Are You OK? Part 5

In Australia, it's RUOK Day. If we were to adopt it here in America, we'd have one day left. I'm going to pretend as though it were adopted here, and post straight through.

Making that Conversation

What if  you're not okay? What if you're on edge yourself, or you've just had some kind of crisis yourself that you don't know how to deal with?

Well, because part of RUOK Day is creating conversations, an approach I might take, having been an in a situation where I was the one not okay, I would first ask the person if they were okay- if so, then if we could sit down and have a chat.

Of course, I would approach someone I trusted, rather than a random person in this situation, but it's important to make sure that you're taken care of too. It's difficult to help someone else when you're in a bad place yourself, and it's definitely not healthy.

Of course, if in this situation, you see someone that may need some talkin' to, some loving, some one-on-one, you may ask them if they're doing alright, then emphasize the importance of finding someone to talk to about what's going on with them. After all, you're not a shrink-or, well, probably not, I can't speak for the whole population-and some of these situations require further conversations anyway. Just seeing that someone noticed them may make a difference.

There are wrong ways to go about this, though. It would be wrong to walk up to a person, ask if they're ok, then as soon as they say no, tell them "you should talk to someone about that"....wrong, indeed. You can talk to someone, and you can listen to a certain extent, but you have to be careful and know your limits. If they start talking about a sensitive topic, you can tell them "hey mate, I'm going through a rough time too, and I want you to know that I'm here for you, but this is a sensitive topic for me too right now, but I'd like for you to talk to someone about it."

Just as with every topic, there is a sensitive and insensitive approach to every facet. You don't want to approach a vulnerable person in an insensitive fashion, but you do want to make sure that they're noticed and taken care of, understandably. It's okay to tell them that you're not okay too, and that you'd like for them to see someone about it- in a nice way.

Most of all, on RUOK Day, make sure you're taking care of yourself first- if you need to see someone, and haven't made that appointment yet, perhaps consider doing so. If you've not considered it, think about what might help you. If you're not sure you're okay, maybe find a mate and talk to them about what's going on with you. You don't always have to wait for them to ask if you're okay- sometimes it's good to start a conversation yourself. Make sure your needs are taken care of, and that you'll be able to handle everything you take on.

Australians, I hope that you are all having a wonderful RUOK Day, and that many conversations are happening and going well. I want to hear all about it.

Write on Wednesday- The Pact

When the prompt came up, and had to do with a book, I had a hard time choosing a "favourite book" so I scanned my shelves- then I thought about the cause I've been going for all week- RUOK Day- suicide prevention.

The title of this week's "Write on Wednesday" is "The Mighty Mighty Rewrite" and the premise is to take the first sentence of your favourite (ha, favourite??) book, and take the first paragraph, rewriting into it our own content but keeping the overall style of the paragraph. Um, ok...very challenging Gill. I think they are trying to make it all the more challenging each week!!

Jodi Picoult is one of my favourite authors, I will admit. She has a way of keeping the plot and characters intertwined in a way that keeps the reader engrossed, trying to guess which direction the plot will take, and the book I chose, "The Pact," has a very unexpected ending. It starts out with what is described as a suicide pact...without further adieu:

"There was nothing left to say. He covered her body with his, and as she put her arms around him she could picture him in all his incarnations: age five, and still blond; age eleven, sprouting; age thirteen, with the hands of a man. The moon rolled, sloe-eyed in the night sky; and she breathed in the sent of his skin. "I love you," she said. He kissed her so gently she wondered if she had imagined it. She pulled back slightly, to look into his eyes. And then there was a shot."

Deep. Dark. Powerful. Seeing as I know the ending as well, as well as all the guts of the book. Now for the more challenging part- capturing this with my own content yet keeping the style and whatnot. Would it be wrong to change the plot a little? I hope not...because that's exactly what I'm going to do!!

"He was speechless as he stared deep into her sea-blue eyes. They were lying together on the carousel, entangled with each other, and could envision each other through every stage in their past- running together through the fields at five, she taller than him at twelve but finally shorter at thirteen, growing into their relationship that they carried now. The full moon rolled in the sky, behind the forest trees, and they could feel each others' breath in the cold night air. They closed their eyes as they kissed, both their hands on the gun, both questioning the decision, feeling the softness of the kiss in contrast to the steel of the gun, when they heard voices coming their direction, and quickly hid the gun. Would they do this another night, or was this just not meant to be? They caught a quick glance from each other, quickly moving to the swings, holding hands the whole way along, whispering "I love you too much" before each taking a seat."

Is it wrong to feel wrong changing Jodi Picoult's awesome writing? It completely ruins the plot of the story- after all, the deed isn't done. But- I don't want them doing it. The exercise is to change the content- I certainly did so!! I wonder what Jodi would do with this beginning!!

It's also a very fitting change, with the upcoming "RUOK Day" in Australia- I'm not Australian, but I'm an advocate, and I think it should be a worldwide thing, not just in Australia. Americans just aren't aware of what's going on around them- Probably 99% aren't even "aware" that last week was "Suicide Awareness Week"....what kind of awareness initiative is that? If you haven't been following, I have tagged all my RUOK posts as such. *Shameless Self-Promotion*

I hope this is *sort of* what the goal was. Or at least close to it.

Write on Wednesday Exercise 14 - The Mighty Mighty Rewrite...

Zanni: I did a workshop with literary author Mj Hyland, who teachers Masters in Creative Writing at Manchester University. She asked us to choose our favourite book, take the first paragraph and then write our own content into the paragraph, keeping the structure, tone, language etc. It's really helpful!

Are You OK? Part Cuatro

What do you do if someone's not ok?

So you do strike up that conversation on RUOK Day...but someone isn't ok.

Well, one thing you can do is talk to them, and find out what's bothering them. Maybe they're just not feeling OK, maybe they just need someone to talk to. After all, sometimes we all just need to talk a little, right? The day is about suicide prevention, but suicide prevention can start with working on mental illness itself- after all, according to the American National Institute on Mental Health, over 90% (yes, you read that right, and I highlighted it with large font for a reason) of suicides have a precursor of mental illness or substance abuse.

This means that the suicides that we're trying to prevent- bravo!- often follow along with mental illness and substance abuse. While asking a person if they're doing okay can prevent suicide, it can also bring a person out of a rut, or perhaps target those with mental health or substance abuse disorders that haven't been brought out of the background yet- however, a number of exactly how many people are walking around undiagnosed with a mental illness cannot be found...because they are undiagnosed....ie not on record.

RUOK Day is great for this- it can help bring these people to realize- hey wait, maybe there is a problem. It can help them to realize it's okay to have an issue, and it's okay to have a conversation about it! It can help to possibly bring them out of a rut and into the world, where they may actually seek help for their disorder, or the conversation itself may include encouragement to seek help (hopefully the latter, if they are that far off).

RUOK Day gives a chance for people who are undiagnosed and living behind the scenes to be themselves and discuss their problems without the stigma of being "ill" or "crazy". It's often the misconception of the people who refuse to seek treatment that this is the kind of label they will receive- having talked to some of them myself- and therefore they refuse medication or treatment.

Initiatives like this help them to realize that having a mental illness is not something that is all that uncommon, and will not prevent them from living a full and possibly even happy life. They can help people, they can work jobs, they can go places and not be recognized for what's going on in their heads- they just have to allow themselves to realize that what's going on is not their fault. It's wonderful that Australia not only encourages their citizens to go out and engage in conversations, but creates an entire day and promotes it nationwide, even having companies and schools set aside times for citizens to sit down and ask people if they are doing okay, and catch up with people who might not be doing so okay.

This is an excellent way to catch out people who may be dealing with a mental illness early on and get them the help they need, whether they seek it or need help seeking it, and is also a great initiative for getting people to help others and reach out when a friend is in need. I've noticed that Australia is a very caring country, and how well people bond together when there is a need or disaster- they are there for each other- there is no blaming or people pushing others out. People simply jump in and help one another.

This is simply one example of how well Australians do that- citizens are jumping in and helping one another, crisis or not, asking people if they are doing okay, helping them if they need help, encouraging them to seek help if they can, all in an effort to decrease suicide and help relieve mental illness, a large factor of suicide, in the country. One conversation can do something like that. It's amazing what one conversation can do.

