Trying to Love Me

There is a blog called "We Heart Life" which is currently doing a linky for posts about why people (bloggers are the ones linking, some have asked people they know) love their body. For me it's always been a struggle to love my body or, well, anything about myself. I try and try, but it's a constant battle. I can be found in many blogs saying *something* degrading about myself.

Even for me to drudge up a picture where I'll show my face is a rough task. Even to take one is a challenge! Shot 1- double chin. Shot 2- side fat. Shot 3- hair sticking out. Shot 4- caught all the acne marks. I never seem to be happy with my appearance, even when I try. It's pushed me into tears at times- for example, over the summer when I was shopping for a swimsuit and posted the "Not A Bikini Model" post, in June. No pictures, but I know how I feel about the way I look.

Even as far as avatars go, I'm not quick to post anything more than my face, and even that is through hesitation. I do have a few pictures in my blogs from where I lost some weight and was able to fit into an older pair of jeans, "Those Jeans", back in September, but I still haven't come to terms with the way I look, as much as I try.

Here, I'll make a really big effort to point out what I love about my body.....
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still thinking....
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I like that I have small feet, because I can buy childrens' sized shoes, which are often cheaper than adult shoes (practical) or smaller adult sized shoes if I need to. I'll never have to complain about having big feet.

I like my fingernails, because they're very strong and resilient. I can't even bite them....they just don't break, there's no sense in taking too much time trying to do so, right? So I tend to have longer nails quite often, and I can paint them well so they look nice.

I like that I can grow my hair out long and cut it short and donate it within a short time period. My hair really doesn't get a lot of split ends, so that's nice. I don't like the way it's not curly or straight, but it doesn't have a pattern with which it waves, it just....does, and it won't curl or straighten....but it's still soft and nice hair.

My hair before the last 11 inch chop, April 2010

I like that I tan easily. Not that it's the best thing for my skin, but I do think I look a little bit better with a little bit of color.

That's really difficult for me to do. Come up with stuff like that. People are posting full body photos, tummies and all, and I can't post anything "full body" more than this:

and that was after I had lost some weight. Confidence lacking? Very much so.

I'm trying to learn to love myself. Not everyone can do it so easily. There's not a lot to appreciate from my body right now. It rejects medications. It gains weight for no plain reason. It has a bad thyroid. It doesn't make enough red blood cells. It just doesn't agree with me. I'm trying to learn to live with that. A few years ago I was a size 4-5. I miss that. I wish I could be that again. It's hard to love a body that keeps making itself into something you don't want to be. I'm trying, I really am.

Books over toys

Day 7: Your favorite childhood toys

I honestly don't remember having any favorite toys. I remember having barbies, but they were always put away. I remember having Polly Pockets, but they were always in my bottom desk drawer. My favorite toys were books. I loved my books. Dictionaries, encyclopedias, fiction, anything I could get my hands on.

Yes, I was a very strange child indeed.

I still am very strange. Half my moving out and moving back in when we were recarpeting involved books. I had more books than anything else. I was too ashamed to count how many boxes of books I actually had. Not to mention binders and notebooks...

I write. I read. I love words. I can't remember a time when this wasn't true. I knew how to spell hippopotamus in kindergarten. I was exempt from a spelling test in 4th grade because I was the only person in the class to spell chlorophyll correctly. I took pride in spelling acetylsalicylic acid correctly in the 6th grade, antidisestablishmentarianism in the 5th. In high school, I almost made it to state, but rendezvous kicked my butt, although I got flibbertigibbet, among other words (we didn't get those back). I've taken pride in learning hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia and pneunonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

I continue to search. My bookshelf hasn't stopped growing. My love for books hasn't, either. Even when college textbooks were abound, there was always an astray fiction book...I couldn't let go.

In that way, I'm still a child. I still play with my toys. In a way, I'm becoming more of a child, because I love stuffed animals so much more now. I'm attached to my sock monkey- he's even been featured here a few times. As for actual toys...I still haven't come up with any really. Are rollerblades toys? I went rollerblading when I was a tween, with my friend. I'd never go back there, though. Or maybe we could consider my laptop a toy.

OK, I'm sounding way too geeky now.

Deuces!!

A One Liner for Write on Wednesday

When I saw this exercise, I honestly thought I couldn't do it. Anyone who has read anything of mine knows I'm very verbose and I don't really know how to be any other way. I found it challenging, but I sat down with it, I took some time, and I figured out something that I absolutely love. It was writing this, the trouble writing this, that sparked the sentence itself, and oh, how it resounds the sentiment of coming up with the dreaded sentence!!!

The Sentence:
Whilst we spend all our time looking for inspiration and meaning in the environment for something compelling and unique, we may be surprised to find that these things are often found deep within ourselves, and it is the treasure hunt for these things which makes the journey all the more worthwhile.

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 13 - A Great One Liner...This week you need to come up with one good line to describe a part of your day. It can be 'real life' or fiction. But it must tell us 'who did what'.

Things I Know- Not Feeling Well

Another uneventful week, really. The things I write this week are completely random because...well, that's the way my life is getting. Let's get this going, because I'm starting to feel like I don't know much just writing this post.

• I know that I like new things (like my mattress and my class ring) but I know that I can't always have them
• I know that I want all the stuff cleaned out of my room so things can at least go back to semi-normal
• I know that it's not resting that is making my head hurt- it's something in my nose-sinus-whatever area. 
• I know that there will be a lot of memorials this weekend (September 11th)
• I know that some people are EFFING HYPOCRITES AND HYPOCRITES GET ON MY NERVES and I shouldn't say any more about that, although I'll probably get asked about it. >.>
• I know that I love music.
• I know that a lot of jobs are going to turn me down now because I'm "overqualified" even though I'm just one piece of paper different than I was a month ago. Whatever. 
• I know that someone will probably cow upon reading this, but I also know that I've stopped caring what certain people think about what I write here because it's my blog and I can talk about what I want to talk about.

And that's it. I'm in a bit of an ill mood, too, to go along with this, so I'm going to shut it down here. I'm also feeling sick like I should lie down, although my parents would say it just means I should go out, because you feel sick if you don't go out enough. >.> Maybe I'll feel better next week? Let's hope so...

Blogoversary- Giving Back

If you've been keeping up, you know that today, 4th September 2011, is my 1st blogoversary!!

I'm delighted (and surprised) to have made it as far as I have, with as much success as I have had, especially in the past few months. I started out my endeavor small, although I'm still really not all that big. To this day I bring in fewer than 200 people, some of them just dropping in, but as a blogoversary thing, I've checked on some stats recently:

In September of 2010, I brought in a total of 183 views, and December 187. Those were my highest traffic months, the only ones more than 80, until April 2011. Just yesterday I brought in 105, and the day before 189. My followers? Most of them have started following me since June & July. I've also set up a Facebook fan page- almost 50 likes already. I'm tickled! Numbers, numbers, that's not all that matters, though.

Before March there were absolutely no comments- content or not. I was writing simply because. I cared about my numbers, but I didn't know if people were reading. Since then, I've gotten 362 comments- yes, I've gotten some of the spammy ones, but I've gotten a lot that have content too. Some have made me laugh, some have made me cry. That people care, and leave comments with content that can evoke emotion...it's really nice.

I've also been more engaged on Twitter since my blog has been more engaged. Through my blog and through Twitter I've met more people that I never would have met otherwise- after all, they do live overseas, or out-of-state. I love having conversations with them. Some of them are the best friends I have.

But that's enough of that, right? Blogoversary- It's more of a type of birthday, but for a blog. But my blog doesn't want any type of gift...rather, it wants people to give back. Read on to see what I mean.

As part of my "blogoversary" one of the things I want to do is start a blog hop of my own. I know we all see blog hops, and one of the things about the blog hops that I see here in the US is that they tend to be "giveaway" related, or that you are "required" to visit about a billion other blogs, even those that link up after you, meaning you have to keep visiting the hop repeatedly after you link up until you've visited enough people to meet the requirement...a bit tedious? They also require that you follow the host, and the host tends to be a giveaway or coupon blogger, who only posts giveaway or coupon blogs...which clogs up the feeds...my feed has been clogged with giveaways and coupons for goodness knows how long. I attend them because I like finding new blogs. Sometimes I happen to find new blogs that I like there, by chance, so I continue to link up in hopes of finding blogs I like.

