Books over toys

Day 7: Your favorite childhood toys

I honestly don't remember having any favorite toys. I remember having barbies, but they were always put away. I remember having Polly Pockets, but they were always in my bottom desk drawer. My favorite toys were books. I loved my books. Dictionaries, encyclopedias, fiction, anything I could get my hands on.

Yes, I was a very strange child indeed.

I still am very strange. Half my moving out and moving back in when we were recarpeting involved books. I had more books than anything else. I was too ashamed to count how many boxes of books I actually had. Not to mention binders and notebooks...

I write. I read. I love words. I can't remember a time when this wasn't true. I knew how to spell hippopotamus in kindergarten. I was exempt from a spelling test in 4th grade because I was the only person in the class to spell chlorophyll correctly. I took pride in spelling acetylsalicylic acid correctly in the 6th grade, antidisestablishmentarianism in the 5th. In high school, I almost made it to state, but rendezvous kicked my butt, although I got flibbertigibbet, among other words (we didn't get those back). I've taken pride in learning hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia and pneunonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

I continue to search. My bookshelf hasn't stopped growing. My love for books hasn't, either. Even when college textbooks were abound, there was always an astray fiction book...I couldn't let go.

In that way, I'm still a child. I still play with my toys. In a way, I'm becoming more of a child, because I love stuffed animals so much more now. I'm attached to my sock monkey- he's even been featured here a few times. As for actual toys...I still haven't come up with any really. Are rollerblades toys? I went rollerblading when I was a tween, with my friend. I'd never go back there, though. Or maybe we could consider my laptop a toy.

OK, I'm sounding way too geeky now.

Deuces!!

I really don't know the meaning of life

Day 6: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality

I've written 2 blogs on the zodiac before, and, hilariously enough, a great number of people have stumbled upon my blog looking for "life meaning" and "what does my zodiac sign mean"

So, to play along, here's another blog about my zodiac sign. Plus, I love throwing Google off. SEO is great when it throws things off a bit. Of course, I don't think it's funny when I'm seriously looking for something and stumble upon a blog that has nothing to do with what I"m looking for, but nevertheless...I'm gonna do it. Just for shits and giggles.

Sun Sign: Sagittarius.

Similarities: There are few things I have in common with a Sagittarius-one is the longing to be free from this environment because I feel stuffed up and confined. That is, I don't like living in this place. I want my own place. They typically have a thirst for knowledge and are very intellectual. Like other Sagittarians, I'd also like to travel- my destination would be Australia. Sagittarians are typically free-spirited (I'm not) and like to roam (I'll admit I do that, on occasion). Honestly, I'd like to find a place to stay, but I'd like it to not be in the confines of my parents' house. They say no rules but really? If I'm not home by 10 my phone is blowing up with texts and phone calls wanting to know where I'm at. Reality check. There is one more- Saggys are open and tolerant in their views- that I am, very much so. It's not my place to judge you, so I won't. People will have different opinions, and I respect that, and I won't try to change or hate on you for it.

Differences: Well, for one thing, Sagittarius is a mutable sign- that is, they are open to change. By God, you try to change anything on me and I will lose it (emotional- see below, where I relate my moon sign). I don't deal with change well at all. Sagittarians are generally outgoing and extroverted- I am one of the most introverted people you might meet- I can put on an introverted front for work, which is why I can be a social worker, but as far as being extroverted, I am FAR from it. My Myers-Briggs typology puts me on the extreme end of introverted. Apparently, they also don't care much for details, but I'm all about detail, baby, all about detail. 

Moon Sign: Pisces (insert SEO identifier that will bring people in flocks to this specific entry)

Similarities: I kind of think I have more in common with my moon sign, ping SEO, the Pisces. Generally, the moon sign is more related to emotion, and by goodness am I an emotional person; not to mention that Pisces is generally more of an emotional sign. My emotions have emotions! Yes, I am very emotional, so emotional that...well, it's difficult to control all this emotion. They, too, dislike discipline and confinement (so perhaps I just get it from both ends of the deal, eh?). They're not 8-5 people (because really, those times suck, unless you're some sadistic creature that likes waking up before the sun comes up...). They're creative, and they reach out to help other people (social work? Ring a bell?). Not always a good thing, but they always worry that they're going to fail (I can't help it, but I do worry about that) and, like the Pisces, I don't have the motivation to actually rebel, despite my dislikes.

Differences: Not many. I don't live in a dream world- I've been slapped by reality a few too many times. I'm not as artistic as I used to be, although I could probably pick it back up if I took the opportunity. I would give a lot in relationships, which I didn't add in my similarities simply because I don't have relationships. I did find that in friendships, though, I was often giving more than receiving, and this chased people off. Annnnd that ends my differences section.

CHINESE ZODIAC

I add this simply because a lot of people don't know a lot about their Chinese zodiac or what it means. The Chinese actually have 2 parts to the zodiac, not just the animal. There is a second part, which is an element, which many people don't know about.

My Chinese zodiac is the Fire Rabbit. Ironically enough, this is almost identical to my Western zodiac- Sagittarius is a fire sign, and the Rabbit is the Chinese equivalent to the Pisces as far as characteristics go. The first time I looked this up, I was taken aback because- how could this have worked out this way? How could I happen to have exactly the same signs/meanings in both the Chinese and Western zodiac, when they are measured in different ways? The Western zodiac is measured by the time, date, and location of your birth in relationship to the location of the planets, while the Chinese is assigned first by month to determine the element, then by year to determine the animal. There are also deeper determinations- by day and hour of day, which are the inner and "secret" self. Not knowing much about the Chinese zodiac myself, and having only just read tidbits here and there, I will leave it at this, just knowing that it's interesting that my "element" and my animal happen to fall in line with the Western zodiac. There's my day 6!

Now I can have more people come through SEO trying to find the meaning of life and happen to fall into my blog...sorry guys. I don't know the meaning of life.

Religion- A Controversial Topic

Day 4: Your view on religion

Oh Lordy (pun intended) let's open up a can of worms!

Alright. My view...

A) For myself- It's called "Agnostic Theism". I do believe there is a higher power out there. However, I do not give the higher power a name (or gender- I would not say He, for example), or a number- I don't know if there is one or multiple. I do, however, believe that there is some sort of higher power in control.

The Agnostic part is that I don't attribute any sort of religious deity to the higher power- it is not "God" or "Allah" or whatever. I don't know what powers it has or does not have. The general meaning of agnostic is "not knowing"- and that's the principle here- we really don't know what's up here. People can Bible thump all day, but the Bible was written by people. Yes, people who say that God was speaking to them (do we know whether this was true?), but people, nevertheless. For me, I will never truly "know" what to believe, and I will not believe in a deity without knowing. I don't know what's up there, and I'm not going to tell anyone else that I know what's up there either. I'm not going to praise anything up there if I don't know what's up there. It's that simple. I don't know what's up there. I won't know what's up there, and neither will anyone else- Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Atheist- until after we've left and cannot come back to tell everyone else.

The theism part is that I do believe there is something up there. I don't know what it is (previous paragraph), and it's hard to praise something if you don't know what it is...but there is something. I do believe in the goodness of people, and that we should do what good we can while we are here on Earth, but I do not attribute that to religion. I do not attribute that to God or any other deity. I attribute that to my beliefs as a human being. Even if I were atheist, I would still be doing good things, because it is in my nature. However, I believe in theism, I believe in higher power, and I do believe that there is something higher in this universe. The extent of the powers of this deity or number of deities, and the characteristics, features, beliefs, wishes, etc., are not mine to theorize about. I will not try to guess what they want- rather, I will live my life, and if it is what they are pleased with, so be it, and if not, so be it. I do believe I am doing the best I can to be a good person. That's the goal I'm aiming for. I'm not aiming to push anyone else to believe this- I'm just aiming to get through life.

