Things I know- Reemployed

This is a new, different things I know. One that I haven't been able to write since the inception of my blog last summer. This things I know stems from the fact that I now have a job again.....

• The interview is the most anxiety-ridden part of the job....the job will be stressful because it's the holiday season
• My background check will be clean.
• Working retail wasn't my first choice, but I can make it work
• It'll take away from what I do outside of work
• It'll be nice to finally have a paycheck again, and hopefully this will be the beginning of steady employment again for me

Anticipation and Anxiety

When it came time for me to come back from my bloggy break, I was anxious. I had a lot of anticipation. would I have a lot of new ideas? Would I have a lot to post? Would it be easy to jump back in? Would it be difficult?

Anxiety is something I experience often. When I planned my comeback, I had no anticipation that I would have a job interview...or a second interview...or a job. I knew my parents' anniversary was the first, and after that, I planned to start blogging again. Now I'm gripped with fear- what if I can't keep up again? It's been so long, I'm out of the habit, what will happen?

Plus I'm preparing in anticipation for my impending graduation, a little over a month away. Thanksgiving is approaching in the states, which is a bit of a thing to anticipate because there's always a family hooplah. My birthday is soon after, which has become less exciting. Black Friday is also soon after, which had less significance until my recent acquisition of a job.

Then there's December. My grandparents may be coming down from St. Louis for the event. I've been anticipating it...well, since the day I found out I was getting that piece of paper! Then there's the holiday season, which, of course, will now include retail working hours. There's also the fact that I've been anticipating the licensing exam for social work, which I needed the money to pay for (and will now have, with a job), which I will have to study for. That alone can cause a lot of anxiety!

Of course, it was already going to be an anxious season because of the number of events coming up, but now there's a lot of work tied to it with a retail job, and a lot of cleaning to be done! Anticipation is a good thing, but when you start adding more responsibilities and events, I become more anxious and awkward. Here's to hoping that I have enough time to sort through everything, and continue blogging too!

Coming back...with good news! Huzzah!!

I'm starting my blogging comeback with some excellent news. I just got back from a second job interview today- excellent news is that they've hired me, and for the first time in a few weeks shy of two years, I'll finally have paid employment! It's not the most exciting position, and definitely not lying within the realm of my degree, but it'll help me get there in the long run. I'm a bit nervous and excited all at the same time. They have to run a background check and they'll call me back when everything is set for me to go. How is that for a blogging comeback, aye?

Halloween was a mess! Our neighborhood is normally busy- this year abnormally, as we gave candy to more than 800 trick-or-treaters, and then we ran out of candy, while the streets were still swamped. This means there were often lines down the driveway, as I've seen how busy it can get, and I'm sure many of them weren't actually kids.

Usually, we set up a table outside, because there are so many that we don't even have time to shut the door in between trick-or-treaters because there are so many! This time, even after shutting our lights and bringing our table inside, our doorbell was ringing, but we didn't have the candy to hand out....

Yesterday was my parents' anniversary and we had Olive Garden for dinner. It was excellent. As we were driving home, I my mom asked if I had gotten a call about a second interview yet, which I hadn't, and reminded me to call them. Within 10-15 minutes, my phone was ringing, asking if I wanted to come in for a second interview. I was ready! Now I will finally have an income for the first time in ages, and it seems almost unrealistic!

It's a retail holiday position. Seeing as I've worked at a holiday retailer before, I know the demands of the job and whatnot, so I don't think there are too many surprises in store for me there. They say part time, but that if I work extra shifts, which I am often willing to do, I could end up getting enough hours for full time.

In the next few posts there might be some retrospective posts to October, the month of little blogging. I'm still a bit stuffy and whatnot from allergies from time to time, but it's less than it was before, which is good. It's good to be back.

Huzzah!!!