Well, it's high time I start one of my own...

Seeing as I'm all about doing things for other people, and helping people out, this is my idea-

I want you to do one good thing for someone, no matter how small- hold a door, lend a dollar, fix a meal, talk to someone who looks like they need a friend, help unpack a box, write a letter, donate some clothes that you haven't worn that are still in good condition, anything you can think of, and write about it. Each week, after you've done something little, write about it- what you did, and what came out of it- if you don't know, then write that, because sometimes you don't know- and link it up to the hop. We'll each be able to see the good things that someone else did, and even if you didn't do something, I'll encourage you to link up to a blog- because what matters is that we're making a connection. I would like everyone to do something little, and write about it, but I won't require it. I would like you to link up a blog about something small you did, but I won't require it. I will encourage you to visit someone else, but I won't require it.

In order to give people time to do something and write about it, I'll leave it open three days- American Monday to American Wedensday- that's Aussie Tuesday to Aussie Thursday- and like I said, even if you don't have a chance to do something every week, you can still link up. I will say that even doing something with or for your family members does count- spending a day out with the kids counts, for example.

The idea of this, really, is to do something that makes someone else feel good, or that helps them out. If you didn't know already, that's something that I'm really enthusiastic about. Just the effort is really important to me, because I know that not every effort is going to be successful, but trying is what really counts. I also know that not everyone has a lot of spare time to do something like this, but I would like to encourage it. Therefore, I'm not making it a requirement, just a request. I will probably debut the hop not this week, but next week- just to get some ideas and feedback on it- after all, it is a new-ish idea. I'm open to what people have to say.

I'd like this to be a way not only for people to be introduced to other people's blogs, but also for people to see what others are doing. All small things make a difference.

~"Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something." -Author Unknown
~"Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you." -Mother Teresa
~"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Mahatma Gandhi
~"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back." -Maya Angelou

Things I Know- I have a blog

Another mostly lazy week. We did move most of the stuff back into my room, except the crap I'd like to weed through first to pull out the stuff I don't need. No pictures- lots of boxes and mess. Once things are sorted...maybe. There's still a lot of work to be done

Things I know:

• When you have no timeline, you lose track of time. I wrote a calendar for September and started it on the wrong day. Seriously. *facepalm*
• My blogoversary is on Monday. Wheeee!!!!!!!!
• It takes a lot of work to move stuff back into a room...more than it does to move stuff out of a room. Especially when it's the same room. 
• People don't always respond right away. Be prepared for this. It's because people usually have lives. Unlike you, Ashley. Get a life, Ashley!
• It's not very nice to berate yourself. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. See above. 
• I like research. I don't hate research. In fact, I love research. I hate statistics. For the longest time, I thought I hated research, when really, it was the statistics part that I hated. Thank you, Dr. Bron, for helping me sort through this dilemma. Now I can actually say I love research!!! (She sorted it with me on twitter...thanks!!)
• People can care-more than you think- through a computer or phone- overseas or a few states away. The internet has broken down walls, county lines, state lines, and country borders. There are no longer the same boundaries as before- just remember to keep some boundaries. Boundaries are good, just be reasonable. 

And that's all. Being cooped up isn't really doing much for my knowledge. I don't know much more than I did last week. At least I know something....

Huzzah!!!

One Size Never Fits All

Have you ever felt pressure to conform to another person's beliefs or habits, in the blogging world, or anywhere else in life? Lately, there's been a lot of WordPress-Blogger disagreement. Those who use WordPress are insisting it's the "better" platform, but there are some diehard Blogger users (sorry, including myself) who won't switch, and it's really gotten me into this funk. I really don't like the disagreement. It's not an "I don't want to switch to WP because I want to be ugly and argue with the other side" attitude. It's an "I really think that every blogger should be able to choose their own platform, because different platforms suit different people, so this argument really shouldn't exist" type of attitude.

 Really, is there anything in this world that is truly "one size fits all"? Electronics are made differently to suit people's different wants and needs- think Apple versus Windows. How many different supermarkets are out there to fit different shopping habits, or different department stores? What about different types of food? Even hats, gloves, and socks that are made in only a small number of sizes fit their population differently. A hat that I wear will fit my sister differently than it will fit my mom. Gloves made to fit a medium sized hand will fit different medium sized hands differently.

The world is made of versatile people with different needs and wants, that's what makes us all unique! When this Blogger-WordPress argument goes down, and each person states their side, I don't even like to be involved, but being on the side under pressure to "switch", it's hard to avoid. The only reason I'm even writing this is because I've really seen enough "Switch to WordPress, I'll even show you how!" blogs, or "Blogger is better, I'll never switch!" blogs. I don't like seeing them, and the reason why is because.... 

Honestly, I think that some people are just better suited for one or the other. Some people are a better fit for WordPress, while others are a better fit for Blogger. Some people will always use Apple products, while others will completely reject the Apple platform. I'm a diehard non-Apple user, although I love Instagram, and wish they would create a non-Apple app for the Droid market. Even if they did make Apple phones for Sprint, which they don't, I still love my Evo. As long as there are multiple platforms, there will be competition, and likely arguments over which platform is better. Why are some people a better fit for Blogger or WordPress? Well, they just are. The setup, the amount of time they've been using one another, the way that the platform works, sometimes it's just easier for someone to navigate one or the other. Having actually used both, I have figured out which is the better fit for me. Inserting objects, alignment, text, setup, design, it's easier for me here. Interface is easier for me here. Some people find it easier there. That means they like it better there, and if that's what is a better fit for them, I think that is what they should use. If this is a better fit for someone, they should use it.

People have different wants and needs, and in pushing them to do something which is uncomfortable, they are totally being ignored. Stop pushing! You can still read the blog, either way, so why does it matter? I would never push a WordPress user to switch to Blogger. I like for people to use what fits. That will vary from person to person. My purpose in writing this is to say...well, one size doesn't fit all. We will never all agree on which platform is better, no matter how many blogs you write on which platform is better. We will never all use Apple or Droid, no matter how much you plug each product. We will never all eat at one restaurant, no matter how many commercials you make. We will never all fit into the same shoe, or the same dress. We're versatile people, and that's what makes the world go round, that's what makes a job market, advertising jobs, that's what makes us different.

Keep doing what you do, but most of all, keep doing what suits you, because that's what makes you who you are. I don't want to try to convince you one way or the other- after all, one size doesn't fit all. If another mold fits you better, then that's where you belong, but if this is the mold that fits you, then you should wear it proudly, without being intimidated by others who wear the other mold more comfortably. There is no "right" or "wrong" platform, and as such, there should be no pressure, from anyone to use one or the other. One size, it may fit some people, but it never fits all.

 

Attention Hoppers!! *The Drive-By Follow*

**This is a blog that will be republished every once in a while to catch the attention of people who don't seem to be catching the idea of effective following or commenting. Names and websites have been blocked to protect the commenters, although I don't think they will even read this (though they might, who knows). I will add the repost dates in a paragraph at the end.

This blog is addressed to readers of a certain type. Some of them, in fact, are not readers; in fact, some of them won't even see this, because of the drive-by manner in which they visit my blog. You see, I like blog hops. I've met some great people through blog hops, and I'm glad to have met them. There is one nasty element to them though, one that is helpful, but nasty because of some of the people that participate.