I believe there is some sort of place we go after we live, but I don't know what it's like. I don't know if there is a heaven or hell, but I'm pretty certain they exist. They may not be as described in certain books that people look to for everything, but they probably exist. I do believe there have been monumental times in history that have changed the way that man has lived, but I don't know when or how they happened- it could have been any of the myths we hear, stories from the Bible or other books of religion, or it could be something completely different.

As for creationism, a day, month, year, and so forth could be defined completely differently in the terms of whatever deity created the Earth and its inhabitants. It could have fluctuated between longer and shorter time periods, or time could have been massively longer or shorter than it is now. These people living massively long lives in the bible, hundreds of years, could have been living in times when a year was defined as much shorter- after all, look how long it took to get a regular calendar! As for the Big Bang theory, it could have been a part of creation- does this make me a Scientific Agnostic Theist?? The dinosaurs and evolution could have all been a part of a long massive day that whatever deity was testing to figure out what animals were best suited for survival on the planet he was creating...and giving us other planets to explore for fun (who knows what's going through a deity's head?) before creating the regular length we consider a night and day.

Anyone shoot down my theories- go ahead, they're just theories- I'll come up with something else. That's the way I am. I'll find a way to make a new theory. There are so many things that could be true, would be true, might be true. Earth is an endless mass of possibilities. Deities add to that mass, and the fact that nobody can see or know about them outside the realm of human life adds to the great debate. There will never be agreement on the subject- as long as humans have free will, there will be difference in opinion and interpretation.

Honestly, not truly knowing myself, I don't want to say anyone else is wrong, because any of these people could be spouting off the truth, or they could, every single one, be wrong. I don't know, therefore, I can't say. Who am I to follow, when I don't truly know myself? I just know there is something out there, and that's all I need to know. That's all I want to know, that's all I have to know. As long as I keep living life in a positive way, helping people and trying to make things better, I think that's all that matters, really.

B) Other people- I'm not going to tell someone else what to believe. I might tell someone else what I believe, but as far as what they believe, I'm not going to tell them they're wrong, or that they're going to hell. I can't say they're right or wrong. I don't know what they believe, I don't know anything about their deity, I don't know what happens after death, and I can't make any judgments. I won't preach about it. If someone asks me about it, I'll tell them- this is what I believe, this is why, and if you want to believe it, that's ok, if not, that's alright too.

As far as their children go, I believe that people should introduce their children to many religions- Muslim, Jewish, Christian, Catholic, even Agnosticism and possibly Atheism- and see which one they think they like the best. As for choosing a religion, this might be left for older children. One might raise them exploring different religions, letting them see more than just a book, but actually going to services and be involved. This will allow them to see what they're going into- and make an informed decision from there. This way they have the information and the experience they need to make that informed decision, and they don't feel pressured to do so. They should never feel pressured in the decision to follow a certain belief.

They should, though, be given the chance to experience different beliefs, rather than just growing up without the resources. If they don't know what's out there, they can't make an informed decision. The same is true if they only attend Christian churches, and are told they can choose. How can they know about other religions? The education they can receive from attending other churches, or at least meeting people from other religions, can be valuable to them for the rest of their lives, and will also help with acceptance of others (although some parents may go WHOA, I don't want my kid accepting that kid). It is actually a good thing for a child, even if the parent is hesitant. It's exploration, learning, education. It allows for informed decisions and lets the child know that it's ok to believe many different things. It teaches the child that there are many different views out there, and choosing one will be difficult.
______________________________________________________________________________

Allowing a child to dabble in religion teaches love, acceptance, culture, perception, and the value of exploration.


Agnostic theism (or...Scientific Agnostic Theism) takes into account that anyone could be right- and it acknowledges that while I believe there is a higher power, I don't know much about it, so I can't say much about it. The scientific part means I can't debunk science, but I can fit science in, because I don't know about the deity's mind, and perhaps they had different perceptions of time and space, and who knows, maybe they did some experimenting of their own. We don't know, and will never know for sure, although anyone can try to tell me what to believe. I'm telling you, I do believe there's something up there! I just don't give it characteristics like you do! I allow for flexibility, and that makes the topic of religion much more comfortable for me.

THOSE- those are my beliefs on religion. Let the wars begin.

Day 3- Pet Peeves

Day 3- Your Top 5 Pet Peeves

Being the overachiever that I am (and the person with a lot of pet peeves) I'll go ahead and list....10.

1) Ice. Why do places always have to fill your drinks with expanded chunks of water, and furthermore, why do people like them so much that they ask for extra and/or chew on them? I'll never understand it. I have to ask for easy ice so I can actually get a substantial amount to drink, instead of a lot of expanded frozen water, and that annoys the heck out of me. Irk.

2) People who think they own the parking lot (and swoop in and grab the parking space you've been waiting for). Assholes...I'm sitting here with my blinker on, obviously waiting for the spot...and you take it? What's your problem? No, I don't have road rage, I'm Texan....

3) When the radio plays new things (particularly Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj, or Justin Bieber) ad nauseum. I get the point, they have a new song. Please stop stabbing my eardrums and actually play music, like you were meant to do. Really, it gets old, and it gets old fast.

4) When things break and the wait time for them to fix is longer than a week. Really, do you have to outsource it that far? Do you not have anyone in the state that knows how to fix a problem? What happened to all these technicians that are going to college?

5) Jobs making you go online to apply and not accepting applications any other way, or even phone calls. I mean, I know this makes it easier for them, and it even helps when looking for a place that has openings, but it really makes it difficult to find out what their first impression is of you other than what they see on a screen, and it makes it really makes it difficult to give a first impression other than your application- in fact, you have to make it to the interview to really make any sort of impression aside from having the qualifications.

6) Speaking of jobs and their processes- the character interviews. They don't really tell you much about a person's character anyway. Did you know there are books out there about how to answer those, and people that "leak" how the answers work? Your character interviews are an ineffective and tedious part of the process.

7) People who claim to know things they really don't know (I won't name names here). There are things that don't happen for the reason that you claim they happen. You have backwards thinking. There are things that don't operate the way you say they do. Things have changed a little. Your beliefs are flawed.

8) Speaking of beliefs, voting- people who vote for someone because of the way they look, or because of where they're from- and I know people who do this. "I don't want to vote for someone from the north" or "I don't want to vote for someone white" or "I don't want to vote for someone black" (I've seen it both ways). "I don't want to vote for a woman" or "I don't want to vote for that person because they have a messed up nose"...people, really, is this what matters? I know, I'm not into politics, and I don't vote, because in the end...it's these kind of people that win out, and in my county/locality, my vote doesn't make any difference. If you have a very large group of Republicans, and add in one person who votes (any other way) (I don't have a party), their vote isn't going to make any waves no matter what it is. They aren't going to change the people who are stubborn in their ways, which number many. Stop trying to convince me! And stop voting in stupid ways, and maybe I'll consider it!!

9) Food touching. I don't see how people can just mix all their food together. I must separate them and eat them one at a time. I don't know why, I just must. My parents say when I was young I would "scream bloody murder" when my foods touch. I would still do this, if it was acceptable. However, I know acceptable table (couch?) behavior, and I don't scream, I just try to separate them.