Day 17: Being Insecure

Day 17: Your biggest insecurity & something you are proud of

My biggest insecurity...oh boy. I have a lot of...skeletons in my closet...but don't look in there, because there are no real skeletons in there (but I do have a good sized closet...wanna go hide in there and see? Just kidding ;) lol)

To be honest, I've never been happy with myself at all, and heaven only knows why. When I say that I really don't like anything about myself, people come out with compliments about how I'm smart, witty, a good writer (ha, yeah right), friendly, they can really dish it out. I might accept it, at the moment, but I never really believe it, even when I get awards. Even a university degree can't convince me that I'm intelligent- look how many other people are getting one, they even have to spread graduation over a week in winter, so that they can accommodate everyone. Insecurities? I've got a closet full of them. My looks, my intelligence, when am I going to fall apart? When am I going to lose it? Am I thin enough? Am I strong enough? I could go on all day. I don't think I can pick a "biggest" insecurity, because I'm just a very insecure person, and can always remember being insecure about something.

One thing that I'm proud of, though, is being able to work through those insecurities, though, and show that despite the fact that I am insecure, I can hold myself together and do a good job. I may not be the most confident person, but I can portray complete confidence, and do the job of a person who has the confidence that I don't. I can make it through, I can see my weaknesses, and work through them. I know what I need to do, when I need to do it, and how. It's being able to see those weaknesses and insecurities and working around them that has gotten me where I am, and for that, I am ever so grateful. Even that, I am insecure about, but I know that I do it. I can even use it as a learning experience to help other people who are insecure about themselves, to help them see that even though they have insecurities, they can still be successful and make it in life.

Huzzah!

Wordless Wednesday

Is never completely wordless...

On TV, sock monkey can drive. I made my dad rewind the DVR so I could take pictures of sock monkey driving. Surfing too.

This is not from TV, or sock monkey's car, this is a reading from a vehicle in Texas. A sign that we need winter (or something other than summer)...for those reading Celsius, that's 49.4C. No joke.

Day before my final final (which I rocked- 95%!! I got an A in psychology...HUZZAH!)...Above my shoulder, the shelf that recently attacked me.

Picture from yesteryear. Graduation 2005 (High school)

Inspiration

Beautiful Butterfly I have hanging on my wall. Originally an ornament, but bigger than my mini-tree.

This is how I got through to where I am today. Perseverance...and there certainly is a lot of glory in overcoming great obstacles. You better believe it.

Day 15: A Place to Call Home

Day 15: Describe your dream home or show us a picture

Well, as of yet, I haven't found my dream home

Actually, I don't really know how to define a place as "home," because no place really feels like home to me. When we first moved to the metropolitan area of Dallas-Fort Worth, I thought Killeen was "home," because it was familiar and we had lived there so long, but going back there, I don't feel comfortable at all. My birthplace, Jacksonville, Florida, isn't home. The metroplex isn't home to me. I don't feel like I belong here.

How do I perceive home? According to what I've seen in the Random House and Webster's dictionaries, and what I've experienced with others: "in a situation familiar to one; at ease."

This isn't it. I'm not at ease here, never have been, and I know my family isn't really happy with me for that. All of them adjusted much more easily to the move, and that might be because they were much more accepting of the change. I think they were all at a place in their lives where the move was less of an upheaval. In addition- I know I'll be moving again. I don't know when or where.

This is what I want. I want a space to call my own. I want it to have everything I need, of course- a fridge, a stove that I might learn to use, a sink, a bathroom, that sort of thing, and of course, an AC and heater. I want to be able to make it a living space, where I can be comfortable. If I can put a comfortable seat in there, that would be great. Since I foresee myself being single, a single seat, possible double if I ever make any friends, is all I'll ever need. A studio apartment is probably all I'll need, and I desire a loft bed, with a desk underneath. Why a loft bed, I don't know, but it's something I really want. I also want it to have a sturdy bookshelf next to the desk, and a filing sort of station, to where I can put things of importance. I'll need a place where I can put my TV and my laptop will probably be on my desk. I'll need a charging station. I'll need a closet, although I will probably need to leave behind a large portion of my clothes, and switch them out when I change sizes, which is frequently.

I think that, when I am able to sort out things the way I want them to be, and choose the way I want everything to be set up, and actually put my input into where I want to go, it'll be more of a home than where I am now. Right now, I'm in the same place I was at age 14. I had no choice- it was where my parents wanted to go, and I had to go with them. Of course, I got to choose my carpet, my wall color, and I got a walk-in closet, but none of that changes the emotional factors of moving at such an age.