You see, most ask you to follow another member of the hop, and typically suggest you leave a comment that you are a new follower so that the person knows that you are new, and can follow you back. Some of the members have been on the hop so long that new members receive a drive-by follow request- that is, "hi, I saw you on X hop, my website is Y, please follow!! [name]. For example:

Needless to say, the most that was said about my blog was that I have a great blog! Do they know what my blog is about? Person C assumed I would follow back with a preemptive thank you, as did person A. Person B gave me the option of feeling free to stop by and they even gave me their link, name, and website! As a note, none of these people integrated code to sign their name to a comment, which can be done. I admit to having done this, rather than just leaving a link, because blogger does allow you to use the code to do so. Rather, they all left a link, which can also be found with their name by the date. IF commenting from another site, that would be different, but these all actually did have links to their website with their name, I checked.

You see, the thing is, many of these comments can be found in my history. In fact, there was one I found from the same person on separate entries...after I was already following them!!! This leads me to believe they were not paying attention to the fact that I was actually reading their blogs and leaving them *thoughtful* comments. As a follower, this was disappointing. They were also disappointing me as a follower of my blogs, because after I left them thoughtful comments, all they could leave me were identical comments asking me to follow them. Thoughtful? No, they didn't even read, it appeared, even though I read and even commented. I went back to my comments, and apparently, they don't respond to comments either.

Another person did the same. The person came back and "followed" me from two different hops and invited me to their blog, same wording, format, and even including their url, twice. Just in case I, you know, missed it. There was a reason I wasn't following- their blog is of a type in which I'm not interested and I would not regularly read it.

You see, the thing is, there is a reason I don't follow some blogs. I'm not going to follow a blog I'm not interested in for the sake of that person having a large number of followers, and never read the blog. I like to be able to read the blogs I do follow, and I don't like my reader exploding with thousands of blogs each day. There are some blogs I actually do like to read. Those are the ones I follow, and I leave comments.

This is the way that following is meant to be done. You find blogs you like, and you keep up with them. You comment, and you build rapport with the blogs you are interested in. Running around blog hops is an easy way to find blogs you are interested in, but it's also an easy way to find commenters like those above, who only visit your blog because it's new to the hop, and the hop "says so".

It's really not fair to some bloggers, because for bloggers like me, it's not purely the number of followers that we care about, but the number of engaged followers- that is, the number of followers that actually care about and read the blog, those that come back and actually follow and read the blogs, and leave comments about the content, not just the first comment because a hop says so, then just hide the subsequent posts. Sure, I like having followers, but not if they really don't follow.

How many people will actually read this blog? How many people will actually notice? How many people in my audience will actually be engaged? This is what I care about. Going from blog to blog with spam comments "I found you here, please follow me!" will only gain you a number of readers that also only care about the number, or quantity, but not the quality.

Let's do a comparison to something else here. Let's make it something great. Let's say I give you 100 pieces of chocolate. GREAT!! Right? Now let's say it's just pictures of pieces of chocolate- not real chocolate. They'll still be there, and they still look like chocolate, but they don't do anything. They just imitate chocolate. Thus, they have no quality as chocolate. Is this as enticing? Is this as fulfilling? NO! No person I know wants imitation chocolate, they want the real thing. They want quality, even if the quantity is smaller- 1 piece of chocolate is better than 100 pictures.

The same is true of followers for me. 50 true followers, who actually care about my content, is better than 100 followers who never look at my blog. True, some of them are busy- they might interact with me over other forms of media such as twitter, and when I post an interesting blog, they might link to it; that's ok too. They interact. The ones I'm talking about look once, follow, ask me to follow, then never look or interact again.

I'll admit, I'm not the best blogger out there. I'll stand up for myself, there are worse. There are also other categories, if mine isn't the type that you're into. If you don't read, then obviously, my blog is not for you. There are picture blogs. I'm not a mom, so obviously, I will not be a mommy blogger, there are craploads of those too. I'm friends with some of them. Some are not my style, some are absolutely wonderful. I'm not really much of a cook, so I won't have recipes...you can probably find a blog completely made up of recipes. There are some blogs that just do giveaways....I don't know how, but they do. If you're a super coupon person, which I'm not, you can find that somewhere too. Some people have a twitter and blog based only on coupons. I am typically not into those either. Any interest, there's probably a blog for it.

If you're not into my blog, don't follow it, drop a basic "new follower, follow me" comment, and leave forever. It's usually not in good taste, and a lot of bloggers, unless they're looking only for followers, will put them in the spam queue. I'm starting to think this is what I'll have to do. I'd really like for people to like my blog and actually follow and read it, but if your heart's not into it, and you're not going to actually read it, there's no sense in trying to make me feel good by leaving a drive-by comment. In fact, drive-by comments make me feel ignored. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

In fact, I know I'm not the only one. I ran across an article the other day like this, and if I hadn't shut my computer down for the move, so that I could have carpet in my room, I'd quote it here, but I don't have a link, and I had linked to it through another site from another site. If I do run across it again, I'll bring back the link.

Please, think of the bloggers when you're reading a blog. In fact, I'll put it more bluntly- Do it. Think of the darn blogger, and what they want, instead of just dropping by and leaving your number. I'm not here to collect websites to visit. I'm writing because I want people to read. I would not sit here and type on my blog every day for no reason. I put myself into this. It's demeaning when people come in, drop their website, and leave, expecting me to come visit them. Sorry, but it's not going to happen.

IF YOU DON'T RESPECT ME, HOW DO YOU THINK I SHOULD TREAT YOU???


Think about it.


25 August 2011,

Write on Wednesday: Pique, Pirouette

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 10 - A Gift of Serendipity... Take Felicity's Word of the Week. Write it at the top of your page. Set your timer for 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the Word of the Week. Stop writing when the buzzer rings.

Felicity's Word of the Week is...

Piqued:
A state of vexation caused by a perceived slight or indignity; a feeling of wounded pride.tr.v. piqued, piqu·ing, piques
1. To cause to feel resentment or indignation.
2. To provoke; arouse: The portrait piqued her curiosity.
3. To pride (oneself): He piqued himself on his stylish attire.

When I see the word pique, it instantly reminds me of the word pirouette, which instantly takes me back to high school, when I was on the colorguard, an integral part of the marching band during football season, and a stand-alone activity during the winter months, which quite piqued my interest ;) lol. For anyone who hasn't ever seen a colorguard performance before, I'll link a youtube video below, of an amazing colorguard which I used to watch quite often. They used to practice in our gym; a few of the members of my guard went on to perform on Ars Nova after graduating from my high school- in fact, the interior designer (you'll hear, toward the end), is one of them; one of the instructors was also one of my instructors; Ars Nova and my guard had a very close relationship. Without further adieu, here is the video (the video is from 2006 competition, winterguard, where the guard performs independently):

My life has taken such a different turn since then. I always knew I wanted to do something that would help people; that was a given. Of course, back then, I didn't know what. I can see myself as a completely different person- I certainly miss that part of my life, and I've gone back, and tried to pick colorguard back up- to no avail. A completely different character. Another chapter in my life.

As I pirouette through each chapter, I never know what is to come in the next, and I find myself looking back, remembering the last chapter, wishing I could go back and change or maybe relive certain parts of each chapter, but also remembering that if I were to change it, maybe I wouldn't be where I am now.

I must move on, continue to grow, follow my interests, allow my interests to pique in new areas, but never forgetting the old, because good memories are fulfilling. The past, the present, the future, they all come together, weaving the person that is me. I know not what is to come, but I can dream and hope, create characters and look into my future, having hopes and desires, because in order to obtain something, I have to perceive and want it first. My interest is piqued at knowing or finding out what the future has in store.

Day 15: A Place to Call Home

Day 15: Describe your dream home or show us a picture

Well, as of yet, I haven't found my dream home

Actually, I don't really know how to define a place as "home," because no place really feels like home to me. When we first moved to the metropolitan area of Dallas-Fort Worth, I thought Killeen was "home," because it was familiar and we had lived there so long, but going back there, I don't feel comfortable at all. My birthplace, Jacksonville, Florida, isn't home. The metroplex isn't home to me. I don't feel like I belong here.

How do I perceive home? According to what I've seen in the Random House and Webster's dictionaries, and what I've experienced with others: "in a situation familiar to one; at ease."