10) Judgmental people. I know it sounds like I'm judgmental sometimes, but I'm not going to love or hate a person based on any of these things. In fact, I can't think of anyone I love or hate. There are some people that grind my gears, but I have a feeling that if I had some time away, it would be less stressful. Even if I dislike someone, most of the time I don't know why, and I tolerate them- they rarely know. There has been one person that I've expressed my dislike to- that I'd rather jump a cliff than see her again- and yet I tolerated seeing her. She stated that I was a very tolerant person, and had I not told her, she probably would not have known that I had such a dislike. Bottom line? Don't judge people, and even if you do, you don't have to make it known to the world, you should still treat them like humans. Better to not judge them at all though. I'm human, I admit I've done it, but it's not a practice I participate in regularly.



I think I could add more, but people might start thinking I'm bitter and have too many pet peeves. They might even start avoiding me. I don't want that to happen! It's actually really difficult to get onto my bad side (oh, spammers aren't on my list, and they should be way up there too....). I'm fairly easy to get along with and accepting. There are people who annoy me >.> They usually know who they are and why, because they instigate it, or they don't know because they really haven't done anything wrong and it's just a quirk of mine, in which case, there's no reason for them to think they've done anything wrong.

Thirty Three and a Traumatized Dog

Day 2: Where you'd like to be in ten years

Well, in ten years, I'd certainly like to be far past where I am right now. I'll be thirty-three (that one, I have no choice in the matter). I'd like to be finished with my Masters' degree, and have my license and a stable career. Of course, since I don't see myself with anyone, I'm not particular about where I'd live- perhaps a nice small place in suburbia- I actually quite like suburbia. It's not so far away from town that you are completely isolated from everything, but it's not at the core of everything, where there's constantly hustle and bustle, and you never get to rest.

That, really, sums up where I'd like to be in ten years.

Our poor dog got traumatised today, and it's partially my fault...poor thing.

You see, every once in a while, he'll get in the habit of coming into my room and jumping onto my bed. Typically, he doesn't jump on furniture, so this is unusual. He's never been the type to jump on furniture much- which is good, because he's a big dog.

Well, today my parents got me a new mattress (the other was probably older than I am....it was about time for it to retire). I'm quite pleased with it. Goober (the dog), on the other hand...well, not so much. He sized my room up, knowing something was different, when he came in, but nevertheless gave a running leap at my bed. He didn't realise that it sits about a half foot higher than it did before...and he landed square in the middle of his chest, with this face that...I don't know how to describe. It was funny and pitiful all at the same time.

He turned tail and ran out of my room. I tried to call him back, and I was going to sit on the floor with him, but when he turned the corner and saw my bed again, he turned around and ran. He hasn't come back this direction since then. I think I traumatised him, and I feel awful about it...but I can't help but laugh at the pitiful face he made when he landed, paws flailed to the sides, halfway on the bed. Is it bad that I wish I had a camera to catch the face he made at that moment?

Hopefully, someday, he'll overcome his fear and be able to once again brave coming into my room to see me on occasion....it'll be difficult to adjust to, poor thing. I keep finding myself trying to sit on the lower bed, so it's unusual for me too, but I'm not having any trauma from it...but I also didn't land like he did. I also didn't end up the subject of a blog because of my facial expression after landing on the bed. As a memory, I'll add a picture of him on my old bed, after my initial shock of seeing him, the first time he ever came in my room, also the first time I ever saw him jump on a piece of furniture.

Randomosity 30 Days of Me- Perpetually Single

I have to say, I really liked the 30 days about me thing. It gave me something to write about sometimes when I was at a point where I didn't have much to write about, and at this point in my life, I'm finding a lot of that. This month, through some searching, I found another 30 days of me, on Randomosity Blog, so I'll be doing that one this month- but since this one is not restricted by day, I can start and finish when I want.

So, this month, I will start on Day 1. If there is a topic I don't want to post about, or that I feel uncomfortable posting about, of course, I will not post about it, as it is my freedom to choose what to post or not post about. Of course, now you'll be able to see what I choose to post or not post about. Well. That's fine I guess.

Day 1: My current relationship.

They start with a doozy. I'm single. I always have been single, unless you count the kid that went out with me on a dare in middle school, because the other kids didn't believe he would ask out such a dorky kid as myself. He broke up with me the next day. Confidence booster.

I was always the awkward one. It really was a downer to see everyone else going out with someone while I was always single. It is a downer to see my sister with boyfriends while I'm single (still). It's a downer to see my brother getting engaged while I'm (still) single. Both of them are younger. I'm proud of my brother, excited for him even, but I can't help but feel a little down about it.

I think, more than anything, I want for someone to care for me, unconditionally, but I've given up on that ever happening. I know, some people tell me they didn't have these things happen until they were older (late twenties, early 30s, maybe later), but I don't believe it'll ever happen for me. I just don't think I'm fit for it. Even so, I'm not ready for certain things in a relationship... there are things in my past that I can't forget. Things I tell nobody.

I'll never have a boyfriend. I don't even want one anymore. Maybe the caring of someone. The unconditional love. Someone to spend time with, and share things with. Nothing further. You can thank certain guys for that. There's a complete lack of will to go out with anyone, which is a complete buzzkill for a relationship- which will thereby kill any possibly relationships anyway.

Brand pessimist on my forehead...or just allow me to live single, because that's probably better anyway. My brother and sister- they'll have successful relationships. I'd like to call it realism...nobody has realistically looked my way for a real relationship- why would they do it in a year, two years, or five years? Thing is, it doesn't really bother me that much anymore- I've given to the perception of myself being single in the future, and it's really not all that bad. Not the best life, but not horrible. I can live with it.

Day 30: To Infinity and Beyond!

Day 30: A dream for the future beyond next year...think long term

I've known this one for a very, very long time. I've written about it many times. Some people are probably sick of hearing about it, so this will be very brief. This is the final day of "30 Days About Me," appropriately asking about what will happen beyond here. I know I've missed some days- I've had a few people say they want to participate, and I don't have the comprehensive list on my blog, but if you want all the prompts to do a 30 days about yourself, you can find the list linked here, and although you won't be able to link up to the posts for the month of August, it'll give you the opportunity to participate in a 30 day writing thingy.

On to my dream for the future.

1) I want to see Germany, Austria, other parts of Europe like London, Paris, and maybe other places like Norway, Iceland, but the main place that I would absolutely love to go, if I ever had the chance, would be Australia. I'd also like to see some parts of South America, Canada, the Caribbean, (not Central America though), maybe the country South Africa. Not an exhaustive list, but the highlights.

2) I want to have a nice place of my own, not necessarily with a family- however, if I do ever have kids, they would probably be adopted- heaven forbid if they end up with my genes. I don't want kids like me. They wouldn't be very happy, and they'd have a lot to worry about.

3) Learn German. I'd love to become fluent, but that, I know, is rough after the teenage years because of brain plasticity. However, if it can happen, I would love it.

4) I want to pay off all my debts and still be able to afford to live comfortably. Being a social worker, I know that's gonna be rough. I'll have to work it out somehow. I'll probably end up working two jobs anyway, because I don't like downtime.

5) Move away from Texas. I know it's where I live and all, but it's not where I want to live forever. I'd also like to travel the country before settling down, and see all the sights that there are to see, in every state. Road trip, anyone?

6) Feel better....for good. Not just avoid bad days- I know they happen...but avoid the depression. There's a difference.