Moving, however, at the age I am now, or in the near future, is a different story. It's almost expected, and it's a new stage in my life. I'm changing my future, and I'm putting what I want into my life. I'm finally exerting what I want into the place where I move. It's not whether I have a bay window in my room, which is nice, but it's where I stay, how big it is, what surrounds me, how big it is, and whether I really want to be there. It's my independence. It's me finally taking the step, rather than someone taking the step for me and forcing me to go somewhere. It will be refreshing (I hope). I don't have a picture- I don't even have a job, two of the necessities I'll need to fulfill before I can find this place of mine. I don't know how long it'll take, or if I'll be able to make it happen, but it's a strong desire.

Home? Home is a place you want to go. Home is where you feel comfortable. Home is where you can go and say "this is where I'm from." OK, so perhaps I can say Texas is home...maybe. I only say that because I don't remember living anywhere else, although I've lived several other places. Do I feel at home anywhere? Not really. Maybe over time, I'll find that niche, but until then, I'll float around, looking for it--cause

"I'm just a girl; trying to find a place in this world" -Taylor Swift

Weight Loss

I've been desperate to lose weight for quite some time. It's actually been up and down for a while for me, and now it's up higher than it's ever been, which is very depressing for me. I've heard that I don't look what I weigh, and while that's sometimes encouraging, it's also depressing that the numbers on the scale are so high.

When I was young, I was fairly thin. I started to fill out in middle-high school, where I went straight from childrens' sizes to adult size 7-9s. I wasn't too happy with my size in middle or high school, but I never let on about it, because I didn't want the ridicule of "oh, you're perfectly fine, there's nothing wrong with you" when I knew, in my mind, that I was overweight. I gradually gained weight through high school, but it was so gradual that by graduation I was only an 11-13. Not too bad.

I started working after high school, and, working at the fast food chain I worked at, you'd think I'd gain a ton of weight. I thought I'd gain a ton of weight, especially since I had all access to fried food (for free), as well as constant access to fountain drinks. Mountain Dew was my best friend. Another factor- the freshman 15. I was starting my freshman year of college. Add that all up- freshman year of college, constant fried food diet, and liters of Mountain Dew daily- how the heck did I manage to lose enough to be in a size 9 by the time I left that job? Eating disorder. One that I had for a while, but kept secret, and it didn't become severe until I was away from home for more than just the school day.

I left that job for a big box retailer, and continued to shed pounds. When I graduated high school, I weighed 170lb (~77kg). After approximately 2 years, by the end of 2006, I was down to 125lb (~56.5kg). That's a significant loss. Thing is, even after I changed my ways, I kept the weight off for a while. That is, until mid-2008. Suddenly, I started gaining massive amounts of weight because of a medication, and I knew what and why, and immediately stopped it, but the damage was already done, and I had gained back most of what I had lost.

It was difficult for me, to have gone from being larger, to being a size that I was not ashamed of, then to balloon back to a size I was ashamed of within a matter of 2 months. After that, I continued to gain weight at a steady rate, and no amount of [anything I did] stopped or reversed the weight gain.

At 225lb (~102kg), I knew I had to do something. My doctor knew. I kept talking about it. I still keep talking about it. It seems, though, like every time I get active, I hurt myself. Heck, I was stepping off a curb the other day and faceplanted in the street. In front of a lot of people. Not pleasant. When I tried to stand up, my heavy bag pushed me down into another faceplant. I couldn't get up. It took another person helping me up. My legs are now in pain, lots of pain, my knees and ankles too. Both sides felt it.

I'm on a tablet that's supposed to have a side effect of weight loss. It's curbed the weight gain, but no loss yet. I'm trying to exercise when I can, at least some yoga, and I try to run from class to my car (where there are no curbs, that is), and vice-versa. I take the stairs. I try to eat healthy, although when there are unhealthy foods around, I do get tempted, and sometimes give in.

I'm starting to feel like it's a lost cause. Many of my family members are obese. My sister isn't, but she thinks she probably will be. She's more accepting of it...but she's not there yet. I don't want to be here...I had a taste of being not obese, and it felt nice, and I want it back. I want to be able to find clothes in my size again. I want to be able to go out and not feel like I'm being stared at because I'm overweight. I'd like to be able to eat the things I like, but I know that's not possible.