This isn't it. I'm not at ease here, never have been, and I know my family isn't really happy with me for that. All of them adjusted much more easily to the move, and that might be because they were much more accepting of the change. I think they were all at a place in their lives where the move was less of an upheaval. In addition- I know I'll be moving again. I don't know when or where.

This is what I want. I want a space to call my own. I want it to have everything I need, of course- a fridge, a stove that I might learn to use, a sink, a bathroom, that sort of thing, and of course, an AC and heater. I want to be able to make it a living space, where I can be comfortable. If I can put a comfortable seat in there, that would be great. Since I foresee myself being single, a single seat, possible double if I ever make any friends, is all I'll ever need. A studio apartment is probably all I'll need, and I desire a loft bed, with a desk underneath. Why a loft bed, I don't know, but it's something I really want. I also want it to have a sturdy bookshelf next to the desk, and a filing sort of station, to where I can put things of importance. I'll need a place where I can put my TV and my laptop will probably be on my desk. I'll need a charging station. I'll need a closet, although I will probably need to leave behind a large portion of my clothes, and switch them out when I change sizes, which is frequently.

I think that, when I am able to sort out things the way I want them to be, and choose the way I want everything to be set up, and actually put my input into where I want to go, it'll be more of a home than where I am now. Right now, I'm in the same place I was at age 14. I had no choice- it was where my parents wanted to go, and I had to go with them. Of course, I got to choose my carpet, my wall color, and I got a walk-in closet, but none of that changes the emotional factors of moving at such an age.

Moving, however, at the age I am now, or in the near future, is a different story. It's almost expected, and it's a new stage in my life. I'm changing my future, and I'm putting what I want into my life. I'm finally exerting what I want into the place where I move. It's not whether I have a bay window in my room, which is nice, but it's where I stay, how big it is, what surrounds me, how big it is, and whether I really want to be there. It's my independence. It's me finally taking the step, rather than someone taking the step for me and forcing me to go somewhere. It will be refreshing (I hope). I don't have a picture- I don't even have a job, two of the necessities I'll need to fulfill before I can find this place of mine. I don't know how long it'll take, or if I'll be able to make it happen, but it's a strong desire.

Home? Home is a place you want to go. Home is where you feel comfortable. Home is where you can go and say "this is where I'm from." OK, so perhaps I can say Texas is home...maybe. I only say that because I don't remember living anywhere else, although I've lived several other places. Do I feel at home anywhere? Not really. Maybe over time, I'll find that niche, but until then, I'll float around, looking for it--cause

"I'm just a girl; trying to find a place in this world" -Taylor Swift

Day 14: A Land Down Under & a Blogaversary Pimp

Day 14: Somewhere I'd love to travel

One of my biggest wishes is to travel.

Now, I know that the people around me are very paranoid insecure about people traveling, especially outside the country...and I have my eyes dead set on Australia. I know, of all places in the world, that is one place I want to travel before I die. Heck, I wouldn't mind living there.

It's got so much. Not that the people in Texas aren't friendly, but the people in
Australia are really friendly. I've never met an Australian I didn't like. I've met many, many Texans I didn't like, and even many more Americans I didn't like.

One misguided assumption is that because we're American, people are out to get us/hate us/want to kill us/abduct us/torture us everywhere we go, and that we're never safe. Yes, this does happen. It's something to be careful about, and be aware of. But this should not make people put a fence around the country and refuse to leave America. It irks me when people think that America is superior to every other country in the world- we do lack a lot of things that other countries have. No, we're not a third world country, and yes, we do have a lot of advanced things, but we are not superior to everyone.

Americans have very, very flawed thinking. They tend to think their way is the only way, and anyone not following their way is stupid, ignorant, a liar, uneducated, whatever. Then they go on to berate an belittle those not of their political/social/religious views as though the other person's beliefs have no basis. Very close-minded, very wrong. It's all about perspective, and accepting other people for who they are. Americans have a problem with this.

Actually, Americans have a lot of problems right now.

But that's not the point. The point is, I think that Australia would be an amazing place to visit, I could definitely handle the climate (after all, Texas is pretty damn moody with its temperatures and weather patterns), the people there have wicked awesome accents, they're friendly, and I'm sure they have their flaws, but they are such a tight-knit country, and sometimes, America could use that.

Plus, I'd love to see if their toilets really do flush backwards =P

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Also, it's worth mentioning that one of my fellow bloggers has his blogaversary today- The Simple Dude, who pimps blogs all the time, is a year old today. Happy blogaversary, Dude. Visit him, wish him a happy blogaversary, and consider buying his book on Amazon- it's really interesting, and pretty helpful too, as well as being cheap enough to not throw you into debt. And it's about blogs!

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I'm also taking donations for anyone who would like to see me visit Australia :) just kidding (although donations would be nice, lol)

Following Etiquette

The etiquette of following people...

That sounds sort of stalkerish, doesn't it? I know it does. But, lately, I don't mind people stalking me online. I kind of like it when they think I have something to say. The thing is, there is some etiquette that I think should be followed online, when following, that isn't always...followed!

1) When following someone new....look at the content of their post, and don't just say: "I followed you from here, please follow back!! That annoys the shit out of me. I'm sorry, but if you didn't read my post, are you really interested, or are you only following because you want me to come back and actually read your blog and follow you?

2) Greet the person. You can mention that you're a new follower, and, in fact, that's probably a good idea! I don't mind you mentioning that you're a new follower, as long as that's not the whole context of your comment. It helps me to figure out who is who, who says what, and where I shall be visiting next.

3) Don't visit just once to ask for a follow. If you want to follow a person, or if you start following a person, to ask for a follow-back, and you really want them to follow you back, don't just visit them once and then ignore them. Truth be told, some of the people I follow, I'm not into all their content, but I go back and comment when I find something that I like! That doesn't mean I stalk every post, because sometimes I won't like their post. If I find myself disinterested, I move on...which leads me to...

4) If you're disinterested, don't be a troll and be rude on posts! If you're going to follow someone, and you really don't like their content, you don't have to follow them. It's nice to have followers, yes, but not followers that have negative things to say about your posts. If you have some content that you like, make sure to go and read the post and comment!

5) Comment!! Comments are your friend. If you want someone to follow you back, they're more likely to do so if you leave them a comment. Sometimes, I don't know where my follows come from. I mean, they could be blog hop followers who are following me simply because the rules say to follow a blog hopper, and they could care less what I have to say, or they could be someone genuinely interested. Even short comments are good! If you say "Hey, I like what you wrote today"...that's a good comment! "Hey, I like dogs too!" is an excellent comment. If I find someone commenting regularly, I'll go check them out, even if they're not following me. Sometimes I follow them because I like their blogs, even if they're not following me.

6) Don't be rude. If there's a misspelling or a typo, see if you can find a way to send a message. I've seen comments that rudely address the blogger with a correction to the typo, with no other comment or content. If you're following me to be a grammar nazi, you're probably following the wrong blog.

7) Be friendly with the people you follow. I've found that I actually like a lot of the people I follow, and even some of the bigger names respond and follow. It makes me tickled when someone who has a bigger blog, a larger sphere of influence, and more followers than I have viewers, comes and visits my blog, comments, follows, or even just tweets me. BUT this often starts out with my action- I tweet them first, I follow them first, and I comment on their blogs. I make myself known. I'm friendly, and I pay attention.

8) Social networks are your friends. If you want people to follow you, sometimes you have to use social networks. Have few followers and want more? Put it on facebook. Afraid mom might see? There are settings to where you can block her from seeing it (and I'm serious). Twitter? Really good way to spread word. Plus, if you follow someone on twitter, they usually follow you back, out of interest, to find out who it is that's following them. Half the time, I end up getting 10 followers when I follow 2 or 3 people. I have a hard time keeping up. Once you follow people, talk to them. Tell them what's going on. Invite them to your blog, but make sure to mention their content too. Show interest (and don't fake it).

9) Blog hop following- When you follow on a blog hop....you often just read one post. BAD BAD BAD!!! Go back. Read another. Perhaps the person might write something more interesting. If something doesn't spark your interest, don't follow them just because you clicked their link, and be done with it. Find something that sparks your interest. Don't hide their blogs in your feed. If you're not going to read them, why are you following them?