7) Find someone who cares about me genuinely. I doubt this will happen, but it is a dream of mine. I don't believe that everyone has a soulmate- really, I don't.

8) Now that there are 7, I have to reach 10, so I need a few more. Let's see. I would love to see both my brother and sister graduate from college, even though my brother is currently no longer attending college. I'd love to see them get married (my brother is on his way there) and have families of their own, and have happy lives themselves.

9) I'd like to find a niche. A place I belong. Somewhere I can feel comfortable and be myself. A place where I know I'm accepted, and where I don't feel I have to bend backwards to be someone else, or wear a mask or façade to fit in. Friends and everything will be there.

10) I'd love to meet all my bloggy friends. That means all the ones from all the corners of the world- readers and bloggers alike. I want to know who it is that likes what I'm writing, as well as the ones that I'm reading. I want to meet them all!!

THIS IS PERHAPS THE BIGGEST DREAM OF MY ENTIRE LIFE:::::
My dream, my biggest dream, is that I will become a LMSW. For those of you not educated in the lingo of Social Work, that means a Licensed Masters' of Social Work. This would require a second degree- probably about 2 extra years of schooling, which I hope to complete at UT Arlington- and further licensing.

This is my goal for the future. To help as many people as I possibly can. I know I can't help everyone, but I can at least make a difference with the ones I can reach. Each one that I can help makes a difference. That's what counts.

Day 28: Inside my purse

Day 28: What's in your backpack, computer bag, or purse?

Well, seeing as I no longer have a backpack, and I don't keep my computer in a bag, I'll have to disclose the contents of my suitcase purse.

Wallet: TXDL (driver's license- expires in 11/11), CPR certification, 3 debit cards, my University of Texas at Arlington ID, my Six Flags 2011 Season Pass, and my Ameristar Casino Awards card from St. Louis, along with a plethora of change (I love the word plethora), a local library card, a UTA bookstore card so I can check for when caps/gowns come in for graduation, a Sprint store card, Lincoln, Hamilton, a medication list & 4 coupons for VitaminWater. It's one of those flat wallets too (master of putting lots of things in small places...my purse isn't spectacularly large!).

Makeup/Prettying up stuff: Maybelline Mineral Powder (brush separate), which I wear when I wear makeup, which is when I need to look decent. I have four different colours of eyeliner- sapphire, emerald, glittery pale blue & charcoal, silver eyeshadow, clear mascara- I thought it would be useful with my eye sensitivity, but not much, CG powder compact with mirror for when I get paler in the winter, the palest concealer that exists (cover up that ugly mug), lovely maroon nail polish, clear polish, a compact mirror, two Chapsticks & a Blistex, bracelet my dad gave me, 3 sets of nail clippers, several sets of hair ties, and a hair clip.

Scents, Skin Treatments: Nivea Soft Moisturizing Creme, Clean & Clear Persa-gel 10% Benzoyl Peroxide spot treatment (thanks, I actually need some right now), C-Thru scent with beads, coconut/lime scent- typically I have lotion, but it's lost since the whole recarpeting thing.

Other medical stuff: A backstock of each daily prescription in case I miss it in my rush out the door, asthma inhaler, OTC eye drops, Vicks vapor inhaler, tin of Sudafed and Benedryl, Dramamine, Midol, 2 vials of albuterol (hey, they can't charge me for them if I supply them), 5 tampons of 2 different types (you asked! For your sake, I didn't picture), *altoids...*, bottle of ibuprofen, medicated blistex.

Various: A pair of glasses to drive at night (I wear sunglasses during the day), spare keys, 2 pencils & 2 pens (just to be safe), several Arizona pomegranate green tea mixes, a flash/jump drive, a reference to UT Southwestern Medical Center, various coins lying about, a pack of Extra (watermelon), hand sanitizer, Lysol disinfectant spray, a lighter (not a smoker, don't know why I have a lighter), and a phone charger (not pictured because it's charging my phone).

As you can see below, I don't have that large of a purse, but sometimes I fit various other things like deodorant or a hairbrush (don't ask how I fit it in there, I just do!).

The contents of my purse vary quite frequently, so I doubt that this will last very long. About the only thing that remains regular is the contents of my wallet, and even that will change soon, as my drivers' license expires soon, I've graduated from the university, my Season Pass is going to expire soon, those coupons will expire soon, etc. There you have it, you have seen inside my purse. Not very interesting, aye?

Day 27- Guilty as Charged

Day 27: Worst Habit

I have a lot of bad habits. I mean, a lot.

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I'd have to say that staying up über late is the worst! To go along with it, I sleep in. I suppose if I live in a different time zone, the hours I keep now would be acceptable- suppose, Australia- these exact hours would be normal. Unfortunately, this is not Australia, and business hours do not run late into the evening to accommodate for night owls. I've tried going to bed earlier, but my mind doesn't sleep until the later hours, no matter what time I put my body in bed.

Another one is losing track of time spent on the internet. I stumble upon one site (however, I do not use StumbleUpon), click links leading me to another site, and the next thing I know, several hours have gone by without me noticing. I do this quite frequently, and I type quite a lot- my right hand is not thankful for this, and often goes numb while I'm typing. When this happens, I switch to my phone for a while. If the Wi-Fi goes out, the phone is my next resort. Bad habit? Methinks.

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Another? Talking excessively...or should I say writing/blogging? When I start, I don't stop. I keep going. I feel I must explain myself. Every word I say. Sometimes I probably lose the reader, but I keep going. Perhaps someone likes my verbose nature (anyone?) or my descriptions. I don't know. I still keep going. I'm like the Energizer bunny (which was actually stolen from Duracell, did you know that?) which brings me to my next point...

Spouting off random facts that nobody really cares about. I do this quite frequently. Often they're unrelated to the topic at hand. I'll also start talking, and be very unable to stop until someone says OK, WE GET IT...then I feel quite embarrassed, and will completely stop talking. Where is the hard wiring everyone else gets that tells them when to shut up? Where is the "OK, this is a pointless fact, and very irrelevant, so keep it to yourself" reminder?

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Keeping to myself. I've always liked to keep to myself. I don't know why. When I was younger I had one closer friend, the rest were through school or whatever, but mostly I hung alone there too. I would read or hang alone by the monkey bar house during recess. They'd make fun of me and I'd cry. Sometimes I'd take a really long time and pick through my lunch to avoid the social part of lunch in middle school. I never knew where to sit. I'd sit alone. If sitting at a table now, and there were no empty tables, I'd find the seat farthest away from anyone else. Why do I do this? Not a good way to make friends. Bad habit. Even kind of did some of this at my internship. I'd sit at the desk doing paperwork when there wasn't a group going on.

Taking things far too literally and getting upset too easily. I do this often. Or not understanding, like jokes. I'm still trying to figure out a picture from earlier today that people were LOLing at. Another joke, too. Am I dense? Naïve? Included in this is obsessing with details...maybe I'm obsessing too much? Not enough? Maybe I'm distracted by the details (like in other situations), and can't see the situation as funny? I don't know. But once someone explains it, I'm like OH....*berate self mentally....* (another bad habit)

Sadly, I can see myself doing this.
I keep my crayons in colour order in the box.
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Again, I have the obsession with details. It throws me off the bigger picture, and while being in tune with details can be a good thing, obsessing over them is not quite so good. I don't get things done, I worry over them way too much, and I stress myself out. Sometimes it keeps me from doing things!!! I'm so hung up over doing them right that I'm afraid of doing them right. If something is too messy and I feel I can't do it right, I'm afraid to even start. I've even rewritten entire essays because one part didn't sound write- seriously!! Even the awards on my wall are measured to where they are evenly spaced- and they don't get moved.