Are You OK? Part Drei

Are You OK?

Don't let the answer be the end of the conversation.

This Australian cause is more than just going around and asking random people if they are ok. It is about sparking conversation, and talking about things that matter. It is about talking about the things that affect lives every day- mental illness and suicide- things that are normally brushed under the rug.

Of course, "Are you OK?" is an easy way to start such a conversation, but it certainly isn't the end. People are encouraged to stay and talk with their friends, colleagues, family members, and discuss things that are going on, and things that are troubling them. As mentioned in an earlier blog, this cause last year alone sparked 65,000 conversations- a number pulled from the RUOK Day website, which you can link to from the top of my page this month, and it is also under my "Causes" tab.

These things- mental illness and suicide- are not things that people will often approach you to talk about- often you will have to approach them and ask them how they are doing, build a bond if there is not already one, and ensure faith and confidence. This day helps to pull people from the woodworks- people whom everyone else normally wouldn't talk to- and help them out a bit. It would be nice if people would talk to these sort of people every sort of day, but this is a baby step in that direction.

What this day encourages is friendly conversation, more than just a simple hello. Some people get little more than a hello on a daily basis, and it's quite sad- sometimes this alone can drive depression and other mental illnesses. Engaging in friendly conversation is a healthy and vital part of a person's social life. Reaching out to others who might not have this in their life will help to enhance their life, and quite possibly save them.

This is not just a problem in Australia. Worldwide, there are people who are isolating- some people stay alone for the majority of their day- caregivers, people with social anxiety or agoraphobia, people with disabilities- they have trouble getting out. For me, it would be encouraging to see people not only reach out to those that they see sitting outside or at work, but maybe ring a friend, or a family member that they know doesn't get out much, and ask them how they're doing, have a decent conversation with them, and possibly be their lifeline. You may be the only person they have had a meaningful conversation with in months.

If you can keep up this sort of habit, that would be even better. Perhaps phone once or twice a week, check in on a caregiver or someone who has social anxiety, see if they've done anything, who they've talked to, or even what shows they've watched on TV, how they're feeling, what other kinds of things they've done, what they're interested in doing, etc. Reaching out to someone isn't limited to one day a year, but it's a great place to start.

And reaching out to someone isn't limited to the words "Are you Okay?" These words are just a way to start a meaningful conversation- other words can be used too- "Hey, how's it going?", "Hey, haven't seen you in a while!", "Hey, what have you been up to?"- these are all conversations that could spark conversations. The conversation is just as important as the start. If you leave someone with just the "Are you okay?" and a bleak, meaningless "yeah, I guess"...then you haven't really done much. Question into it, or ask what's troubling them, and you might find more. They might actually appreciate having someone ask about it. Don't push, but let them talk.

Often I find that someone will pass with "Hey, how are you?" and I'll say "OK, I guess" but by the time I've answered, they're already out of earshot. What good has that done? The initiative isn't to just ask a question- the initiative is to make a difference. So go out there, make a difference, ask questions, and engage. You might learn new things, change a day, or change a life. The important thing is, you'll make a difference.

Are you OK? Part Deuce

RUOK Day- Going unnoticed

I know I've been having a hard time as of late. A few people have been kind enough to ask me if I'm ok, and it's been really helpful. It's been really an example of how helpful RUOK Day can be, even though it's not quite RUOK Day yet.

Before I get too far, I want to thank the people who have been asking me how things are going. You never know how far just a small conversation can go, or how much of a difference it can make. I just wanted to interject that, before I go any further.

You see, I don't have many people to talk to. I don't know if many of you have noticed, but there are some days where I post several times, and there are some days where I don't post at all. There are some days where I'm more OK than others. I think this is true for all of us. We all have our up and down days, some more than others, and if some of you have read some of my posts, you'll know what I'm talking about when I say I have a lot of down days, especially recently.

The thing is, RUOK Day only covers one calendar day out of the year. What if we were all to ask "Are you OK?" every once in a while, or even just sit down and have lunch with someone sitting alone, not even asking if they're ok, and strike a conversation? What if we were to make this more than an initiative, but a habit? You see, people don't just have a bad day on September 15th. People don't just think of suicide, the targeted initiative of RUOK day, one day out of the year.

Yes, it's good to target an initiative, but it's also nice to realize that there are a lot of people who need friends and company, and perhaps just an "are you okay?" more than one day out of the year. Don't get me wrong, I love the initiative, and I'd love to keep the initiative and spread it to the US. There aren't enough people aware of the rising problems in the states or elsewhere in the world. I think it should be more than Australian- I think the WHO (World Health Organization) should take note!

But when you see or notice someone that has begun posting less than usual, someone whose Twitter account hasn't been posted on for two days when they usually post every day, someone sitting alone at a table, someone with a solemn or lonely look, I think it would be a grand idea to at least approach them and say hello. My Twitter account has gone unposted for days when I'm feeling down and unwanted- not because I'm busy, but because I'm down. All too often I'm alone all day, and a simple hello would be a spark for me. I'd feel appreciated. I'd feel noticed. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Sure, sometimes people take breaks, and that's ok, but sometimes, people don't take breaks just because they need one. Check in on your friends, see if they're doing ok.

Sometimes, people do feel unnoticed. Sometimes, that's all it takes, feeling unnoticed and unwanted. It's very easy to be pushed over the edge when you feel like nobody wants you around. The world is empty, and nobody wants you there. Nobody cares to say hi, or ask if you're okay. The idea of RUOK Day is not just to raise awareness that suicide and mental illness exists, but to help prevent it, and I have hopes that the actions taken on RUOK day will extend beyond that day.

After all, it's not just one day a year that these things touch the lives of people in Australia (or the US, or any other part of the world). Some days, whether it's September, November, February, May, or July, I just wish someone would tell me hello, or ask how my day is going, without having a global initiative telling them to do so. We're humans, and we're made to be social creatures. We should be aware of this on more than one day out of the year. We're humans, and we should be communicating with each other as much as we can, especially when we see that someone is down and needs a lift.

So if you see someone whose account has been abandoned without explanation for a few days, or whose blog is a bit more sparse than usual, if you see someone standing alone looking lonely, or sitting alone at a table, perhaps ask how they're doing or just say hello. It doesn't have to be a conversation even- after all, they may just be waiting- but if they need someone, you may be the person that comes along and makes a change in their day. That's what this initiative is all about. We can change, and save, lives.

Are You OK?

Are you OK?

Americans, how often do you hear this phrase? You pretty much hear it when your life is crashing down, and it pretty much looks like your not okay, so the question is pretty much a moot point, right?

In Australia, they have an amazing initiative, which I wish America would at least take note of, called "RUOK Day." On this day, September 15, workers, university students, and high school students alike, as well as just about anyone else, are encouraged to ask colleagues, friends, and neighbors, and just about anyone else they know "Are you okay?"

The great thing is, it's not like our "awareness weeks"....where nobody is aware of them. I mean, how many people were aware that this week was National Suicide Prevention Awareness Week? I was, but I didn't plug it because I wanted to plug this cause instead. Why? Because RUOK day is a much more aware, nationwide cause. People are talking about it on blogs, forums, in newspapers, on the news, and everywhere. I've seen it ad nauseum, and I'm not even in Australia- they even have a website for it- click here to see what I'm talking about.

The point is, these Aussies know that suicide is a noteworthy cause that should be looked out for- it's not something that is outwardly obvious, as some of us have experienced and seen. I've lost someone myself- she showed no outward signs. One day she was fine, the next, I hear she hung herself. Corky lost a good friend to suicide when he was 13- Thirteen people!! What if someone had asked them "Are you OK?"

But Americans don't do that. Americans don't have that level of awareness. They establish weeks, and assume that people who know someone related to the cause will wise up, and those who don't really need it won't care- therefore it becomes less of a cause. RUOK day is an excellent cause, and, according to the RUOK day website, created over 650,000 conversations- people who would not otherwise have gone to someone to talk about what was troubling them.

Sadly, so many people commit suicide because they have nobody to talk to in those dark times of need, and RUOK day is just one initiative to show that someone out there cares. It's not a superficial "Are you OK" in passing, but a real "Are you OK? Let's have a conversation." Americans don't do that. Americans are too caught up in their everyday lives, and unaware of initiatives or causes to stop and have a slow conversation. It's sad and appalling, the difference in cultures.