10) Best of all these tips- if you're following someone, and you find them to be fantastic, spectacular, wonderful, and all of the above, share them with your friends and followers. Maybe give them a shout out in your blog. To be honest, I've had a couple shout outs (make sure you tell them they've been pimped), and it makes me feel great! Mention what the blog is about, how you found them, and why you think they should be followed. The best thing about good following is blogger love. If they see that you pimped them, they're likely to do something nice for you too. I read and reviewed a book for someone that pimped me. I write guest blogs for another person sometimes. This makes me feel good. I love it. This way, you can find out if people are actually interested, rather than just following because the rules of a hop say so.

BONUS: Participate in a blog hop!! Yes, a lot of them have rules. They want you to follow other bloggers. Thing is, many of us don't have time to surf through all the linkyers in a blog hop, and settle on the first one we click on. Bad idea! Click on more than one, and you're likely to find someone who you like following! This makes the experience better, and gives you more material that is worth being on the follow list. After all, you don't want followers that don't like you at all; I'm sure they don't either. I mean, a big follower list is great and all, but don't you actually want people reading and liking your blog? Yea. I have a page of blog hops that I participate in, and they're also all at the bottom of my page, if you want to check them all out. ;) These are the best way to get your blog out there, and find people that like it. Participating in monthly activities and prompted writing may also help, if you have trouble with content- future blogging topic. xoxo

The blogosphere is a great place to make friends and build relationships with other people who share interests like your own. Sometimes, though, people ruin it, and make it an uncomfortable place. Don't be one of those people. When you follow someone, make it worth the time. I see people all the time with thousands of followers, but very few actually engage, and it's sad! Commitment, commitment, commitment. And, of course, blogger love. Share it, spread it, love your fellow blogging associates. Most of all, be a good follower!

Day 12: Make it all right

Day 12: Something you are OCD about- Mom, dad, I know you'll see the timestamp on this, but this is a scheduled post- yes I can do this, and yes, I will show you how if I need to. I wrote it in the afternoon on the 12th.

My parents will laugh. My sister will too. They all call me a germaphobe (actually, that would be a mysophobe...but I digress).

I'm OCD about a lot of things, but not everything. I do have a way of order about a lot of things, and even in what might seem like a chaos (my room for instance), there is a way about which everything goes. I've been told I have it once, or twice, maybe a few times, but not right now. Of course, people with whom I work or study like to point it out too, and they really catch on quick, even without me saying anything.

So, I have to pick something that I'm really OCD about. Really? Let's see...how about some examples?

When I was at school, and I had to cross the road using the turning signals, I had to use an object to press the button, not once, not twice, but three times. Yes, three. I set my alarm three times every night, whether it was already set or not (although sometimes this proves to be unuseful, when my unconscious mind turns it off...or this is the only explanation I can come up with when I wake up and it's not set, since I have one that goes back to the settings after power outages).

If I can't finish a book within a few days, I have to start over. Completely. I can't put a book down and come back to it a few days later. Absolutely cannot. I also cannot start a song in the middle (so if a radio song comes on, I would prefer to go to a station that is just starting a song, and I get all jumpy if it's in the middle of a song, but I do feel a little relief if it's toward the end of a song). I try to keep my reaction to a minimum. I'm pretty good at it.

I don't sit between two people. If we're in a vehicle, I sit in the front sit or on the drivers' side, or I'm awkwardly uncomfortable. So much so as to shift and often complain and yes, get OCD about it. Again, I try not to say anything. I try to be polite.

During a shower, or when getting in my car, or brushing my teeth, or when getting dressed/ready to go somewhere, I always have to do things in the right order. Otherwise, I fret and worry the whole time that the day will be completely ruined because I did something out of order. Pitiful really, because in my rational mind, the mind that took psychology many times over, I know that won't happen, but the truth can't block out the way I feel. I also eat things in a certain order, and my foods can't touch. If they do, I eat around the places they touch.

The food thing...that's been since I was a kid. I hear tales from the parental units about how when I was younger, I would scream bloody murder if my foods touched each other, or about how they ordered a pizza, and it was square, and I refused to eat it, because it was not pizza, because it was not round.

Obsessions? I obsess about everything. My grades right now. My blog. My klout. My twitter. My clothes (believe it or not). My job (or lack thereof, for the past few years). My handwriting. I've gone back and rewritten entire assignments because I wrote one letter the wrong way. I keep things. I literally took a tape measure to my wall when we moved in to hang the plaques I got in middle school, and I would have taken a level, if we had one, but instead, I just measured the bottom of each one, and made each end equidistant from the top of the bay window. Literally.

I could go on for days. I think I'll stop. I have a lot to go on. I think I could write a book on it. For now, I think this is sufficient!

30 days- Life lessons

OK, so maybe I'm a little late in jumping on the bandwagon, but usually I am when it comes to these things. Usually, I find out when I see someone I follow participating, then I hunt down the person who is posting the prompts, and follow them. This time, it is 30 Days About Me, by A Daily Dose of Toni (I have a cousin named Toni :) lol)

So, I caught on when we got to day 5, but I didn't get a chance to post it. I'm gonna make up for lost time, and go back and post all of them (short and sweet, of course, to make it simple) up until today. August 1st doesn't have a prompt, so August 2nd is Day 1. Then I'll be caught up with the challenge. So, here goes. (I'll start with day 5, since it's most pertinent, then I'll do the backlog).

Day 5: Yay, I've made it to today, August 6 (remember, August 1 didn't have a prompt): Favourite Quote- It's a kind of long Dennis Leary quote that I included in one of my recent posts.

“Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then -- one day -- you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then -- one day -- you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe.”

Now, some might say "how pessimistic!!" but it's real life we're talking about. Things happen, good and bad. Just when you think you're up, another obstacle comes along. That's how life works. Some have it worse than others. At the time I picked the quote, I was in one of those massive stroke, left side paralyzed, limping the streets kind of modes. Now I'm regaining the power to walk and talk. I like it because it really brings out the fact that we all stumble and fall and make mistakes, but we get back up, and that's part of life. Sometimes, life does suck, but then it gets better, only to get worse, only to get better again.

You never know what's coming next, and you never know when that bus will hit. Yes, you'll die eventually, perhaps by that city bus, but you never know when or where. It's uncertainty. It's the ups and downs of life. You will face obstacles. Things will be bad at one point or another. Life is not beautiful and perfect 100% of the time. This is not me being pessimistic, but realistic.

Second quote: "Never doubt that a small group of people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has" -Margaret Mead

I see that one in the social work building every time I take the stairs on the one end of the building. Truly, every change starts with a small group of people. In our case, a small group of social workers. Together, we, as students and as licensed workers work to advocate for those who can't advocate for themselves, we go to bat for anyone and everyone that needs assistance, we will stand up for those who need a step up to get to a level playing field. An idea must start somewhere. From there, it must grow before it can change the world. No world change has just suddenly happened because of a mass global epiphany. No, it's always started with a small group of people

Last quote: "An expert in something was always at one time a beginner" -Source unknown

How true is that? Nobody walks out of their mother knowing how to walk and talk. Nobody starts college with the ability to counsel people, or to write a (powerful and effective) thesis. Nobody walks into kindergarten knowing calculus (unless they're some sort of child prodigy). People have to start somewhere. An expert had to learn to be that expert from somewhere. It didn't just fall out of the sky and hit them on the head, and it wasn't just genetically built into them. They began working on it, and they practiced, and they learnt, and they grew, and then they became an expert.

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Day 1: Favourite song- I hate playing favourites, but currently, Hot Chelle Rae's "Tonight, Tonight" is my fave. It's like...look, I've had a lot of problems, I don't know if I'm gonna do really well, but I'm gonna party hard and do the best I can, even if I have to fake it. There are other older favourites, like "Scars" by Papa Roach, because it shows raw emotion, and the line "my weakness is that I care too much" (and boy, do I care too much). There's also the All American Rejects "Move Along" with the lyrics "When all you've got to keep is strong, move along, move along like I know ya do, and even when your hope is gone move along, move along just to make it through"....heck, I know that sometimes, when hope is gone, that's hard to do. So many songs have meaningful parts that I really could write a whole post on song lyrics, and maybe one day I will. That's something to keep in mind.