I have created pictures with rulers...and hung stuff on my walls with rulers, no joke. Detail is key...
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This can apply to any of the situations- perhaps it's the cause of many of the other bad habits I have. It's not always an obsession with being perfect (although often, it is, which sometimes holds me back- if it's not going to be perfect, I feel like I can't/shouldn't do it at all), but an obsession with the details, an obsession with all the little things going on. Again, I'm paying attention to every little thing that may be a bad habit- not what I intended. I wanted to pick one or two things, and it turned into a frenzy of a billion things.

Bad habit- obsession, staying up late, details, social isolation (past and present), taking things literally, berating myself, perfectionism, excessive internet, excessive talking, not realizing when I've said too much, irrelevant talking, I'm sure there's more, but that's enough for right now.

Day 24: Small Town, Texas

Day 24: Where you live- Tell us or show us about where you live

Well, I live in Small Town, Texas, USA (because I really don't want to say which small town, more specifically than "near Fort Worth". From here on, Small Town will be ST. Just so I don't have to type it repeatedly.

Most STs in Texas are very similar. Future Farmers of America? Yeeee Haaaawwww!!! I shake my head...and walk away. I'm not the rodeo type. There is a *small* nugget of truth to the stereotype, I will admit. I do hate, though, that people generalize that every person living in ST, Texas is the stereotypical cowboy/cowgirl. Sorry to disappoint.

For example, I sort of live in between ST, Texas, and suburbia, which is nestled tightly on the edge of Fort Worth. My ZIP code lies in suburbia, my school is in ST. It's not the smallest of towns- I graduated in a mediocre sized class of just over 200 students, but it's the only high school in town. There is a grocery store, but only one. The only other place to buy stuff other than food is the filling station markets or the Dollar General. They have built a hotel since I graduated. They also have a few used car lots, a one room post office, and a bajillion gas stations. Oh, and a high school, a middle school, a 9th grade center, and a few elementary schools. They just changed the system (again)- it used to be a few elementary, an intermediate, a middle, and a high school, then a few elementary, a middle, and a high, and they just can't make up their minds!!

Suburbia is...well, suburbia! They have all the major shopping chains, and they all start within 2 miles the other direction of my house. They also have all the major restaurant chains, all the major chains of...well everything. A couple high schools in that town, several middle schools, and goodness knows how many elementary schools they have. A famous person graduated from there, not too long before we moved here. They have a hospital within a mile of my house (I can run to the emergency room...literally run!!). Quite a few people, and the roads aren't wide enough to quite accommodate the traffic yet.

Suburbia sort of runs into Fort Worth- it's a bit difficult to tell where one merges into the other (they're that close). So I can drive less than 15 minutes and be in the heart of Fort Worth, if I really want to. That is, if I really want to. The traffic on I-35W, the main interstate running north and south through the city, is typically not easy to drive, even during hours not considered rush hour. The only hours during which it's even halfway navigable is between 11pm and 4am....and I don't really want to be driving then anyway. However, if I want access to anything in a big city, Fort Worth is right there, and I can get downtown in a reasonable amount of time without excessive travel.

As far as my house, it's a cozy (not-so-little) 4 bedroom house. Since my brother used to live here with my sister and parents and I, it was the perfect number of rooms, but now we have a spare room for guests and whatnot. We have 3 baths- 1 between my room and the extra room, my sister has her own, and the master bath. There is a family and a formal living room, a family and a formal dining room, and multiple hallways leading here and there. We all have walk-in closets, and we also have a walk in pantry, almost big enough to be a room in its own right, lol. We also have a 3 car garage. I love our house. We have a front yard the size of....well, our front yard isn't much, because our lot is like a slice of pie (we live on a cul-de-sac). The back yard, though, is huuuuuuuge. I think I recall my dad saying we have one of the biggest lots in the front area of our neighborhood. We could probably fit a house back there. With our shed. We used to have a trampoline and a pool back there, but the trampoline got old and weak in the Texas sun, and the pool just....didn't go up one summer. We didn't use it after that.

So now, you know about where I live...

Huzzah!!!

Day 23: Empty Room Vlog

Day 23: Something you love to watch on youtube (or better yet a youtube video of yourself)

Maybe-a-bag-over-my-head-would-have-been-better-vlog.

Phase just-before-they-put-the-new-carpet-in. I look like a complete fool, I sound awful, and I need to shed some pounds. By the way, I don't have a Texan accent. I have lived in Texas for 17 years, almost 18, did you know that? I'm 23, almost 24. Amazing, isn't it? (I actually have no idea what accent I have, aside from American, really. Plain? Boring? Yeah, really.)

I'm typing this while I'm waiting for the video to upload from my Evo, which has a much better video quality than my webcam ever will.

I apologize for my amateur video skills, but my video ended up sideways, and I had to edit it to make it vertical. So it looks strange, but here it is. Voila!



It's amazing, I really don't say much in my vlogs, but they tend to have really good traffic. I guess people like to laugh at the way I talk? =/ OK it's a little embarrassing, after watching myself talk, and I hate it, but it's the way I talk! *sigh*

My sister has one of my favorite high school teachers. He asked her on the first day of school how I was doing, even though he didn't talk really to any of the other students, and didn't ask how she was. I love him. He's awesome. She was a little embarrassed I think. She came home and told us about it over dinner yesterday though, and laughed, so it must not have been too bad.

It's weird to watch everyone go back to school, while I'm not. It's my first semester to not go back to school. I've been busy with my room, and I need to find out what the next step to licensure is. Apparently, Google Chrome doesn't think licensure is a word, but it is. The video is only half loaded. Wow. Either I type fast or the video is downloading slowly. It could be both.

It's still heatwaving here in Texas. Like over 100 degrees Fahrenheit every day since the beginning of June or so. It's almost September. WTF Mother Nature, don't you love us? We're now #2 for the number of days above 100 degrees in a single summer, and #2 for consecutive days- would have been #1 had it not been for a single day where we got a few clouds, and only reached 97. Mother Nature teased us. Tortured us, with the thought that we'd get a nice day....WRONG. Then she laughed and gave us more hundred degree days. We're second in both categories to the year 1980. I wasn't born yet. *faint*

Pulling up the carpet has kicked up so much dust that it's bothering my eyes and making me sneeze. At least I didn't sneeze during my vlog. I would have re-recorded it though. That's how I roll. It took 3 times to get it to where I didn't have as much of a double chin. I still have one, but I guess if I have one, I have one. Blah.

I love talking to people on twitter. I'm learning so many new things. I must have a macaron. Does someone have a good recipe? Send it to me at perpetuallyashley (at) gmail (dot) com. See how I avoid spammers?

Anyone who has made it this far, hats off to ya. That means you actually read the content of a blog. Some people don't, and they are starting to wear me thin. You know, the ones that leave drive-by comments "Found you on XYZ hop, would love it if you visited my blog at [blogname]" and possibly follow you but never return? I feel cheated. If they do come back, I feel comforted, but the ones that just follow because that's what the rules say, I don't like that.

88%. Almost there. If you want to check them out, I have 2 other vlogs. They are quite a while back in my archive, but they are pretty popular too, so you may be able to find them at the bottom of my page, below all the blog hop buttons. Genius me, I forgot the screen is supposed to go across, not up and down. Murphy's Law! I have to enter that after publishing as a tag if I do, because it has an apostrophe in it. Gotta love Blogger.....