How many suicides could be prevented by the adoption in America of an RUOK day or similar initiative? How many lives could be saved? How many lives could be changed? (after all, it helps with mental illness, too). How many friendships could be forged, and how many gates opened for communication? America, I know we're caught up in a lot of issues, but we need to stop and think about other individuals too. What can we do for ourselves, what can we do for them, how can we help? Something like this could create a buzz, and that's just the kind of thing we need.

I know many of the people reading this are Aussies who will participate or be swept up in the day itself anyway, but this is addressed to the Americans who aren't- I'd like you to participate, with the Aussies, on RUOK day (that would be this next Thursday, September 15), sit down, and speak with your friends, ask them how they are, check in, and make sure everything is ok. Sure, on the outside, everything may seem ok, but often people put on a façade in front of everyone- one on one is best. Have a cup of coffee, have a lunch break. Set aside your newspaper and talk to the guy who sits alone in the corner- you may be the only person he talks to all week.

Americans, we are too divided from one another, and too unaware of the initiatives going on around us. Mental health is something that really needs to be focused on, because a large portion of society has a mental illness- last I checked, a good 6 percent- and suicide is one of the top 5 leading causes of death in America. This is serious. Check in, talk to people, have a conversation- it won't take that much time out of your day- and be sincere about it. I'd honestly like to see this go farther than the reaches of my readers. I'd like to see it spread across the country (broad, for a weeks' notice), or at least make some sort of impact. If it does have an impact, or if someone has a story, I want to hear it. I'll have a linkyer up in two weeks, right next to my *new* blog hop- for RUOK day stories. I'm serious about this.

Are you OK? Are you being honest?

I'm not really OK, but I'm hanging in there. I will be ok, but it would be nice if someone in real life took the time of day to ask about it. Nobody has. Good on you, Australia, not only for making it an initiative, but for having a well-publicized initiative that people know about and participate in. One more reason to love Australia

Two Hundredth Post

Two Hundred Amazing Things

For my two hundredth post, I've decided I'm going to
1. Write about one hundred amazing things I appreciate- monumental or not. Some of them may be geeky or silly, others are extremely monumental. Some may be related to each other, others may be out there.
2. Write 25 things about me, some of them you may know, some of them you may not
3. Write about 25 things I want to happen in the future (big or small)
4. Write about 25 things I've done this month
5. Write about 25 things I want to happen this month (or will make myself do)

I'm flying by the seat of my pants here, but let's get started.

100 Things I appreciate
1. I graduated from college
2. I got my college class ring/ will be receiving at the end of the month
3. I got a pillowtop mattress (OMG it's so amazing...)
4. I've almost reached 150k miles on my car
5. I'm starting to get my sleep closer to a regular schedule

6. Internet on a phone. Need I say more?
7. Foursquare Awards. I don't know why they feel great, but they do.
8. Klout. I haz it. It's amazing.
9. One of my high school teachers still keeps up with me.
10. I'll be seeing this high school teacher on Friday, and he's going to help me with job interview stuff

11. Walking across the stage...I'll be doing it again in December.
12. It was amazingly cool today. We got a break from the heat of summer!!
13. I've made some really awesome friends through blogging!
14. My brother is getting married
15. My sister is in high school

16. I've come so far with my blog & blogging
17. I've learnt so much about the internet in my ventures
18. I've lost a little weight
19. Waking up on the mornings I don't have headaches.
20. Winning at video games

21. Winning at Sudoku (how can you lose at Sudoku, anyway?)
22. Going home after a really, really long day
23. The feeling you get after I've done something that helps someone
24. A solid high-five
25. Being able to french braid my hair without looking in the mirror (seriously!)

26. Finding an old cassette tape my best friend gave me in middle school and remembering how Corky taped over part of it, and how mad I was at the time, and how I now have the whole mP3 file, and all the needless yelling I did at the time (memories made :) how sweet)
27. Remembering the one time that Texas had a White Christmas and record-breaking snowfall in February.
28. Finding something I had lost all hope on finding
29. Perfect length nails that won't break (thank you genetics!!)
30. Getting new colorful socks without asking for them

31. Saying something just before the radio or TV says it
32. The smell of freshly cleaned sheets
33. The perfect gift that I decided not to ask for because I didn't think I'd get it...and you got it anyway!
34. Realizing the cop going down the road isn't going after you (sometimes they make you paranoid...)
35. Eating cookie dough, brownie batter, or cake batter, even though the packages all say not to

36. Catching gas prices just before they go up
37. Swimming pools on a hot summer day (really, it's amazing)
38. Reading a book I love, even if I've already read it a million times
39. Snuggling under my blanket with my sock monkey
40. Going through some of my old things and remembering the events that went with them...nostalgia!

41. The scent of Vicks
42. Seeing an envelope for me in the mail...unless it's a credit card offer.
43. My medal board
44. Painting things, and writing things, and drawing things
45. My pillows, all of them, and the fact that they matched my comforter when I didn't plan that

46. Getting a lot of points on Words with Friends when I wasn't planning a word that would get a lot of points
47. Knowing something that I didn't think I knew
48. Laughing so hard that I can't even hear a sound
49. Going all the way through growing-small-town without hitting a red light (this almost never happens)
50. Singing very loudly in my car on the freeway, and having someone look at me like I'm nuts, which just inspires me to sing more loudly

51. Finally getting that huge knot out of my hair...granted, I probably ripped the hair out in the process...but it's a huge victory getting that knot out!! You have no idea!!
52. Finding my favorite TV shows just as they're coming on, or better yet, coming home and finding out my dad has them all on the DVR and turns them on during dinner for me.
53. Taking the perfect picture at the perfect time
54. Plugging in my phone or computer just before it dies
55. Reaching a landmark (post 100, post 200, blogoversary, 100 followers, etc.)

56. Finding that nice, empty, comfortable space in traffic, where I'm not being tailgated, and I don't have to tailgate the person in front of me to prevent being tailgated
57. Ordering food special so that I know it's fresh when the person serves it to me
58. Two words: Batteries included.
59. Riding my bike really fast down a steep hill (given that I don't have to ride my bike up the hill to get there, or back up the hill later...lol)
60. Roller coasters...especially when the lights come on at night! It's really awesome...And when the wind is blowing? Ahh. It was really great when my hair was long and I'd take it down on the coaster and the person behind me would get a face full of hair...I mean...oops. I would never do that. I'm too nice. *whistle*

61. The appearance of everything underwater...how everything is all distorted and funky looking
62. Making it out of somewhere just before all the crowds amass...I really don't like crowds, so knowing that I made it out before the crowds is really comforting.
63. That shocked face people make when they see how fast I can type, and then when they ask me how fast I type and I *honestly and sincerely* tell them I don't know...because I honestly and sincerely don't. But it's pretty fast.
64. Seeing someone drive by me really fast on the highway, telling them "go get those cops"....and seeing them pulled over 2 miles later.
65. A clean room (not that I've seen one in a while *sigh*)

66. Taking my hair down at the end of the day and just brushing it
67. Doing math with the numbers in the time...like 12:36 (12 x 3 = 36....I overthink things, I know)
68. Knowing where everything is when I go somewhere, while other people are searching and looking lost...so I can get in and out, while others are still looking for someone to help them....
69. Putting a spam account on certain things where I know I'll be getting spam emails and never checking the spam account because I know I don't want to check the spam...
70. Seeing someone I haven't seen in a long time unexpectedly and catching up with them

71. Learning a new keyboard shortcut (it seems I learn new ones almost every day, but I can never remember them on command, just when I need them)
72. Holding and playing with my baby cousin...she's so cute!! I love babies, I just don't think I'm prepared for one of my own....or ever will be.
73. Being the weird one that keeps my food separate- I may be different, but it makes for...if not interesting, at least *some* dinner conversation.
74. When the dog comes and visits me in my room, which he hardly ever does (which is what makes it so special)
75. Having the whole morning to stretch and wake up, and not having to worry about being somewhere at a certain time (although having something to do with my life would be nice)

76. Having a meaning to life, rather than just waking up every day to the monotony that is after-college jobless without-a-license whatever I'm in right now (I once had it...so I can add it to this list)
77. I found the license plate that was pressed right after mine- identical except it ends in 072, mine ends in 071. Yesssss I paid attention enough to notice that...I'm weird like that.
78. Perfectly. Parallel. Parking. So perfect that I took pictures. My dad claims I photoshopped them, but I didn't, I actually did the perfect parallel park, and I've never done it before. Ever. I take that back, I tried once, but it was an epic fail, making this much more of an EPIC WIN.
79. Being late, but realizing I'm actually the first one there, so nobody will know that I'm late anyway, bahaha
80. Taking shoes off without untying them. Who unties their shoes anymore? Didn't think so...