Day 2: Favourite movie- do I have to pick one? I love humourous movies, I love scary movies, my favourite I guess, are ones that make you think. The most recent I liked were Insidious and Inception. I guess maybe they need to start with an I? Naw, just kidding about the last part. I'm not much of a movie buff, and I really hate picking favourites, but when it comes to movies, I either like or hate it.

Day 3: Favourite television show- hands down, Criminal Minds. I have a secret (not so much secret anymore) crush on Reid. He is so super intelligent, and up until the recent seasons, had the most awesome hair. He's everything I want. OK, after Criminal Minds comes The Big Bang Theory. Uh, more geeky people. LOL. I guess I'm attracted to them. I also like Law and Order SVU (more intelligent minds), and other shows where there are smart people. Definitely.

Day 4: Favourite Book- Dang, what's with all this favourite stuff? If I had to pick...it would be something Jodi Picoult...or "Elsewhere"....or "Her Lovely Bones"....or "Sharp Objects...or "The Time Traveller's Wife"....or "The Book Thief"...or I like too many books, lmao. I was a born reader. I've always been an avid reader, I devour books like they're food. They never last more than a day or two before I've read them cover to cover unless they're really bad writing.

And that's all I have for today (and it's a lot).

Deuces,

Dream on

Last night I had this spectacular dream, and I really wish this is the way I could go about removing everything from my room for the re-carpeting after the disaster from the hot water heater thing.

I was able to start with the non-essentials and things I rarely use, like my printer, desk, bookshelf, and TV stand, move this as well as my dresser into my brother's room in order to at least start sorting things out in my bedroom. It gave me a ton more space to work with, and I felt more confident sorting things out this way.

You know, it's very daunting when you have a ton of stuff in front of you, and you have to figure out what to do with it all, and you just end up moving it to where it looks a little neater, but it's all still there. It's to that point with me! I have all the things I want, nothing I want to get rid of, and nowhere to move anything right now, so in order to prepare for moving things out of my room for re-carpeting...I really don't have many options!

I haven't talked this idea out yet, but when I was dreaming it felt like reality, and it felt so good. I ended up sleeping later than I had planned. I still have stuff I'm unearthing that smells like sewer water now that it's been in the dark & wet for so long. I had a footboard underneath my bed that was supposed to at one point actually be attached to my bed, "we'll find the part," but that never happened. There was stuff underneath it. Just like I have sets of curtains that were to be hung in my room, "we have the pieces," and I told them I only had 90 days to make sure they were the right width; alas, more than 2 years later, they sit on my windowseat still in their package.

I want to start this process of moving things out, such as the filing cabinet, printer, desk, dresser, bookshelf, chair, some of the stuff in my windowseat (which I'm now hoping wasn't affected), my TV stand, which would leave only my bed and closet to sort through, and I feel like that might make things a bit easier. But where would we find all the boxes for this sort of stuff. And once we got sorted through all of it, where would all of it go? It could go in my brother's room temporarily, but he needs re-carpeting too, and I think they want to do it on the same day. Where to then? I wish this were a much easier process. Taking things apart, moving them around, and moving them back in. Perhaps I should downsize all the stuff I have, since I'll be moving out soon anyway, hopefully, when I get a decent job out of college. I can only hope. It's just scary though, looking at it all together, I want to look at it piece by piece, but I can't do it that way when it's like this.

That process in my dream? I can only dream. Dream on.

*groan of frustration*

Deuces,

Freedom of Expression- The Body Edition

Freedom of expression. It's a great thing, isn't it?

But where does freedom of expression stop? What pushes the limits? Depending on who you talk to, it could be anything from just one tattoo or piercing somewhere other than one in each ear for girls, anywhere for guys to you can say what you want, when you want, however the hell you want to say it.

Someone totally expressing themselves.
What does that one mean??
He doesn't even remember some of them!!
Credit

Most of us fall somewhere in that happy medium. Some will go with one or two tats and say ok, I've had enough, but there are those that really go all the way with all that stuff. I don't judge people for it- really, I don't care what people do to their bodies, that's their business!

Have they thought about what it'll look like, though, in 20 years? When their earlobes are gauged to their shoulders and their tattoos are wrinkly or misshapen from age and time itself? Have they really thought this through? Do they realize how permanent some of this stuff really is? Sometimes, they make me wonder.

Small stuff, I don't think will be affected much. I'm not bothered by other body piercings, but I know other people that are, and others that want to hear a justification for it! I don't think it needs to be justified, because it's someone's own body.

Personally, I would never get a tat that's extremely visible, unless it's like...a tat of a bracelet or something. That might be cool. Otherwise it would be so small it would hardly be noticed, but I probably won't get one at all, because I'm a wimp when it comes to pain. Other piercings? Well, seeing as I'm so fat, belly ring and other rings related to being attractive and enticing aren't really an option, and probably never will be, so I'm stuck with dealing with my face. I'm not getting a nose ring; I've got allergies and have to blow my nose too much. Eyebrow is too noticeable. Lip ring isn't attractive to me. Tongue ring is the only one I've thought about, but I already have been made fun of for the way I speak. Down to the ear. I've already got 2 piercings in each ear. I've heard the farther you go up into the cartilage, the more painful it gets. I already have to use gold posts/hoops because otherwise, they get all gooey and infected. So it looks like I'm gonna stick with what I've got.

Are piercings, though, really expression? What, exactly, is a piercing expressing, besides "hey, I can put a hole here too!"? I guess I'm probably going to be left in the dark on that one, but piercing enthusiasts will stand beside it. I can see how tattoos can be expressions, seeing as they use images, however some are just ridiculous- never get the name of a lover/boyfriend/girlfriend, because those things are meant to last a long time. Relationships...well, they don't. Not always, anyway. I don't usually see people express much through tattoo art, though, other than gang affiliations, family members, lovers, star signs, cute pictures, manly pictures, and the occasional thoughtful tattoo that stands up for something (these are rare).

Other body related freedom of expression topics-

Clothing- little girls should wear clothes. Clothes that cover them. Once they are old enough, (ie probably going to rebel), they can make the decision to be a slut be a whore wear almost no clothing themselves. Just don't do it in front of me. Please. 1) I feel insanely jealous of people who can get away with the look because I'm a hippopotamus, and 2) I really don't like to see other people's abdomens, rear ends, and cleavage all the time, because clothes are made to cover that. Speaking of- men, really, *most of* (not all of) you are not made to walk around shirtless. It's kind of gross when you do when you're not made to do so. Also, you should choose your swimsuit appropriately. I'm not saying you should be ashamed of yourself or what others think, but really, it's kind of apparent what is acceptable and not acceptable. If you step outside this, you are either trying to make a statement that will make people stare, or you really don't realize it. Be realistic. I also know that some people can't help their weight, but they can be conscious of what they wear. Again, not be ashamed of what they are, but...if they don't want people staring, they should reconsider wearing a bikini.

This woman did not reconsider
I wish I could make this image smaller.
Credit

To shave or not to shave? I say, cultural norms are probably the best bet. If you're trying to stand out, have a reason for it, other than just trying to be different. "Oh, I want to be a unique person" is not a realistic reason for a woman to not shave her armpits in America. However, having a real reason ("I never shave my legs above the knee, I guess because that's the way I learnt! You can't really see it anyway. Saves me so much when I'm shopping for razorblades!") or putting humor in it, you might be able to change the situation. Still not attractive; body hair attracts odor and bacteria. This is why shaving has become so much more common, and waxing, etc. I'm surprised more men don't start shaving, although I've started seeing more men with less hairy chests. Norms will change. People will change. Will you?