Huzzah!!

Day 22: Web Surfing

OK, let's start out with why I didn't do Day 21. Day 21 was your favorite recipe. Well, anything involving me or an oven or stove ends up being a catastrophic disaster. The last time I tried cooking mac and cheese, my dad was prepped to grab the fire extinguisher, which was safely in its box in the garage. Sadly, he was resorting to grabbing the fire extinguisher before I even had the noodles boiling. So, no recipe. Sorry to disappoint.

There was also the factor of time- I've been spending it prepping for the whole carpet fiasco. Currently, I've got all the little guts of my room cleaned up and out, just gotta get the big guts (furniture- bookshelf, empty of books, desk, with no toppings, the TV, which I dare not try to disconnect from the cable box, etc) into the garage, which I think my dad is doing probably tomorrow, rip up the carpet (probably tomorrow, replacing my bed so I can avoid 2 nights on the couch), and have it all replaced.

Day 22: What are some of your favorite websites?

I have a love/hate relationship with Blogger.  They have their glitches and flaws, but they have positive attributes too. It's a little buggy sometimes, but the interface isn't too bad. I like the widgets, the tags and scheduling of posts, being able to see different versions of stats, and I like the moderating of comments. I don't like when the whole site goes down for maintenance. I don't like when the stats are not working, and when the tags yell at me because I use an apostrophe. These don't happen often, but they do happen.

Social media sites, such as Twitter and Facebook, keeping interactions with people on the outside world, as well as being able to bring people in and broaden my knowledge base and my fan base. I can tweet and facebook with people from all over the country and around the world, and get to know people I never would have otherwise met. It's a wonderful experience. I also like Google+, Klout, Foursquare, and various other sites that I don't use as often.

I love Cracked.com and Mental Floss- Much interesting information, and many articles to get lost in- I am an information junkie! These sites feed my information sweet tooth. They also fill my time :) with much interesting (and educational, sometimes fun!) information. I also like the Cheezburger network, mainly for the puns. I'm a pun person! I like the funny and intellectual stuff =P

Google and wiki- I'm an information needy person! I have to know things. Usually I end up clicking one link, which leads to another, eventually wondering how I ended up at the place I did.

Youtube- One word- Videos!!!

OK, now that I've named most of the web, I think that's it! Time to check on the comforter (which has taken 4 hours to dry...WTF?!?! So I can go to bed (finally).

Huzzah!

Day 20: Learning through Experience

Day 20: Something You Wished You'd Forget

Well, with the memory I have, there are a lot of things I'd rather forget that I really don't forget.

There are a few things that have happened that I'd really rather forget, and etching them into a blog makes them more real, more tangible, and they'll be here to haunt me on the interwebz forever.

Working for Unidentified Food Chain, I was really unhappy, and had some really unpleasant experiences, but I worked my way through it. Working for Big Circle Box Store, I wasn't necessarily happy, but I don't think I had any experiences that I'd rather forget. My internship? The only thing I'd rather forget is the ending. In fact, I did get to share some experiences there, and it was helpful, I found. It was great. I loved the feeling.

Overall, I wouldn't say that things are bad, they really aren't all that bad at all. I've had isolated things happen that were bad enough that I'd rather forget them, such as my car accident in 2010, or some of the things that happened at Unidentified Food Chain. My first few years of college were pretty rocky, and just being myself in itself has been a rocky experience. In high school some not-so-wonderful things happened, but I was able to persevere and deal with them. Bits of my memory are littered with things I don't want to remember, as well as some I would like to remember.

I think, though, that those things that I'd rather forget have probably taught me a lot of lessons that I needed to learn. Things happen for a reason. I mean, I'd rather forget them, but concealed to most, they've taught me lessons that I wouldn't have otherwise been able to learn, or that would have otherwise been more difficult to learn. That's not to say I'm happy that horrible things happen- I'm certainly not! It's the perseverance that got me through them, and finally being able to overcome the obstacles, seeing the lessons that I've learnt from them, and realizing why I went through what I did, that makes me realize that it wasn't all just torture.

Yes, I'd like to forget a lot of things. But, in forgetting those things, I'd be forgetting a lot of life lessons, and I don't want to have to go back and learn them all again. I definitely know a lot more than I used to know, and I'm glad I know the things that I know. I'm glad to share the knowledge I have (without going too far into my experiences). It's part of what makes me who I am, and what has brought me to the point where I am in life.

Huzzah!

Day 19: It took the whole blog to figure this out

Day 19: A Talent/Hobby of Mine

Oh, does that mean I have to say I'm good at something?

OK, well, that settles it, I'm out for day 19. Unfortunately, I don't think some of my peeps or tweeps will let me do that. I'll have to come up with something. Talent. Hobby.

Well, I like artsy stuff, but I get bored of it easily, and have to come back to it repeatedly...it's not something I can do for long periods of time to keep myself entertained. As for books, I love books, and I can read for hours at a time, but again, I often switch between books, and I'll be reading 2-3 books at least at a time. Right now I'm in 2, one very boring (it's about job-hunting and resumes and whatnot) and one entertaining (Her Fearful Symmetry, Audrey Niffenegger, who also wrote The Time Traveler's Wife). I like television, but not enough to watch a whole lot of it in my room (my sister thought I had never turned my TV on- I have, I just don't watch it a lot). TV really isn't a talent or a hobby anyway. I like sleeping...is that really a talent or hobby? Besides, when I'm stressed or busy, sleep is not exactly easy...I'll sleep at strange times, and not times that I want/need to. I like writing, but I don't find that I'm really talented at it, and I find that over time, my creativity has lessened to the point that I need a little boost to find something to write about. I was interested in school, but now that I've graduated, I can't really say that school is a hobby anymore. I can't really say I was talented at it- I never made any honors once I graduated high school, no deans' lists, nothing. In fact, I got kicked out of the Honors College and lost a scholarship. Hm.

I guess what I am talented at is really putting myself up for a beating, and finding things that I'm not really talented at. I'm good at putting myself down, and finding things that are wrong with me. I really need to work on that. I'm good and finding things I need to work on, and then lamenting myself for not working on them.

Oh, and a hobby of mine I just remembered. Learning long words. I love long words.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- the fear of long words

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis- a disease of the lungs caused by breathing in the microscopic silica particles contained in the ashes of a recently erupted volcano

Antidisestablishmentarianism- everyone's favorite- against the separation of church and state (I think)

I've always been a word lover. Now that I think about it, that is sort of a hobby. When I was in high school, I nearly made it to state UIL competition- rendezvous being one of the words that held me back. I will never forget how to spell rendezvous for as long as I live. I don't remember how I misspelled it, but I will remember how to properly spell it!

I can remember when I was in elementary school being the only one to ace some of the practice spelling tests, which got me a free ride out of the Friday spelling tests at school. One that stands out to me was when I got the bonus word, chlorophyll, in the 4th grade. Another is when I got the bonus word acetylsalicylic acid (aspirin), but I don't remember what grade I was in for that one.

Of course, I don't have the challenge that comes with learning those new words now, but occasionally I'll come across a new word that interests me, and I'll learn it simply because I like it. Unless I really have a motivation, though, I really don't learn as many new words as I did in the past. Typically, it's words that really interest me or have some sort of meaning to me, or words that I find have some sort of use. Sometimes, it'll happen to be a word that I come across more than a few times and I'll just recognize it over time.

And it takes me a whole blog of thinking and challenging myself to find out that indeed, I do have a hobby, and that hobby is learning new words, although I'm not quite as talented at it as I used to be, and the lack of challenge to learn new words has led to a slower acquisition of new words. Awkward...