81. Other accents than my own. Admittedly, my own accent sucks. Australian accents are my favorite.
82. Blog hops...wait, let me finish...that are communicative, and on blogs that actually type something up other than giveaways or coupons. I mean, I really dislike the necessary follow on a blog that only does giveaways and coupons, and the giveaways are on stuff I don't need (Diapers? Childrens clothing? No thank you). I still participate in hopes of finding other blogs I do like, because there are some out there that also participate in these hops. I visit the linkys, and I leave more than a "HI, I'm Ashley, visit my website and follow back!"...ok, I must move on.
83. Good comments. They make me melt. I've had some make me cry in public. One at the dentist.
84. Sock monkey. I love my sock monkey.
85. My little sister. I love my little sister so much, and I don't think she realizes how much. I don't think she ever will, no matter how much I say it.

86. Being able to breathe through my nose (it's really amazing when I haven't been able to breathe through my nose for a while)
87. Typing by lamplight (it's much more epic than typing by regular light)
88. Boxes. I don't know what it is about boxes, but I love boxes.
89. Putting stickers on things. I love putting stickers on things, and tape too. Duct tape especially, it's my favorite.
90. Making things of your own...being creative. Artsy. I'm not real artsy, but I love creating my own things.

91. QT drinks. One who has not been to QT can not understand the epic greatness of QT and their fountain drinks, especially when you mix and create your own great flavors like I have (blue raspberry vanilla Diet Pepsi anyone? It sounds disgusting, but it actually tastes great)
92. Mousse. It's so puffy and fluffy and doesn't make my hair sticky and gross like hairspray, and doesn't make it as stiff as gel does.
93. Being almost done with something
94. Having more than one idea in the same night
95. Figuring something out that I haven't been able to figure out for a while

96. Planning posts
97. Having a ton of tabs open and being able to keep track of all of them & knowing that I'm using them all (none of them are going to waste!)
98. Having the nerve to call people out on something when they need to be called out on, and being able to do it without being nervous or upset
99. Knowing that even though I had a lot of obstacles, I was able to accomplish more than I ever thought I would accomplish because I persevered, even when I was told I would fail, even when I went through some really rough times and had everything standing against me.
100. Having my whole future ahead of me, and not knowing what it holds, because it could hold anything for me, which means it could be something great

25 Things About Me
1. I'm a freak of nature- I was born without tonsils. Then again, I'm thankful, because I never have to have a tonsillectomy. =)
2. Everyone else believes in me more than I do. A rock believes in me more than I do. That's how much I believe in myself. Nevertheless, I carry on as though I believe in myself.
3. I actually liked my job at Big Circle Box Retailer. I didn't love it, but I liked it enough that I would go back if given the opportunity and I had nowhere else to go. I've applied to go back.
4. I don't really like lollipops or hard candy that much, except blueberry dum-dum pops.
5. I've never been kissed...willingly. Unwillingly, yes; willingly, no.

6. I hate seafood, but I love Red Lobster.
7. I sleep with my sock monkey every night. It's probably the only thing I'll ever sleep with.
8. I have an obsession with the color blue.
9. I didn't really want to go to UTA. I wanted to go to Baylor. I was accepted at Baylor. I had a scholarship at Baylor, but I still couldn't afford it. UTA was my second choice. I only went there because we didn't have the money for me to move out.
10. I liked Killeen, until we moved away. When I went back, I didn't like it. I still don't like where I live now. This leaves me with inner conflict because I don't know where I like.

11. It's medication that made me gain all my weight.
12. I do guest blogs but I don't post them on my blog.
13. I like that I can still wear children's sized shoes, because they're much cheaper usually
14. I have a board full of medals that I will one day share- here's an idea of what's on there-

• Class of 2005 Salutatorian
• 2005 UIL State Social Studies Team Champions
• 2005 UIL Regional Spelling Team Runners-Up
• 2005 UIL Regional Spelling Individual 5th Place
• 2005 UIL Regional Social Studies Team Champions
• 2005 UIL District Social Studies Team Champions
• 2005 UIL District Spelling Team Champions
• 2005 UIL District Spelling Individual 3rd Place
• 2005 UIL Choir Solo/Ensemble Division I Solo- District
• 2005 UIL Choir Solo/Ensemble Division II Solo- State
• 2004 North Texas Colorguard Association State Champions Division AA
• Academic Medals awarded by teacher for AP Calculus, Pre-AP Spanish II, Pre-AP World History, AP Chemistry
• Texas Scholar- i.e. I graduated. Seems dim after the others....

15. 2005 was a really good year for me (see statement 14) and I spent most of the months of April and May away from home, which was refreshing. 

16. I love Chicken Soup for the Soul books. I don't know why. I even love the stories in the ones not relevant to me. For example, Chicken Soup for the Working Mother. Completely not for me, but I'd probably love it. 

17. I have a strange fascination with numbers and facts, and often get called names for it...such as Wikipedia or Webster. 

18. I literally stapled my finger today. Stapled the staple directly into my finger. Not thinking, pulled it directly out. I hope nothing is wrong.

19. I duct taped a box purple tonight. No lie. Purple from top to bottom. Using my time wisely. 

20. I talked to someone about getting a job at a place I discovered was hiring. They told me I was overqualified and needed to find something that more suited my needs and degree. >.>

21. I was in colorguard for 2 years, co-captain for 1 year, yet I can't even spin a rifle now. I can do drop spins with a flag, and that's about it.

22. I'm addicted to Cherry 7Up, and I don't know why. At least it's caffeine free, so I can drink it at night too.

23. I don't get along very well with my parents. 

24. I'm not registered to vote. In a county like mine, if I'm not gonna vote Republican, there's no point in registering. I can shout any other party until the cows come home, but the GOP will still win in this city/county/etc. My voice means nothing here. So why register? To spend my time at the voting booths casting a vote that will be one of the few non-Republican? I'm not a Dem, but I'm not a GOP either. Face it, there's no point in an area that's so strongly GOP. 

25. I love denim. Denim jackets, denim skirts (this may be the one way to get me to wear a skirt), denim tops, denim vests, denim shorts, denim pants, I love denim.

25 Things I want to happen in the future

1. I want to get my license (of course!)

2. I want someone to love me for who I am

3. I want someone to finally believe that this is not something that I created myself, that what I'm saying is real.

4. I want my expenses taken care of

5. I want to live comfortably- but not necessarily in luxury

6. I want to see my sister get married

7. I want my sister to go to college and be successful in a career

8. I want to get my own place, somewhere near the city, but not in the city

9. I want the stuff that's been plaguing my life and negatively impacting me to go away (if you know me, you know what I mean by this)

10. I want to be self-sufficient

11. I want people to care about what I have to say

12. I want to see my brother be successful in a career/graduate from college

13. I want to narrow my stuff down to the things I really need, instead of everything I think I'm emotionally attached to

14. I want to go to graduate school

15. I want to find a way to set up or participate in the kind of business that I've been thinking about, with the hours and whatnot, because I know what life can be like for certain populations, and there are certain things I want to address

16. I want to visit Australia

17. I want to meet all my bloggy and Twitter friends, and explore more of the world

18. I want to do a lot of things, without worrying what my parents might think (including writing stuff like this)

19. I want to learn German and become fluent in the language.

20. I want to make an entire blog of awesome and inspiring quotes that are compiled from other places

21. I want to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day, rather than dreading it

22. I want to have a purpose

23. I want to have a social life, outside of the computer, and yes, I know that requires going out---and

24. I want to feel more comfortable going out, but most importantly:

25. I want to help as many people as I can to reach their full potential, because I know there is plenty opportunity out there, I just have to find it.