What I'd like, most of all, though, is to be proud of, and to accept, who I am. That is something that I really would like to get out of my life. Why is that such a difficult concept for me to grasp? Why must it be so difficult for me to just get it and move on? Why must I focus and obsess over it so much?

Whatever this is, it's not healthy, and I don't see any good coming out of it. I just wish I could be the thinner person I used to be again, What am I thinking? That's not likely to happen. Such is life....

Particularly Picky

We all know that one person, the one that drives us completely nuts when we go out to eat because they take half the meal scouting the menu for something they will willingly eat, and they have a hard time simply selecting a drink.

When their salad arrives, they pick it apart ever so carefully, and they throw half of it aside, giving croutons, carrots, purple cabbage, and anything else they might not like to others at the table, and end up with a minimalist salad, by which time the meal has already arrived. They inspect the food and pull out anything that looks suspiciously undesirable (again) and put it on the plate of someone else, and slowly eat, hoping not to find something dreadful on their plate. By the time they've gotten halfway through, everyone else is finished.

These are also the type of people you know that you want to avoid taking to certain restaurants because they moan the whole time about how they don't want to be there. Chinese, seafood, mexican, you can pretty much opt them out. Of course, ask first, because they might eat something at Red Lobster or Taco Bell.

I'm that picky person.

How badly do you want to slap me now?

I make meals difficult for everyone, but not intentionally. I've always had this sort of trend toward pickiness. I've heard stories. When I was very young, my parents ordered a pizza, but it came square, instead of round, and I flat out refused to eat it because it was not a pizza. Clearly, I misunderstood the concept that food could come in different shapes at the time, but the point is, I was picky enough to completely dismiss the option of even trying it.

I've also heard that I used to scream bloody murder when foods on my plate touched each other. I can see that happening, because I still have this urge to scream when foods touch. I don't like it very much. I avoid it at all costs. Divided plates are my friends. In some cases, it's ok, if the foods go together well, but in most cases, each food has its place on my place and is not to stray from that place, even if it has liquid/sauce (ie green beans or something).

I dissect my salads at every restaurant I go to like a biologist would dissect an animal. Other family members get whatever pieces of salad they want. I usually end up with food left over. I do usually take longer than everyone else to eat because of my eating habits.

Even I find my eating habits particularly annoying. I find myself so hard to shop for! I'll eat rice, but other Asian foods are out of the question. I'll eat very, very, very mild Mexican food, but that's rare. Mexicans like their spicy stuff. I also don't like their desserts. I don't like seafood except shrimp. I don't like buffets. I mean....the food sits out in the open, and many people, most of whom don't know each other, dig into the same pile of food. I don't like a lot of things. I'm difficult.

As far as drinking habits go, I only like mixed drinks and girly drinks, so far as I've found. Smirnoff and Bacardi are okay. For regular, non-alcoholic drinks, I have a limited variety that I will choose from. No Coke, Pepsi, Root Beer, Dr. Pepper, Big Red, or many of the popular sodas. I don't like energy drinks. Not a big fan of Life Water or Sobe. You can probably see where this is going.

I'm just to darn picky.

So when did you want to go out for dinner?

Dream on

Last night I had this spectacular dream, and I really wish this is the way I could go about removing everything from my room for the re-carpeting after the disaster from the hot water heater thing.

I was able to start with the non-essentials and things I rarely use, like my printer, desk, bookshelf, and TV stand, move this as well as my dresser into my brother's room in order to at least start sorting things out in my bedroom. It gave me a ton more space to work with, and I felt more confident sorting things out this way.

You know, it's very daunting when you have a ton of stuff in front of you, and you have to figure out what to do with it all, and you just end up moving it to where it looks a little neater, but it's all still there. It's to that point with me! I have all the things I want, nothing I want to get rid of, and nowhere to move anything right now, so in order to prepare for moving things out of my room for re-carpeting...I really don't have many options!

I haven't talked this idea out yet, but when I was dreaming it felt like reality, and it felt so good. I ended up sleeping later than I had planned. I still have stuff I'm unearthing that smells like sewer water now that it's been in the dark & wet for so long. I had a footboard underneath my bed that was supposed to at one point actually be attached to my bed, "we'll find the part," but that never happened. There was stuff underneath it. Just like I have sets of curtains that were to be hung in my room, "we have the pieces," and I told them I only had 90 days to make sure they were the right width; alas, more than 2 years later, they sit on my windowseat still in their package.