Huzzah!

Day 18: Wedding Talk

Day 18: Wedding Talk

Oh holy crap, what do I say?

Honestly, I've never been in a wedding. The thought of it is a bit frightening. I've never even been to a wedding that I consciously remember. I mean, as a child, I may have been to one, but I don't remember it at all....I haven't had my own, and I'm the oldest, and I was working on the day of my aunt & uncle's wedding, and on the day of my cousins' weddings...how guilty does that make me feel?

Seeing as I've had this perpetually single status (heh. Not something intentional, really), I haven't planned a wedding really either. Not even a "dream" wedding, as it's become a far off "yea, I doubt it'll ever happen" kind of thing for me....I'm closing in on 24 and never had a boyfriend (that's right...seriously...unless you count the kid that was pulling a prank and did it on a dare, just so he could prove to the other guys that he would actually do it, just to get his end of the deal, and break up with me ASAP).

So this is the closest I've come- my brother is having his wedding in April, and I am to be a bridesmaid, as well as my sister. We've looked at dresses, but we're really not supposed to discuss them yet (Does Sam read my blog? Does Sam know I have a blog?...Sam is the bride, btw). As far as anything else goes...well, none of that has been done yet. As far as wedding planning has gone, it's not very far along yet. Still early in the game.

And that is the closest I have even come to a wedding. Wedding talk? I'm scared I'm going to fall in the teensy heels she looked at, because I've never been a teensy heels type of person...and I would be the one bridesmaid that falls and lands on her face. Classic Ashley.

Huzzah!

Day 17: Being Insecure

Day 17: Your biggest insecurity & something you are proud of

My biggest insecurity...oh boy. I have a lot of...skeletons in my closet...but don't look in there, because there are no real skeletons in there (but I do have a good sized closet...wanna go hide in there and see? Just kidding ;) lol)

To be honest, I've never been happy with myself at all, and heaven only knows why. When I say that I really don't like anything about myself, people come out with compliments about how I'm smart, witty, a good writer (ha, yeah right), friendly, they can really dish it out. I might accept it, at the moment, but I never really believe it, even when I get awards. Even a university degree can't convince me that I'm intelligent- look how many other people are getting one, they even have to spread graduation over a week in winter, so that they can accommodate everyone. Insecurities? I've got a closet full of them. My looks, my intelligence, when am I going to fall apart? When am I going to lose it? Am I thin enough? Am I strong enough? I could go on all day. I don't think I can pick a "biggest" insecurity, because I'm just a very insecure person, and can always remember being insecure about something.

One thing that I'm proud of, though, is being able to work through those insecurities, though, and show that despite the fact that I am insecure, I can hold myself together and do a good job. I may not be the most confident person, but I can portray complete confidence, and do the job of a person who has the confidence that I don't. I can make it through, I can see my weaknesses, and work through them. I know what I need to do, when I need to do it, and how. It's being able to see those weaknesses and insecurities and working around them that has gotten me where I am, and for that, I am ever so grateful. Even that, I am insecure about, but I know that I do it. I can even use it as a learning experience to help other people who are insecure about themselves, to help them see that even though they have insecurities, they can still be successful and make it in life.

Huzzah!

Day 16: Dude, where's my couch?

Day 16: Who Do You Do the Most Crazy Things With OR What is the Most Crazy Thing You’ve Done?

OK, well, I wouldn't class it as THE craziest thing I've done, but it was pretty crazy, kind of a mob mentality kind of thing- that's what being in the smart kid class can do to you! Believe it or not, the nerds can be....well, pranksters =P

One of the funniest was when we were juniors in high school. Our teacher left the room for a few minutes....she trusted us, right? We were the AP class, we didn't cause much trouble. At the time, we were sort of having a war of the classrooms with the class across the hall, because they liked to cause us a lot of trouble. At the same time, our teacher was having a complex, I don't remember why, because she loved her couch.

Well, being the conniving students we were, we actually got together with the students across the hall, and convinced them to let us put the couch in their classroom one day when our teacher disappeared for long enough that we could get it out of the room and across the hall. This was not the first time we had taken something from the classroom and moved it- just the biggest!

Our teacher finally left for long enough for us to do our duty. The husky guys, which weren't many in the AP class, and a few of the gals, which included me in this case, heaved the couch across the hall, making sure that nobody was watching us in the process. It was a short hall, so we didn't have many people to watch out for anyway.

When the duty was done, we went back to the classroom and sat at our desks, pretending nothing had happened. Of course, a few of us were smiling, wondering how long it would take Ms C to notice the difference, but we had to make sure to not look suspicious when she came back. Soon enough, she did come back, and the smiles were gone.

As the minutes passed, we began to wonder if she would notice during our class period, and if not, how long the teacher across the hall would hold our couch for us...lol. Finally someone....it escapes me who...took a glance in that direction...and so did Ms. C. And she noticed the absence of her couch.

You would think we had stolen something personal and valuable, something like a ring or a computer...flames and darts from the eyes or something...something that she would never get back...but we dutifully returned it to its spot as soon as she noticed. Of course, the anger dissipated quickly, because we were one of her favorite classes (and this is not an exaggeration).

She had followed us from sophomore to junior year by traveling to Austin and taking the proper training courses to add AP classes, and she wanted to teach us as seniors as well, but felt it was proper that we have a different teacher senior year, who was just as nice and wonderful, although we never got to prank her like Ms. C. Oh, the pranks we pulled on Ms. C. (and got away with!!). I have to say, she ranks up there as one of my favorite high school teachers. The AP group...very mischievous!! Being smart only helped to fuel the mischief, as we were able to get away with so much more ;)

Crazy? Perhaps not, but this was the group that I got into the most mischief with for certain, with the band/colorguard coming in a close second (and, you know, that one time, at band camp.....)

Day 15: A Place to Call Home

Day 15: Describe your dream home or show us a picture

Well, as of yet, I haven't found my dream home

Actually, I don't really know how to define a place as "home," because no place really feels like home to me. When we first moved to the metropolitan area of Dallas-Fort Worth, I thought Killeen was "home," because it was familiar and we had lived there so long, but going back there, I don't feel comfortable at all. My birthplace, Jacksonville, Florida, isn't home. The metroplex isn't home to me. I don't feel like I belong here.

How do I perceive home? According to what I've seen in the Random House and Webster's dictionaries, and what I've experienced with others: "in a situation familiar to one; at ease."

This isn't it. I'm not at ease here, never have been, and I know my family isn't really happy with me for that. All of them adjusted much more easily to the move, and that might be because they were much more accepting of the change. I think they were all at a place in their lives where the move was less of an upheaval. In addition- I know I'll be moving again. I don't know when or where.

This is what I want. I want a space to call my own. I want it to have everything I need, of course- a fridge, a stove that I might learn to use, a sink, a bathroom, that sort of thing, and of course, an AC and heater. I want to be able to make it a living space, where I can be comfortable. If I can put a comfortable seat in there, that would be great. Since I foresee myself being single, a single seat, possible double if I ever make any friends, is all I'll ever need. A studio apartment is probably all I'll need, and I desire a loft bed, with a desk underneath. Why a loft bed, I don't know, but it's something I really want. I also want it to have a sturdy bookshelf next to the desk, and a filing sort of station, to where I can put things of importance. I'll need a place where I can put my TV and my laptop will probably be on my desk. I'll need a charging station. I'll need a closet, although I will probably need to leave behind a large portion of my clothes, and switch them out when I change sizes, which is frequently.