25 Things I've Done This Month

I had to challenge myself with this one....

1. I moved all the stuff out of my room so that the floor guys could recarpet

2. I moved all the stuff back into my room after the carpet was installed

3. I visited with my brother some on a few of his lunch breaks from work, when he came to the house to eat

4. I finished my undergraduate degree

5. I aced my final paper and my psychology final

6. I wrapped up all my appointments at the university and settled all my debts

7. I picked up medications at the pharmacy

8. I taped a shoebox purple

9. I stapled a finger

10. I went to a high school football game--the home team...EPIC FAIL

11. I had a shelf fall on my arm and I had a bruise for a bit

12. I had my blogoversary and wrote a blog/came up with a blog hop in celebration of my blogoversary

13. I went swimming

14. I talked on twitter....a lot

15. I created my facebook page and acquired a lot of fans

16. I participated in a 30 day challenge

17. I slept in...a lot. 

18. I stayed in bed a few days when feeling under the weather, because when I stood up or sat up, I felt dizzy.

19. I found my salutatorian speech from high school...and thought about posting it here...but decided against it.

20. I rearranged my room

21. I visited with a former teacher of mine, who also happens to be my sister's current teacher...poor Corky

22. I traumatized the dog by calling him onto my bed knowing that it was higher than the old one...

23. I faceplanted in the parking lot on one of my last few days of class

24. I bought headphones, after waiting a few months to get some

25. I decided to be proactive about losing weight, and I've lost a lot.

25 Things Which I Want to Happen This Month

1. I want to get a job, whether it requires a license or not

2. I want my ring to arrive in the mail

3. I want my mom to have a happy birthday

4. I want my blog hop to go over well

5. I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job

6. I want to finish a few books

7. I want to finish clearing the "stuff" that is left from moving everything out to the garage for the carpet guys

8. I want to continue growing as a blogger

9. I want this sinus crap to go away

10. I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job

11. I want my meeting with Dr. B to go well on Friday

12. I want to lose a little more weight...a little at a time

13. I want to apply for graduate school, to see what else it is I need to do to get in

14. If I don't get a job, I want to volunteer at the Mental Health Association again

15 I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job

16. I want to find a doctor that will work with me

17. I want to find a way to fill my calendar...it's kind of blank right now.

18. I want Texas to get some rain somehow...it's way too dry. I also want the fires to go away...related, so it goes under this category.

19. I want to adjust my sleeping schedule so that it's more normal

20. I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job I want a job

21. I want to write about RUOK Day in Australia (in fact, I plan to, later this week)

22. I want to listen to a lot of music....and find some new songs. I've been having trouble getting Adele's "Someone Like You" and it's frustrating me. Argh. 

23. I want to limit my spending...significantly. I don't really want to be spending at all, I have no reason to spend. 

24. I want to be open and honest

25. Most of all.....I WANT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!

And if you got this far, I commend you, because a lot of people will stop reading about halfway through, I bet. I doubt anyone will make it this far. *whistle*. If you do, let me know in my comments down there ↓↓ where it usually is! 

I've made it to 200 posts....holy cow. 

Darkness: The Fight

This is my fourth "Write on Wednesday" post.

I've found the others less personal, more fictional, but this one is a story from my life- it's all about being honest, telling a 100% truth, but I don't have to tell everything.

One thing I've found about my story--well, many of my stories--is that there are elements of "me" that are always secret. Truth be told, the truth is always told, but there are some secrets- we all have secrets. What's made part of everything such a fight for me, though, lies within my secrets, the demons that haunt me, and the trouble with writing this exercise, the 100% truth, is that I might find myself slipping into the things that I may not want to share, or that may not be easy to share. It's not so much a thing of openness, as a thing of security and worry about how it will affect my future. However, it may be healthy to air it a little and see how it feels. I've opened up on other forums- time to open up slightly here.

The darkness is encapsulating. It's like nothing I've ever seen before. In the years before, I've been able to hide in it well, pretend it's not there, and nobody would notice. Family, "friends," schoolmates, most of my former coworkers, they were all oblivious to the darkness that surrounded me and the fight that I fought, or if not, they asked nothing of it. In my teen years, it was less encapsulating, easier to hide. I could put a curtain around it, a façade of sorts, and nobody would know. In college, I would talk about it, but nobody would believe it- after all, I seemed so well for so long, why would it all of the sudden change?

These days, though, it is not as easy. Life has become more of a challenge in itself. As I push myself harder, fight harder, the darkness is becoming deeper. I want out of this darkness; I can no longer hide it, but I have found that in the time I spent hiding it, it's become so much deeper, it's extended to a depth that I can't escape, I'm holding on but I can't fight and hold on at the same time. I want to do this on my own, I don't want anyone to know, but I can't. There's nowhere to escape, nowhere to hide, nothing to put in front of this darkness to make it go away or make it smaller. It has become bigger than I am, and in itself, taken over my life.

To someone on the outside, it's hard to see or understand the darkness or the reason for it. I should be happy, by all means. I have nothing to be unhappy about. You're right. I have a family. I have a home. I have food, and I have clothing. I went to, and graduated from, a major university. I have all the things a person could want, and then some. Plenty of books, a nice room decorated the way I want it, a personal laptop, a nice smartphone, my sock monkey, a sister whom I love to death, my physical health (not perfect, but close enough), no huge personal losses...what is there to be unhappy about? Where does the darkness come from?

I don't know where the darkness comes from. It's something I can't explain. It'll leave me crying at unexplained times, and it left me fighting my way through college. I fight the darkness every time I have to go somewhere, every time I have to do something when I am feeling the darkness weigh down on me. I wake up to face the day and all I want to do is close my eyes again and forget, stop fighting, let the darkness take over and consume me; it's what I've wanted for so many years, but I continue to fight.

Nevertheless, I carry on with the darkness, no matter how much it's weighing on me, and I try not to let it affect me. I've done well at carrying it through everything, and even getting a degree with the darkness inches from me. In the end of my college days, I even started pulling my grades up, finishing the last 2 years with more As than I saw in my first 4 years. It's a rough fight, an endless fight, and even more so fighting alone. In college, I found a way to get someone to fight with me, but now, I'm on my own. It's an uphill battle.

One thing, one last thing that I must share- the darkness is the reason I fight. If it were not for the darkness, I would not know what I am fighting for, and I may not be where I am today. The darkness gives me a reason to fight, and it helps me to fight. It helps me to know about the people I am fighting for, and it pushes me to fight harder. I know what it's like to fight this fight. I know what it's like to be in the darkness, and I fight it every day. To know that the fight I go through every day could save someone's life? That is something that makes the fight even more worthwhile. I don't enjoy the darkness, not a bit, but I know that the darkness has taught me a lesson that can used to help someone else, and has given me more strength and taught me more than any textbook or professor could. I'm not thankful for the darkness, but I'm thankful for the insights and perspective it's added to my life. It's made me a better person, and it's given me direction. Most of all, even though I have to fight through the darkness to get there, it's given me something to fight for.

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 12 - The Fight. You have to be honest, because without honesty, your work won't speak to people. You have to be fearless, because restraint in writing can be perceived. But that doesn't mean that you have to bare your entire soul. Choose what you want to share, choose what is relevant to your story. But make sure that what you choose to share is real, and true. The exercise today is to write a story from your life. And remember: it has to be 100% true, but it doesn't have to be 100% of the truth. There's a difference. The keywords are: The Fight

Day 30: To Infinity and Beyond!

Day 30: A dream for the future beyond next year...think long term

I've known this one for a very, very long time. I've written about it many times. Some people are probably sick of hearing about it, so this will be very brief. This is the final day of "30 Days About Me," appropriately asking about what will happen beyond here. I know I've missed some days- I've had a few people say they want to participate, and I don't have the comprehensive list on my blog, but if you want all the prompts to do a 30 days about yourself, you can find the list linked here, and although you won't be able to link up to the posts for the month of August, it'll give you the opportunity to participate in a 30 day writing thingy.

On to my dream for the future.