I want to start this process of moving things out, such as the filing cabinet, printer, desk, dresser, bookshelf, chair, some of the stuff in my windowseat (which I'm now hoping wasn't affected), my TV stand, which would leave only my bed and closet to sort through, and I feel like that might make things a bit easier. But where would we find all the boxes for this sort of stuff. And once we got sorted through all of it, where would all of it go? It could go in my brother's room temporarily, but he needs re-carpeting too, and I think they want to do it on the same day. Where to then? I wish this were a much easier process. Taking things apart, moving them around, and moving them back in. Perhaps I should downsize all the stuff I have, since I'll be moving out soon anyway, hopefully, when I get a decent job out of college. I can only hope. It's just scary though, looking at it all together, I want to look at it piece by piece, but I can't do it that way when it's like this.

That process in my dream? I can only dream. Dream on.

*groan of frustration*

Deuces,

Sixty-seventh Street

Life is a little bit different for everyone. Most of us agree that life sucks at one time or another. We've all heard the "life sucks, then you die" quote about a billion times. I like this one better, because it seems more parallel to my life. Not because I've had cancer or anything like that, but because I have pretty crappy luck compared to most people I know.

I mean, I came back from "vacation" to a room that had been flooded from the hot water heater flooding the house; I was the only one that sustained any real property damage. I got fired from my internship the day we got back. I'm short on medication because the insurance company wouldn't approve it before we left, so I had to wait until we got back....but my car was in the shop for an oil change and some funny noises, and my pharmacy is 30 miles away. Not that any (of the same price echelon) are closer. So I have to wait til tomorrow. My field instructor at the time, the one that fired me, wanted me to see a therapist, who is also quite far away. I was not about to ask for favors. I just wanted to go home and climb under a blanket.

So, it's not "life sucks, then you die." No, it goes much further than that (except I've never had cancer or been married....ok, my hardships are different, but the precedent is similar)

“Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then -- one day -- you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then -- one day -- you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe.”

-Dennis Leary

So there's a thought for you to chew on today. I'm not saying by any means that my life is awful and that nobody else has it worse, because there are plenty out there that have it worse, but right now, I think I need to complain. Things aren't exactly going smoothly, you know? Perhaps my "cancer" will go into remission soon, but I'm not taking any bets. I don't really want a new dog, and I don't want to get remarried. I'd pay the medical bills if I could get a decent job, or even get a job in the first place.

I need to watch out for those curbs, too. I've stepped off a curb and into the street, only to fall flat on the face, and not catch myself until after the light turned green. Then I could have been roadkill. Ouch. Let's just hope things get better *at least temporarily* from here. After all, this guy said things got at least a bit better for a while. Let's hope that happens, k? My carpet will turn out ok, I'll find another great internship, I'll do well in my classes, finish in August, and we can pretend none of this ever happened. Yea, that'll be good. Yes? I think so.

Deuces, yo.

Flags and Fireworks

This is going to be more of a story type blog- I've had a busy time, and not much time to think of anything creative!

As the majority of you know, I'm sure (and if you don't, you probably have never heard of the US), yesterday (as of the minute I am typing this) was Independence Day in America. Of course, for the ladies that means dressing up in a lot of red, white, and blue and talking with other ladies, and for the guys, it means barbecuing and blowing a lot of things up (I have this confirmed with several sources). We, of course, forget the true meaning, the founding of our country. Ironic, though, that the Declaration of Independence wasn't fully signed on July 4th- some of you might not know this- just some of the signatures went on paper that day. I'm not sure of the exact date without looking it up, but signatures stretched beyond at least September that year, 1776 (how many knew the year?), and the date July 4th was chosen because this was the day that Congress is said to have approved the adoption of the Declaration.

Well, we have been in the St. Louis area this week visiting relatives, and we had a fireworks show of our own- low maintenance, probably expensive; my uncle bought the fireworks, neighbors of his bought some too. We all went into the cul-de-sac and shot off the fireworks, and it was nice. The kids lit the smaller stuff in the early evening (dare I say twilight, or the Twilight fans might start creeping my blog), and all the larger fireworks started when darkness finally fell.

