'm not sure. Plus, when it comes to the "Why do you want to work here?" part of the interview...if I get that far...how do I respond? I don't know if they're oversimplifying my situation...or if I'm overcomplicating it.

So what does one do when they're in this space between graduation and a license? Actually, what does one do when they're not in school and don't have a job? I've not really been in this situation before, so it's a little confusing for me. Unexplored territory. I don't know if I should apply for entry-level jobs to fill the gap, or if I should apply for other jobs that may or may not ask for licensure, or if I should volunteer, or what I should do. I feel pressured to do something now, but I don't know what.

And the working world isn't what it used to be. You don't go out and fill out applications. You don't walk into a place and ask if they're hiring. You go to their website and fill out the employment application online. If you walk into a place and ask if they're hiring, they'll just redirect you to the website. Even if you ask to speak to HR, they'll redirect you to the website. Very, very few places actually have paper applications anymore, and even fewer actually have people available on site that will talk to you. Even if you ask for them by name, typically they're "in a meeting" or "off site" or "busy" and "will call you later" if you ask to speak to them and they allow you to leave a number. It's so hard to get anything face to face... Even since I first started working my first job, things have changed a lot, and that wasn't really that long ago.

I just....feel lost. I'm in a place of uncertainty, I haven't completely gotten my degree yet until grades have been finalized and whatnot and debts have been fulfilled, I don't have my license, no leads on any social work jobs, no networking, and since so many things are becoming less face-to-face, it's really difficult to get out there and get started. They certainly don't make this easy...

Childhood freedom

Anyone want to know how I've been doing? Honestly? I'll talk about that later.

Remember the game Duck, Duck, Goose? I love that game, and I miss playing it. I was always the one who got caught, though, because I have no coordination, and I am a very slow runner, and always have been. I never caught anyone else. The game was fun for a while, but I always got sick of being the one picking the goose.

I wish that we could continue playing games like this as we get older, but we stop. We get wrapped up in work. We have schedules, meetings, obligations, we forget what it's like. We stop playing games. We get serious and mature. Some of us say we're young at heart, but how young at heart are we? Would we sit down and play a game of Duck, Duck, Goose? Or would we just reminisce about how fun it was when we were a kid? I think mostly we would just reminisce, and in that case, it's not really being young at heart, but being able to remember the times when we were able to have fun and have freedom in our lives. Adults have so much less freedom, and my recent activities as explained below are a perfect example of this. It's not that I don't love what I'm doing, but I feel so restricted, so tightly scheduled, that I don't have the opportunity to sit down and be young anymore. So, to answer the question, how am I doing??

Not too well. I can't breathe through my nose, because my allergies are bad (they get bad when I'm busy and stressed). I feel like crap. I'm constantly doing something. If I'm not somewhere else doing something, I'm at home doing something for somewhere else, or sleeping. I haven't come up with a way to represent my first assignment that's due on Tuesday yet. I have to show 5 different aspects of myself. It's a "scrapbook" but I can present it any way I want. She said one student presented it as a refrigerator, and each aspect was a magnet; another had a tree, and each branch was an aspect. I want to do something creative, but I can't think of anything. I'm stuck. My brain is so stuck in trying to get everything done that I can't think of anything creative.

Today, a lot of things weren't done that are normally done, which set me back. It put a lot of pressure on me, because I wasn't expecting it. Now I know, though, so I can be prepared and set most of it up ahead of time, and just worry about the last little bit on Wednesdays. I've been given a new project to work on too, but I need to get a few things straightened out first.

I just kind of feel like I'm being pulled a billion different directions. I know I can handle it, I can certainly handle it! It's just that I'm having a problem figuring out where to go first, because there's so much to do, and a very short time to do it. I've got some time that I'm taking away from my internship and everything else, so I also have a paper I have to finish early so that I can give it to the other intern to turn in for the class that I'm going to miss, and so I can email it to the professor ahead of time. I've got to get all my ducks in a line. Duck, Duck, Goose. That's where the inspiration for this post came from. Getting my ducks in order.

I really wish I could go back to the freedom I once had, but I know I'll never have that again. I know that I'll have time to reminisce about the past, and to think about the freedom I once had, but I'll never be able to go back and enjoy my childhood like I should have. I wasted it away. I read books. I sat inside and studied. I isolated myself. I read more books. I didn't go outside and play with the other kids. I wasn't athletic. I didn't play during PE. I couldn't jump rope. I was horrible at tetherball, as much as I loved it. I couldn't scale the monkey bars, not even once. I couldn't do a cartwheel, or run a lap and be able to catch my breath. I wasn't popular. I was smart.

Now I wish I could go back and have fun, blow bubbles, ride my bike, play some sports, do something other than study. I can't change the past, though. Maybe what I did in the past will be helpful in the future. Maybe it'll be something that will help me out. Maybe it will be beneficial. Maybe they'll want someone well read and knowledgeable. Maybe they won't care that I can't run very far or that I'm not very athletic. (Let's hope they don't care.)

Now, all I can do is live life as I am. Do my internship, finish school, try to get out as much as I can (which isn't much). Hang with the few people I do know. Study, but not let it take over all my time. Communicate with other people. Volunteer in my free time. Give back. Do yoga (this is something I really want to learn, and I've downloaded a Droid app that will hopefully help me learn it). Learn more about myself. Take me time while I still have the chance. Look for jobs. Live in the present, not in the past or future. Only worry about the ducks that I have to deal with right now. That's what I'm planning on.