1) I want to see Germany, Austria, other parts of Europe like London, Paris, and maybe other places like Norway, Iceland, but the main place that I would absolutely love to go, if I ever had the chance, would be Australia. I'd also like to see some parts of South America, Canada, the Caribbean, (not Central America though), maybe the country South Africa. Not an exhaustive list, but the highlights.

2) I want to have a nice place of my own, not necessarily with a family- however, if I do ever have kids, they would probably be adopted- heaven forbid if they end up with my genes. I don't want kids like me. They wouldn't be very happy, and they'd have a lot to worry about.

3) Learn German. I'd love to become fluent, but that, I know, is rough after the teenage years because of brain plasticity. However, if it can happen, I would love it.

4) I want to pay off all my debts and still be able to afford to live comfortably. Being a social worker, I know that's gonna be rough. I'll have to work it out somehow. I'll probably end up working two jobs anyway, because I don't like downtime.

5) Move away from Texas. I know it's where I live and all, but it's not where I want to live forever. I'd also like to travel the country before settling down, and see all the sights that there are to see, in every state. Road trip, anyone?

6) Feel better....for good. Not just avoid bad days- I know they happen...but avoid the depression. There's a difference.

7) Find someone who cares about me genuinely. I doubt this will happen, but it is a dream of mine. I don't believe that everyone has a soulmate- really, I don't.

8) Now that there are 7, I have to reach 10, so I need a few more. Let's see. I would love to see both my brother and sister graduate from college, even though my brother is currently no longer attending college. I'd love to see them get married (my brother is on his way there) and have families of their own, and have happy lives themselves.

9) I'd like to find a niche. A place I belong. Somewhere I can feel comfortable and be myself. A place where I know I'm accepted, and where I don't feel I have to bend backwards to be someone else, or wear a mask or façade to fit in. Friends and everything will be there.

10) I'd love to meet all my bloggy friends. That means all the ones from all the corners of the world- readers and bloggers alike. I want to know who it is that likes what I'm writing, as well as the ones that I'm reading. I want to meet them all!!

THIS IS PERHAPS THE BIGGEST DREAM OF MY ENTIRE LIFE:::::
My dream, my biggest dream, is that I will become a LMSW. For those of you not educated in the lingo of Social Work, that means a Licensed Masters' of Social Work. This would require a second degree- probably about 2 extra years of schooling, which I hope to complete at UT Arlington- and further licensing.

This is my goal for the future. To help as many people as I possibly can. I know I can't help everyone, but I can at least make a difference with the ones I can reach. Each one that I can help makes a difference. That's what counts.

Day 27- Guilty as Charged

Day 27: Worst Habit

I have a lot of bad habits. I mean, a lot.

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I'd have to say that staying up über late is the worst! To go along with it, I sleep in. I suppose if I live in a different time zone, the hours I keep now would be acceptable- suppose, Australia- these exact hours would be normal. Unfortunately, this is not Australia, and business hours do not run late into the evening to accommodate for night owls. I've tried going to bed earlier, but my mind doesn't sleep until the later hours, no matter what time I put my body in bed.

Another one is losing track of time spent on the internet. I stumble upon one site (however, I do not use StumbleUpon), click links leading me to another site, and the next thing I know, several hours have gone by without me noticing. I do this quite frequently, and I type quite a lot- my right hand is not thankful for this, and often goes numb while I'm typing. When this happens, I switch to my phone for a while. If the Wi-Fi goes out, the phone is my next resort. Bad habit? Methinks.

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Another? Talking excessively...or should I say writing/blogging? When I start, I don't stop. I keep going. I feel I must explain myself. Every word I say. Sometimes I probably lose the reader, but I keep going. Perhaps someone likes my verbose nature (anyone?) or my descriptions. I don't know. I still keep going. I'm like the Energizer bunny (which was actually stolen from Duracell, did you know that?) which brings me to my next point...

Spouting off random facts that nobody really cares about. I do this quite frequently. Often they're unrelated to the topic at hand. I'll also start talking, and be very unable to stop until someone says OK, WE GET IT...then I feel quite embarrassed, and will completely stop talking. Where is the hard wiring everyone else gets that tells them when to shut up? Where is the "OK, this is a pointless fact, and very irrelevant, so keep it to yourself" reminder?

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Keeping to myself. I've always liked to keep to myself. I don't know why. When I was younger I had one closer friend, the rest were through school or whatever, but mostly I hung alone there too. I would read or hang alone by the monkey bar house during recess. They'd make fun of me and I'd cry. Sometimes I'd take a really long time and pick through my lunch to avoid the social part of lunch in middle school. I never knew where to sit. I'd sit alone. If sitting at a table now, and there were no empty tables, I'd find the seat farthest away from anyone else. Why do I do this? Not a good way to make friends. Bad habit. Even kind of did some of this at my internship. I'd sit at the desk doing paperwork when there wasn't a group going on.

Taking things far too literally and getting upset too easily. I do this often. Or not understanding, like jokes. I'm still trying to figure out a picture from earlier today that people were LOLing at. Another joke, too. Am I dense? Naïve? Included in this is obsessing with details...maybe I'm obsessing too much? Not enough? Maybe I'm distracted by the details (like in other situations), and can't see the situation as funny? I don't know. But once someone explains it, I'm like OH....*berate self mentally....* (another bad habit)

Sadly, I can see myself doing this.
I keep my crayons in colour order in the box.
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Again, I have the obsession with details. It throws me off the bigger picture, and while being in tune with details can be a good thing, obsessing over them is not quite so good. I don't get things done, I worry over them way too much, and I stress myself out. Sometimes it keeps me from doing things!!! I'm so hung up over doing them right that I'm afraid of doing them right. If something is too messy and I feel I can't do it right, I'm afraid to even start. I've even rewritten entire essays because one part didn't sound write- seriously!! Even the awards on my wall are measured to where they are evenly spaced- and they don't get moved.

I have created pictures with rulers...and hung stuff on my walls with rulers, no joke. Detail is key...
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This can apply to any of the situations- perhaps it's the cause of many of the other bad habits I have. It's not always an obsession with being perfect (although often, it is, which sometimes holds me back- if it's not going to be perfect, I feel like I can't/shouldn't do it at all), but an obsession with the details, an obsession with all the little things going on. Again, I'm paying attention to every little thing that may be a bad habit- not what I intended. I wanted to pick one or two things, and it turned into a frenzy of a billion things.

Bad habit- obsession, staying up late, details, social isolation (past and present), taking things literally, berating myself, perfectionism, excessive internet, excessive talking, not realizing when I've said too much, irrelevant talking, I'm sure there's more, but that's enough for right now.

Attention Hoppers!! *The Drive-By Follow*

**This is a blog that will be republished every once in a while to catch the attention of people who don't seem to be catching the idea of effective following or commenting. Names and websites have been blocked to protect the commenters, although I don't think they will even read this (though they might, who knows). I will add the repost dates in a paragraph at the end.

This blog is addressed to readers of a certain type. Some of them, in fact, are not readers; in fact, some of them won't even see this, because of the drive-by manner in which they visit my blog. You see, I like blog hops. I've met some great people through blog hops, and I'm glad to have met them. There is one nasty element to them though, one that is helpful, but nasty because of some of the people that participate.

You see, most ask you to follow another member of the hop, and typically suggest you leave a comment that you are a new follower so that the person knows that you are new, and can follow you back. Some of the members have been on the hop so long that new members receive a drive-by follow request- that is, "hi, I saw you on X hop, my website is Y, please follow!! [name]. For example:

Needless to say, the most that was said about my blog was that I have a great blog! Do they know what my blog is about? Person C assumed I would follow back with a preemptive thank you, as did person A. Person B gave me the option of feeling free to stop by and they even gave me their link, name, and website! As a note, none of these people integrated code to sign their name to a comment, which can be done. I admit to having done this, rather than just leaving a link, because blogger does allow you to use the code to do so. Rather, they all left a link, which can also be found with their name by the date. IF commenting from another site, that would be different, but these all actually did have links to their website with their name, I checked.