Hair- Dying: Natural colors, ok. Unnatural colors....depends on the circumstance. If you're going to a football/basketball/soccer/sports game of any type to cheer on your home team, you might put some blue or purple or green in your hair to show team spirit. Being a brunette, I'd have to bleach my hair first or find clip-ins that matched the texture of my hair (or get my hair to cooperate and be straight...). If you can pull it off short term and want to for something like that, okay. If you are dipping your hair in kool-aid because purple is cool this week, but next week you'd rather have pink....why? What the fudgecake are you expressing other than a love for koolaid in your hair? What does pink hair mean? Green? Blue? Purple?

It would all turn out totally invisible in my hair. Credit

OK, so here are my boundaries for freedom of expression as related to the body- subtle tattoos that mean something and/or piercings, but not numerous; people wearing clothes, shaving, natural hair dye, and supporting your school football team. If you want to add anything, or say anything, feel free to comment, the box is on the page.

Deuces!

The Simple Dude

The shout out is in the title, yo, but in case you don't know who he is, or haven't seen his site before, you can find Simple Dude in a Complex World here, and you can find his book here. There's even better news- the book is uber cheap- $1.99 to be exact. That means for less than $2US you can learn how to make your own blog more popular (if it isn't already)!

Credit

Now, when I started out, to be honest, I thought that none of the stuff in there would be helpful for increasing readership, to be honest. I was like, "ok, this dude started out with more readers than I have JUST started getting..." because he talks about having hundreds of readers in the beginning. So maybe my contents need some revision. You know what, though? After reading on, I realized, I'm doing this for myself....and I'm awfully wordy anyway. I always have been!

Then I got to it. The meat of it. What I was looking for. The tips. You know what? The tips he mentioned are the ones that have increased my readership five-fold in the past two months (seriously). But you know what? I'm not going to mention it. You know why? I think it's a good book, and worth the $1.99. You can read it online even! It's not something that you need to spend days or even hours reading, and seriously, the tips are helpful. I've used them. Some of them without knowing it. Some of them might be helpful to you, if you're just starting out.

What's even better is that the tips are simple. Plain and simple. What would you expect from a guy whose moniker is "The Simple Dude"? Simplicity. He puts it out there, and makes it so easy to understand. Seriously, I encourage you to get it. It's so easy to get, and it's less than a caramel mocha at Starbucks (or whatever you drink), cheaper than most of the food you buy, heck, it's cheaper than half a gallon of gas in some places, and it's almost certain to help you if you need help stepping into the blogging world.

Some of you may have tips to add for me (if you do, I don't mind, because I'm really wanting to know how to get more people here, besides being less wordy and adding lots of pictures, because I'm no artist). After all, there are some larger bloggers than me out there reading my blog (you know who you are- don't hide), and there are some smaller bloggers and/or people who don't blog at all (hi dad, Courtney- why the heck did you view my blog 12 times yesterday??, mom).

All in all, it starts out scaring you with no tips, making you think "omg, I already failed by not starting out with hundreds of readers...oh, I'm a loser, I can't draw," but then adds tips in about halfway that make you rethink your format. I could put more pictures in, such as Mona Lisa:

I'm just here because people like pictures, and I like hanging with Ashley.
Nobody owns the copyright for me except da Vinci
This photo of me was found here

I could also insert an image of Starry Night:

I have no purpose here other than I also like hanging with Ashley.
Nobody can claim my copyright other than van Gogh
Why do all these artists have 2 surnames? Ashley should also have 2 surnames.
This image was grabbed from this site.

As you can see, the pictures really lend nothing to my blog. I don't know what photos to add. I could add a photo of me, but I'd lose a lot of viewers unless I photoshopped it, and I don't have photoshop. I am unwilling to be like the chick here and completely ruin my self esteem with a deprecating answer such as the one chosen, so I will forget self-images. I will continue to write.

I have noticed that people did like the one vlog I did. That got a lot of traffic. It was also highly publicized. The other vlog flopped. Badly. Seeing as I am socially awkward, I think my days of vlogging are...very limited, unless I otherwise see a demand for them (which seems unlikely).

I try to improve, I really do. Now that I've got my hands on this book, I have more ideas [ensue evil laughter] {just kidding about the evil part. I really don't have an evil laugh}.

Now, I've really got other things on my mind, but I really promised this book review, and it's a bit later than I had planned on it being. Until the other things on my mind clear, it's gonna be rough on me, blogging and all. If you haven't read my last blog, or if you haven't talked to me especially, you don't know much about what's going on. Here's the DL

I made a mistake at my internship in a rush to get prepared to go out of town, so that I could work on my project while away. A big mistake. I didn't know it until the next day, when I was on my way out the door. I may or may not be losing my internship. I've already been told that I did something wrong, and was sobbing over the phone about it, and I know there's a meeting awaiting me when I return. I've not been able to relax, really. I've not been able to work on my project, either, since I had to clear information out. It's a big embarrassment to me, and could cost me a lot of things, including my internship, I could fail this class and have to extend my graduation by up to 2 semesters. I could lose the chance to graduate under this degree completely, and the chance to work with this degree, even if I do graduate. I could lose the chance for licensure, many things could go wrong.

I don't know exactly what will happen yet. I know the company is going to be fined and face consequences for my mistake. There are other things, minor in comparison, going on as well, but I've just not been able to bring my head to a peaceful level, where I can just enjoy the last little bit of time that I have before my other class starts. I'm too worried, too disheveled. I'm a mess. My future looks like a disaster zone right now. So, in case anyone really is wondering, or cares, that's what's going down.

Deuces

Not broken

We often associate breaking with bad things.

Breaking glass, breaking toys, breaking windows. Cars break down, computers break, phones break. People break promises, laws, fingernails, and contracts. Hearts are broken, bones are broken, laws are broken, trust is broken. Houses are broken into, and families and even lives are broken.

But is breaking always a bad thing?

We never want to break a dollar, but it gives us a lot of change for later. Records are broken, fevers are broken; people break in shoes, and people break news. People take lunch breaks, work breaks, Spring Breaks, holiday breaks, and study breaks. Day breaks and twilight (not the book) breaks. Waves break on the ocean shore, someone else breaks an awkward silence, people make breakthroughs in science, math, history, english, breakthroughs that lead us to where we are today, breakthroughs that make the world a better place in which to live.

There are things that can make or break us, but that does not mean we are broken. We are survivors, those of us who are broken, but can pick up the pieces and keep on going, those of us who know that being broken doesn't mean that things are over. We know that just because something is broken doesn't mean that nothing can be done with it. We know that there are uses for things that are not the same as they once were. So maybe something is different, but we can use it in a different way, right?

For example, perhaps we have a broken window. It will not ever be the same window again, but perhaps the glass could be used to create something beautiful, unexpected, wonderful. Our heart might be broken by the loss of a loved one, but that does not mean we cannot ever love again, we might just love differently. A car might break down and no longer be useful, but its parts go to the junkyard to be recycled; its tires may be used for one thing, its metals for another, its other materials for yet another.

Breaking doesn't always have to be a bad thing, but because of the connotation of the word, people have come to associate it with bad things. People are always afraid of breaking something, but perhaps they should take a step back and look at what they are breaking.

Now, I am not by ANY means advocating breaking the law. That is one thing that should never be broken. Laws are set into place for a reason. I'm not telling you to go out and break a bone, because that is painful. Some things really ARE bad to break.

What I'm saying is, some of the things that people consider to be completely awful might not be so bad, if shed in a different light. Not all broken things are awful. Something that is broken can be restored into something wonderful and beautiful, something perhaps treasured even more. It just takes a bit of time, patience, creativity, and realizing that breaking something is not the end of the world

Price tag

First order of business:
Heck yeah to all the page views I've gotten!! I've got all my months beat, even May, and June ain't even half over yet!! I must give thanks to Tara, the Cake Betch, from The Hot Mess Chronicles, because a whole heck of a lot of traffic has been coming here from her blog. SHOUT OUT TARA!! Damn I wish we could hang sometime, because she's awesome, too. And I want to meet her dog.