I think that, when I am able to sort out things the way I want them to be, and choose the way I want everything to be set up, and actually put my input into where I want to go, it'll be more of a home than where I am now. Right now, I'm in the same place I was at age 14. I had no choice- it was where my parents wanted to go, and I had to go with them. Of course, I got to choose my carpet, my wall color, and I got a walk-in closet, but none of that changes the emotional factors of moving at such an age.

Moving, however, at the age I am now, or in the near future, is a different story. It's almost expected, and it's a new stage in my life. I'm changing my future, and I'm putting what I want into my life. I'm finally exerting what I want into the place where I move. It's not whether I have a bay window in my room, which is nice, but it's where I stay, how big it is, what surrounds me, how big it is, and whether I really want to be there. It's my independence. It's me finally taking the step, rather than someone taking the step for me and forcing me to go somewhere. It will be refreshing (I hope). I don't have a picture- I don't even have a job, two of the necessities I'll need to fulfill before I can find this place of mine. I don't know how long it'll take, or if I'll be able to make it happen, but it's a strong desire.

Home? Home is a place you want to go. Home is where you feel comfortable. Home is where you can go and say "this is where I'm from." OK, so perhaps I can say Texas is home...maybe. I only say that because I don't remember living anywhere else, although I've lived several other places. Do I feel at home anywhere? Not really. Maybe over time, I'll find that niche, but until then, I'll float around, looking for it--cause

"I'm just a girl; trying to find a place in this world" -Taylor Swift

Day 14: A Land Down Under & a Blogaversary Pimp

Day 14: Somewhere I'd love to travel

One of my biggest wishes is to travel.

Now, I know that the people around me are very paranoid insecure about people traveling, especially outside the country...and I have my eyes dead set on Australia. I know, of all places in the world, that is one place I want to travel before I die. Heck, I wouldn't mind living there.

It's got so much. Not that the people in Texas aren't friendly, but the people in
Australia are really friendly. I've never met an Australian I didn't like. I've met many, many Texans I didn't like, and even many more Americans I didn't like.

One misguided assumption is that because we're American, people are out to get us/hate us/want to kill us/abduct us/torture us everywhere we go, and that we're never safe. Yes, this does happen. It's something to be careful about, and be aware of. But this should not make people put a fence around the country and refuse to leave America. It irks me when people think that America is superior to every other country in the world- we do lack a lot of things that other countries have. No, we're not a third world country, and yes, we do have a lot of advanced things, but we are not superior to everyone.

Americans have very, very flawed thinking. They tend to think their way is the only way, and anyone not following their way is stupid, ignorant, a liar, uneducated, whatever. Then they go on to berate an belittle those not of their political/social/religious views as though the other person's beliefs have no basis. Very close-minded, very wrong. It's all about perspective, and accepting other people for who they are. Americans have a problem with this.

Actually, Americans have a lot of problems right now.

But that's not the point. The point is, I think that Australia would be an amazing place to visit, I could definitely handle the climate (after all, Texas is pretty damn moody with its temperatures and weather patterns), the people there have wicked awesome accents, they're friendly, and I'm sure they have their flaws, but they are such a tight-knit country, and sometimes, America could use that.

Plus, I'd love to see if their toilets really do flush backwards =P

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Also, it's worth mentioning that one of my fellow bloggers has his blogaversary today- The Simple Dude, who pimps blogs all the time, is a year old today. Happy blogaversary, Dude. Visit him, wish him a happy blogaversary, and consider buying his book on Amazon- it's really interesting, and pretty helpful too, as well as being cheap enough to not throw you into debt. And it's about blogs!

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I'm also taking donations for anyone who would like to see me visit Australia :) just kidding (although donations would be nice, lol)

Day 13: Eye Opening

Day 13: Something or someone that has had a huge impact on my life

Without a doubt, that something would be an entity, a group of people I suppose, or I guess you could just say the profession, social work.

For a long time, I didn't know what I was doing. When I started college, and for a long time before, I had no idea where I was going with my life. I had a lot of troubles, which I really won't go into, and I kind of floated around trying to find my place. It didn't really work all that well for me, and I didn't ever find anything that really suited me that well. I wasn't happy with it, and, truth be told, a lot of things leading up to my "epiphany," if you will, probably made things worse.

In late 2006, I decided I was going to go the psychology route at the university, since that had been one of my favorite freshman classes. I had already taken a lot of the prerequisite courses, but in order to take higher level courses as a psychology major, I had to take a Research, Design, and Statistics course, part one and two. I took the first part, and kicked ass in the course, but my other courses suffered.

During the second part, in early 2007, I started having a lot of problems, and my grade reflected that. I had a (unavoidable) stint away from classes, which forced a lot of my grades down, including Research, Design, and Stats II. I never really liked the stats part anyway, but I was doing it because psychology was what I wanted.

After a rough semester, I pretty much stumbled my way to failure, and, when it all came to a close, we had to do some work to get things set straight. When I went to the academic advisor about the fall term, we had a talk about what went right and wrong, and I told her about what I liked and what I didn't. She then advised me, surprisingly, to go to the social work advisor and see if I liked the course of study there. They did a referral...what? I didn't know. I was stunned.

I did it. I took the intro course that fall, and I was stoked. I made my first A in a very long time. Things started to pick up for me. I felt a little better. I took more courses, and continued to make As in them. Not only was it giving me a higher GPA, which I so desperately needed, but it was boosting my self esteem, because I found something I was actually capable of doing well, learning, and succeeding, as well as something that would end up being my major.

I learned a lot of things about myself through social work, and a lot about coping skills, and through learning how to help other people, I also learned things I could do to help myself! *not a part of the degree plan, but definitely a positive side effect*

In the fall of 2009, I officially sent in the letter of application to declare a major in social work, and was accepted! For someone who, not too long before, had no idea where they were going, this was a huge step. Not only that, but I was making huge life changes. My attitude and functioning overall were drastically changed. People who take a look at my transcript, they can tell you that there's a major difference in my grades, a major transformation and improvement.

I look at the world differently. I look at myself differently. I have better coping, studying, self-awareness, communication, presentation, writing, and many other skills. Had it not been for social work, and that psychology advisor that told me I should check it out, I may not be finished with school yet. I may have still been fishing around. I may not have the knowledge and skills I've acquired by default from the classes I've taken. Self-regulation would be different. My attitude and communication would be different. I might not feel as capable because I wouldn't have the degree. I wouldn't have had the experience that my internship gave me, including the harsh lessons that I eventually learned...although harsh, they were, nevertheless, lessons learned.

Social work, as a whole, has had such a huge effect on my life that I just can't emphasize it enough. Even though I don't have a job, it does teach a lot of skills that can be applied anywhere, skills that you might not learn other places. The degree and the field is so versatile and has so many applications, and the scope of study so wide, that you learn so much. I love it. I hated some of the classes (note: very few, mostly those dealing with research and statistics...actually, just research and statistics), but in them, I learned a lot more than I thought I could.

Now, it will be a part of the rest of my life, as I wait for my license and a job. I want to go to grad school, too, for my masters' degree. In 2007, I never would have seen myself in graduate school. Now it's just something that I'm waiting for funds in order to achieve it. My job? It will be in social work. Yes, social work is a major part of my life.

So, has it had a huge impact on my life? Absolutely, and it will continue to do so. Thank you, social work, for showing me so many things I never knew, and for leading me through university and to a career that I'll enjoy.