You see, the thing is, many of these comments can be found in my history. In fact, there was one I found from the same person on separate entries...after I was already following them!!! This leads me to believe they were not paying attention to the fact that I was actually reading their blogs and leaving them *thoughtful* comments. As a follower, this was disappointing. They were also disappointing me as a follower of my blogs, because after I left them thoughtful comments, all they could leave me were identical comments asking me to follow them. Thoughtful? No, they didn't even read, it appeared, even though I read and even commented. I went back to my comments, and apparently, they don't respond to comments either.

Another person did the same. The person came back and "followed" me from two different hops and invited me to their blog, same wording, format, and even including their url, twice. Just in case I, you know, missed it. There was a reason I wasn't following- their blog is of a type in which I'm not interested and I would not regularly read it.

You see, the thing is, there is a reason I don't follow some blogs. I'm not going to follow a blog I'm not interested in for the sake of that person having a large number of followers, and never read the blog. I like to be able to read the blogs I do follow, and I don't like my reader exploding with thousands of blogs each day. There are some blogs I actually do like to read. Those are the ones I follow, and I leave comments.

This is the way that following is meant to be done. You find blogs you like, and you keep up with them. You comment, and you build rapport with the blogs you are interested in. Running around blog hops is an easy way to find blogs you are interested in, but it's also an easy way to find commenters like those above, who only visit your blog because it's new to the hop, and the hop "says so".

It's really not fair to some bloggers, because for bloggers like me, it's not purely the number of followers that we care about, but the number of engaged followers- that is, the number of followers that actually care about and read the blog, those that come back and actually follow and read the blogs, and leave comments about the content, not just the first comment because a hop says so, then just hide the subsequent posts. Sure, I like having followers, but not if they really don't follow.

How many people will actually read this blog? How many people will actually notice? How many people in my audience will actually be engaged? This is what I care about. Going from blog to blog with spam comments "I found you here, please follow me!" will only gain you a number of readers that also only care about the number, or quantity, but not the quality.

Let's do a comparison to something else here. Let's make it something great. Let's say I give you 100 pieces of chocolate. GREAT!! Right? Now let's say it's just pictures of pieces of chocolate- not real chocolate. They'll still be there, and they still look like chocolate, but they don't do anything. They just imitate chocolate. Thus, they have no quality as chocolate. Is this as enticing? Is this as fulfilling? NO! No person I know wants imitation chocolate, they want the real thing. They want quality, even if the quantity is smaller- 1 piece of chocolate is better than 100 pictures.

The same is true of followers for me. 50 true followers, who actually care about my content, is better than 100 followers who never look at my blog. True, some of them are busy- they might interact with me over other forms of media such as twitter, and when I post an interesting blog, they might link to it; that's ok too. They interact. The ones I'm talking about look once, follow, ask me to follow, then never look or interact again.

I'll admit, I'm not the best blogger out there. I'll stand up for myself, there are worse. There are also other categories, if mine isn't the type that you're into. If you don't read, then obviously, my blog is not for you. There are picture blogs. I'm not a mom, so obviously, I will not be a mommy blogger, there are craploads of those too. I'm friends with some of them. Some are not my style, some are absolutely wonderful. I'm not really much of a cook, so I won't have recipes...you can probably find a blog completely made up of recipes. There are some blogs that just do giveaways....I don't know how, but they do. If you're a super coupon person, which I'm not, you can find that somewhere too. Some people have a twitter and blog based only on coupons. I am typically not into those either. Any interest, there's probably a blog for it.

If you're not into my blog, don't follow it, drop a basic "new follower, follow me" comment, and leave forever. It's usually not in good taste, and a lot of bloggers, unless they're looking only for followers, will put them in the spam queue. I'm starting to think this is what I'll have to do. I'd really like for people to like my blog and actually follow and read it, but if your heart's not into it, and you're not going to actually read it, there's no sense in trying to make me feel good by leaving a drive-by comment. In fact, drive-by comments make me feel ignored. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

In fact, I know I'm not the only one. I ran across an article the other day like this, and if I hadn't shut my computer down for the move, so that I could have carpet in my room, I'd quote it here, but I don't have a link, and I had linked to it through another site from another site. If I do run across it again, I'll bring back the link.

Please, think of the bloggers when you're reading a blog. In fact, I'll put it more bluntly- Do it. Think of the darn blogger, and what they want, instead of just dropping by and leaving your number. I'm not here to collect websites to visit. I'm writing because I want people to read. I would not sit here and type on my blog every day for no reason. I put myself into this. It's demeaning when people come in, drop their website, and leave, expecting me to come visit them. Sorry, but it's not going to happen.

IF YOU DON'T RESPECT ME, HOW DO YOU THINK I SHOULD TREAT YOU???


Think about it.


25 August 2011,

Wordless Wednesday

Is never completely wordless...

On TV, sock monkey can drive. I made my dad rewind the DVR so I could take pictures of sock monkey driving. Surfing too.

This is not from TV, or sock monkey's car, this is a reading from a vehicle in Texas. A sign that we need winter (or something other than summer)...for those reading Celsius, that's 49.4C. No joke.

Day before my final final (which I rocked- 95%!! I got an A in psychology...HUZZAH!)...Above my shoulder, the shelf that recently attacked me.

Picture from yesteryear. Graduation 2005 (High school)

Inspiration

Beautiful Butterfly I have hanging on my wall. Originally an ornament, but bigger than my mini-tree.

This is how I got through to where I am today. Perseverance...and there certainly is a lot of glory in overcoming great obstacles. You better believe it.

Day 14: A Land Down Under & a Blogaversary Pimp

Day 14: Somewhere I'd love to travel

One of my biggest wishes is to travel.

Now, I know that the people around me are very paranoid insecure about people traveling, especially outside the country...and I have my eyes dead set on Australia. I know, of all places in the world, that is one place I want to travel before I die. Heck, I wouldn't mind living there.

It's got so much. Not that the people in Texas aren't friendly, but the people in
Australia are really friendly. I've never met an Australian I didn't like. I've met many, many Texans I didn't like, and even many more Americans I didn't like.

One misguided assumption is that because we're American, people are out to get us/hate us/want to kill us/abduct us/torture us everywhere we go, and that we're never safe. Yes, this does happen. It's something to be careful about, and be aware of. But this should not make people put a fence around the country and refuse to leave America. It irks me when people think that America is superior to every other country in the world- we do lack a lot of things that other countries have. No, we're not a third world country, and yes, we do have a lot of advanced things, but we are not superior to everyone.

Americans have very, very flawed thinking. They tend to think their way is the only way, and anyone not following their way is stupid, ignorant, a liar, uneducated, whatever. Then they go on to berate an belittle those not of their political/social/religious views as though the other person's beliefs have no basis. Very close-minded, very wrong. It's all about perspective, and accepting other people for who they are. Americans have a problem with this.

Actually, Americans have a lot of problems right now.

But that's not the point. The point is, I think that Australia would be an amazing place to visit, I could definitely handle the climate (after all, Texas is pretty damn moody with its temperatures and weather patterns), the people there have wicked awesome accents, they're friendly, and I'm sure they have their flaws, but they are such a tight-knit country, and sometimes, America could use that.

Plus, I'd love to see if their toilets really do flush backwards =P

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Also, it's worth mentioning that one of my fellow bloggers has his blogaversary today- The Simple Dude, who pimps blogs all the time, is a year old today. Happy blogaversary, Dude. Visit him, wish him a happy blogaversary, and consider buying his book on Amazon- it's really interesting, and pretty helpful too, as well as being cheap enough to not throw you into debt. And it's about blogs!

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I'm also taking donations for anyone who would like to see me visit Australia :) just kidding (although donations would be nice, lol)

Day 13: Eye Opening

Day 13: Something or someone that has had a huge impact on my life

Without a doubt, that something would be an entity, a group of people I suppose, or I guess you could just say the profession, social work.

For a long time, I didn't know what I was doing. When I started college, and for a long time before, I had no idea where I was going with my life. I had a lot of troubles, which I really won't go into, and I kind of floated around trying to find my place. It didn't really work all that well for me, and I didn't ever find anything that really suited me that well. I wasn't happy with it, and, truth be told, a lot of things leading up to my "epiphany," if you will, probably made things worse.

In late 2006, I decided I was going to go the psychology route at the university, since that had been one of my favorite freshman classes. I had already taken a lot of the prerequisite courses, but in order to take higher level courses as a psychology major, I had to take a Research, Design, and Statistics course, part one and two. I took the first part, and kicked ass in the course, but my other courses suffered.