Anywho
Anyone here ever too hard on themselves?

I think we all are at one point are another, right? I mean, we expect something out of ourselves, then the words "should have" or "could have" enter our language. Those are damning words. They can really bring a person down. Whether it's kindergarten and I "should have" been able to recite the alphabet, or high school and I "should have" known the quadratic equation, (I forgot it, trust me, if you're in high school and read this, you'll never use it except when you get in college and have to take a class. Unless you go into some engineering or something, but I don't know about that, I'm "just" a social worker).

See what I did there? "Just" a social worker. Are we ever "just" anything? Do you work hard for what you do? Heck yeah! You may not be a doctorate in something, or get paid six figures, but that doesn't mean you don't work hard. Heck, you may get something more out of your job than money...maybe something like, I don't know, satisfaction. I know that what I want out of my job at the end of the day is to feel like I've helped someone feel better about themselves and their future. Who cares how much I make? (as long as it's enough to feed, clothe, and house me, of course).

How often, though, do we run ourselves through the wringer, not giving ourselves credit for what it is we do? How often do we plant a seed, water it, get a nice, lovely plant, but criticise ourselves because it's not the plant we expected (even if it turns out looking great, or even better than what we expected)? I find myself doing this all the time. So the project wasn't what you intended it to be, but it turned out stellar and everyone loved it, but you can still see the flaws. When are you gonna give yourself credit? You've worked hard for something, you deserve credit, right? It may not be what was asked for, but you still deserve credit for what you do! Hard work deserves recognition. That's why it's called labor.

I've been doing a lot of hard work lately. I've been volunteering, I've been doing my internship with the MHMR, I've been going to school, but I have yet to receive much recognition for what I'm doing. I really work my ass off, but I don't get much for it. I don't get a paycheck, and I don't get any sort of pension. You know what though? THAT'S OKAY!! After I've put in my hours, I get credit at school (oh how rewarding!) and I get the occasional feeling of having helped someone. The occasional feeling of having helped someone is what it's all about! I live for that feeling. I don't care if it takes 10 or 100 hours to get it, I want that feeling. It's like a natural high. I've cried before from the power of that feeling. It's not a monetary or physical reward, it's an intrinsic reward with enough power to keep me coming back, and enough to even make me want to keep volunteering there even after my internship is over (if they'll allow it). Seriously!

When you really appreciate what you do, and give yourself credit for the things you do, you'll start to feel so much better about the things you do, and you'll feel so much more motivated to do them. When it came to things I hated to do, I always waited until the last minute. I feel this much less with my internship; in fact, I often like to arrive as soon as I possibly can, traffic allowing. I like to be there to do things. I like to complete individual sessions. I don't mind typing up notes and putting packets together. I don't mind co-facilitating or even leading groups. I really like what I do. I enjoy it. I'm motivated. It's not something that I dread getting up in the morning to do. It doesn't take an extrinsic reward for me to know that I've done a good job.

Other things, i.e. school, volunteering, home, it takes some acknowledgement for me to feel like I've done anything that matters, and I'm really hard on myself. If I haven't done it the right way the first time, I'll do it again and again until I get it right. Sometimes, I get that way at my internship, when I know I'm doing something wrong. I have to remind myself sometimes that I'm my own worst critic. We all are, at times. We all have to push past that, and remind ourseles that we are worth much more than what we would put on a price tag for ourselves. We do so much more, and what we do is worth much more than what we think it may be worth. No more shoulds and coulds. What we do is worth much more than that We can't put a price tag on that.

Image Credit Here

"Wanna make the world dance, it ain't about the price tag"

When I grow up...

When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? Did you want to be a firefighter? A policeman? Some of us are ambitious, and want to become a prince, a princess, a president, or a leader of a country. Kids are extremely ambitious in their endeavours, and I wonder when it is that we lose our ambition and reality hits us- we're not the spectacular supermen and women that we were brought up to believe that we were, we are just average joes that will be working office jobs. Given, some of us will be those spectacular people, but most of us don't live up to those dreams. Is that sad?

Not really. I think, given the circumstances, many of us wouldn't change where we are now for anything. I know that when I was a child, I aspired to be a teacher. I wanted it more than anything. In some aspects, I will be a teacher of sorts, but not the sort I wanted to be. I wanted to be a schoolteacher. I wanted to spread the kind of knowledge you learn in a schoolroom. Now I want to be a counselor, and that's the degree I'm working on, and I'm finishing part uno of that degree. Part deux soon to come, hopefully.

How many kids, though, know of the wide variety of occupations that are available out there for them to become? How many six year olds know that you can become a neurobiologist? How many know that you can be a social worker in a hospital and help with cancer patients? They have so much that they haven't experienced in their world, they just don't know all of the things they can do with their life. It gives them such limited ambition that when they get older, and they're asked what they want to be, they're at a loss. They're given a brochure with a list of all the things they can become when they enter college, and they wonder "what the heck is that???" (I remember these days)

Why do we teach children such simplicity for so long in life? Why do we keep such wonderful jobs so obscure from them for such a long time? Why don't we have middle schoolers learning about radiology? Have we ever thought about what skilled radiologists we could have if we started their professions earlier (with simpler terminology, of course, but at least learning the basics)? I think it's just an idea to toss out there. I think, had I known the scope of social work, and had I had the experience to explore professions earlier, rather than been thrown into the mix when I entered college, I might have had a better idea what I wanted to do at a much earlier time in my life. I might not have narrowed it to social work at the time, but I might have come closer sooner. They just don't give kids this opportunity, and this is unfortunate.

Part of it might be related to America's push to "teach to the test." Every year, students are forced to reach certain "benchmarks," if you will, that show that they are learning what they are supposed to. Of course, this doesn't teach them anything about life, just that they know how to answer the questions that are going to be on some big test at the end of the year every year. Where's the room for creativity? Kids are taught to want to be some sort of heroic person, when in reality, very few of them are going to have this status, most of them will live for their families, for love, for life. They don't teach this stuff in school.

There are a lot of us that kind of think, if I had known then what I know now....

Not necessarily wanting to change what we had done, but perhaps giving ourselves some insight on what we were getting ourselves into. I wish I could go back and give myself some insight. Perhaps I would have told myself that teaching wasn't going to be my thing. Perhaps I would have told myself that I knew there was more to what I was doing. Maybe I would remind myself how much I liked helping people, and nudge myself into something along those lines. Maybe I would have graduated faster.

Then again, I'm looking back and "could have" and "might have" situations. I have to live for where I am now. No, I'm not gonna be a teacher. I'm not going to write lesson plans, and I'm not going to decorate classrooms every year. I'm not going to smell the wonderful smell of new classroom supplies every August when new kids come in, and I won't be able to lean against the board and get chalk all over my outfit (or, more recently, dry erase marker). Know what? I'm okay with that. That's not what I want anymore. Sure, it's great, but it's not what I want. I would rather work with people and have the rare satisfaction of having someone walk out of an office feeling like I truly helped them through a situation. That is the feeling I live for now. And I wouldn't trade it. I don't want or need to look back.

I still wish they'd teach kids how much opportunity is out there at their fingertips, rather than generalizing jobs to make it easier for them to choose what they want to be. Alas, this is something I can't choose. This is what they'll do. Parents and teachers alike will ask students/children if they want to be president, a firefighter, a ballerina, a doctor, but never a social worker, a marine biologist, a neurosurgeon, or anything specific. When they get to college, it is then that they will decide. Until then, we have all these little police officers running around, princesses and soldiers.

Then, there are some that end up being something that nobody wants to ever be. There are those that become homeless, impoverished, and nobody wakes up one day and says "I think I'll become a heroine addict." It's just the truth of the world, and it happens. It's extremely unfortunate, but that's the way the world works. All the dreams that children have when they are young, very few of them actually end up following the path that they dream of following. Is it because we don't give them the tools? Is it because the paths are too difficult to follow? Is it because they are too general?

How many licks to the center of a tootsie roll pop? The world may never know....