During the second part, in early 2007, I started having a lot of problems, and my grade reflected that. I had a (unavoidable) stint away from classes, which forced a lot of my grades down, including Research, Design, and Stats II. I never really liked the stats part anyway, but I was doing it because psychology was what I wanted.

After a rough semester, I pretty much stumbled my way to failure, and, when it all came to a close, we had to do some work to get things set straight. When I went to the academic advisor about the fall term, we had a talk about what went right and wrong, and I told her about what I liked and what I didn't. She then advised me, surprisingly, to go to the social work advisor and see if I liked the course of study there. They did a referral...what? I didn't know. I was stunned.

I did it. I took the intro course that fall, and I was stoked. I made my first A in a very long time. Things started to pick up for me. I felt a little better. I took more courses, and continued to make As in them. Not only was it giving me a higher GPA, which I so desperately needed, but it was boosting my self esteem, because I found something I was actually capable of doing well, learning, and succeeding, as well as something that would end up being my major.

I learned a lot of things about myself through social work, and a lot about coping skills, and through learning how to help other people, I also learned things I could do to help myself! *not a part of the degree plan, but definitely a positive side effect*

In the fall of 2009, I officially sent in the letter of application to declare a major in social work, and was accepted! For someone who, not too long before, had no idea where they were going, this was a huge step. Not only that, but I was making huge life changes. My attitude and functioning overall were drastically changed. People who take a look at my transcript, they can tell you that there's a major difference in my grades, a major transformation and improvement.

I look at the world differently. I look at myself differently. I have better coping, studying, self-awareness, communication, presentation, writing, and many other skills. Had it not been for social work, and that psychology advisor that told me I should check it out, I may not be finished with school yet. I may have still been fishing around. I may not have the knowledge and skills I've acquired by default from the classes I've taken. Self-regulation would be different. My attitude and communication would be different. I might not feel as capable because I wouldn't have the degree. I wouldn't have had the experience that my internship gave me, including the harsh lessons that I eventually learned...although harsh, they were, nevertheless, lessons learned.

Social work, as a whole, has had such a huge effect on my life that I just can't emphasize it enough. Even though I don't have a job, it does teach a lot of skills that can be applied anywhere, skills that you might not learn other places. The degree and the field is so versatile and has so many applications, and the scope of study so wide, that you learn so much. I love it. I hated some of the classes (note: very few, mostly those dealing with research and statistics...actually, just research and statistics), but in them, I learned a lot more than I thought I could.

Now, it will be a part of the rest of my life, as I wait for my license and a job. I want to go to grad school, too, for my masters' degree. In 2007, I never would have seen myself in graduate school. Now it's just something that I'm waiting for funds in order to achieve it. My job? It will be in social work. Yes, social work is a major part of my life.

So, has it had a huge impact on my life? Absolutely, and it will continue to do so. Thank you, social work, for showing me so many things I never knew, and for leading me through university and to a career that I'll enjoy.

Following Etiquette

The etiquette of following people...

That sounds sort of stalkerish, doesn't it? I know it does. But, lately, I don't mind people stalking me online. I kind of like it when they think I have something to say. The thing is, there is some etiquette that I think should be followed online, when following, that isn't always...followed!

1) When following someone new....look at the content of their post, and don't just say: "I followed you from here, please follow back!! That annoys the shit out of me. I'm sorry, but if you didn't read my post, are you really interested, or are you only following because you want me to come back and actually read your blog and follow you?

2) Greet the person. You can mention that you're a new follower, and, in fact, that's probably a good idea! I don't mind you mentioning that you're a new follower, as long as that's not the whole context of your comment. It helps me to figure out who is who, who says what, and where I shall be visiting next.

3) Don't visit just once to ask for a follow. If you want to follow a person, or if you start following a person, to ask for a follow-back, and you really want them to follow you back, don't just visit them once and then ignore them. Truth be told, some of the people I follow, I'm not into all their content, but I go back and comment when I find something that I like! That doesn't mean I stalk every post, because sometimes I won't like their post. If I find myself disinterested, I move on...which leads me to...

4) If you're disinterested, don't be a troll and be rude on posts! If you're going to follow someone, and you really don't like their content, you don't have to follow them. It's nice to have followers, yes, but not followers that have negative things to say about your posts. If you have some content that you like, make sure to go and read the post and comment!

5) Comment!! Comments are your friend. If you want someone to follow you back, they're more likely to do so if you leave them a comment. Sometimes, I don't know where my follows come from. I mean, they could be blog hop followers who are following me simply because the rules say to follow a blog hopper, and they could care less what I have to say, or they could be someone genuinely interested. Even short comments are good! If you say "Hey, I like what you wrote today"...that's a good comment! "Hey, I like dogs too!" is an excellent comment. If I find someone commenting regularly, I'll go check them out, even if they're not following me. Sometimes I follow them because I like their blogs, even if they're not following me.

6) Don't be rude. If there's a misspelling or a typo, see if you can find a way to send a message. I've seen comments that rudely address the blogger with a correction to the typo, with no other comment or content. If you're following me to be a grammar nazi, you're probably following the wrong blog.

7) Be friendly with the people you follow. I've found that I actually like a lot of the people I follow, and even some of the bigger names respond and follow. It makes me tickled when someone who has a bigger blog, a larger sphere of influence, and more followers than I have viewers, comes and visits my blog, comments, follows, or even just tweets me. BUT this often starts out with my action- I tweet them first, I follow them first, and I comment on their blogs. I make myself known. I'm friendly, and I pay attention.

8) Social networks are your friends. If you want people to follow you, sometimes you have to use social networks. Have few followers and want more? Put it on facebook. Afraid mom might see? There are settings to where you can block her from seeing it (and I'm serious). Twitter? Really good way to spread word. Plus, if you follow someone on twitter, they usually follow you back, out of interest, to find out who it is that's following them. Half the time, I end up getting 10 followers when I follow 2 or 3 people. I have a hard time keeping up. Once you follow people, talk to them. Tell them what's going on. Invite them to your blog, but make sure to mention their content too. Show interest (and don't fake it).

9) Blog hop following- When you follow on a blog hop....you often just read one post. BAD BAD BAD!!! Go back. Read another. Perhaps the person might write something more interesting. If something doesn't spark your interest, don't follow them just because you clicked their link, and be done with it. Find something that sparks your interest. Don't hide their blogs in your feed. If you're not going to read them, why are you following them?

10) Best of all these tips- if you're following someone, and you find them to be fantastic, spectacular, wonderful, and all of the above, share them with your friends and followers. Maybe give them a shout out in your blog. To be honest, I've had a couple shout outs (make sure you tell them they've been pimped), and it makes me feel great! Mention what the blog is about, how you found them, and why you think they should be followed. The best thing about good following is blogger love. If they see that you pimped them, they're likely to do something nice for you too. I read and reviewed a book for someone that pimped me. I write guest blogs for another person sometimes. This makes me feel good. I love it. This way, you can find out if people are actually interested, rather than just following because the rules of a hop say so.

BONUS: Participate in a blog hop!! Yes, a lot of them have rules. They want you to follow other bloggers. Thing is, many of us don't have time to surf through all the linkyers in a blog hop, and settle on the first one we click on. Bad idea! Click on more than one, and you're likely to find someone who you like following! This makes the experience better, and gives you more material that is worth being on the follow list. After all, you don't want followers that don't like you at all; I'm sure they don't either. I mean, a big follower list is great and all, but don't you actually want people reading and liking your blog? Yea. I have a page of blog hops that I participate in, and they're also all at the bottom of my page, if you want to check them all out. ;) These are the best way to get your blog out there, and find people that like it. Participating in monthly activities and prompted writing may also help, if you have trouble with content- future blogging topic. xoxo

The blogosphere is a great place to make friends and build relationships with other people who share interests like your own. Sometimes, though, people ruin it, and make it an uncomfortable place. Don't be one of those people. When you follow someone, make it worth the time. I see people all the time with thousands of followers, but very few actually engage, and it's sad! Commitment, commitment, commitment. And, of course, blogger love. Share it, spread it, love your fellow blogging associates. Most of all, be a good follower!