The street was littered with cones and boxes of various fireworks that had been used, and my brother, sister, cousin, and cousin's neighbors had shot off some Roman candles, which were off in a bucket. Every direction you turned, you could see fireworks lighting up the night sky, almost like lightning, but much more exciting (and less scary). By the time we were done, the weather reports read that it was foggy (I think, in fact, it was smoky), and all the grand finales were showing. When we got back to my grandparents' house, we watched the coverage of the show at the Gateway Arch over the Mississippi, in Downtown St. Louis. I was proud of myself for lighting off Roman candles (and not being afraid of singeing off the ends of my hair....), but a little disappointed, because my sparklers when I was little were never that pretty! Mine were little metal sticks with sparkly grey matter at the end that sparked when you lit it. No shiny pretty wrappers!! Oh well.

I came to the house last night and finished my paper. It was rough, but I finally finished it. I'm still concerned about my internship, but I'm trying to keep my mind off it right now, because there's not much I can do from here, right?

So we went to Six Flags today. Funny that the origin of Six Flags is in Texas, and has to do with the six flags that have governed Texas, one of them being Texas' own independent flag! (The others being France, Spain, Mexico, Confederate States of America, and United States of America, in no particular order...yea, it interests me lol).

Six Flags was fun. I go there for the coasters, of course. We rode every one there....as well as the Ferris wheel. My brother was going to try to scare the crap out of me by getting me to do the bungee jump thing, but didn't (thank goodness). It was a good way to take my mind off things for a while and just wander around in the sun. It's funny, though, all the rides in Texas seem bigger. Oh yea, everything is bigger in Texas!!!

No, really.

Their wooden coaster could use some improvements, and ain't got crap on the Texas Giant, especially since they built the Giant to be smoother with the metal tracking and all. I can't compare the Tony Hawk because it had some weird, un-epic name here. The Batman? The decor outside sucked, and the guy behind the ride was an asshole. At least the people in Texas are friendly. The Batman also seems longer in Texas, and that's probably because they take you through the ride again....backwards. The Mr. Freeze? Too short. They were only running one side. In comparison, though, they were about the same. Tower of Power? They only have one tower here, and they only drop you once. Texas gives you much more suspense.

EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN TEXAS!!
Except the fireworks shows.....sorry Texan readers. I saw some great fireworks. The burn bans are bigger, I guess you could say?

Well, that's all I got to say. Nothing insightful today. Well, I do have something insightful, come to think of it, but I'll save it for its own blog.

Deuces!

Needs Improvement

EDIT: I said I would have a book review in this post. It WILL be in a post soon, I swear. I completely forgot until after this was posted, and now I don't have time to write it because now I have to get back to my paper.

If I were to write a progress report for July so far, I would write a failing grade. U for unsatisfactory. F for failing. GTFO. Needs much, much improvement. Who approved this?

The search I did for stuff for my assignment? I can't use what I found. I had to delete it all. There would have been repercussions if I hadn't. Now I'm out of state and can't access it. The most I can say is that it really sucks, and that I don't have any way to explain it to my professor other than "oops, I screwed up, and now I have nothing to show for it." Now we're in Missouri, and I have no access to the intranet at my agency. I have no way to *successfully* complete this assignment when I'm out of state and have no access to this empirical data. Fail.

Less than 12 hours after we leave, we get a call from our neighbor that there is water streaming out our garage down the driveway. We ask him to shut our water off, and my brother's girlfriend to drop by and tell us what's going on within. Come to find out, half the house is damaged.

Of course, the half the house that all my stuff is on. Always. The air conditioner that went out last month? Same half. The part of the carpet that was soaked because the ice maker broke? Same half. Now that half of the house is (from what we know) flooded. I honestly don't know what was on the floor, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not gonna be too happy when we return.

It's July 2nd. I didn't even get out of bed yesterday because....dammit, I didn't even feel like it. The whole day just friggen sucked. My grandparents had company today, so I went up and saw them. Lots of people, I got to hold a baby. I have now officially decided that I am not mommy material. I can look at them, and hold them, but once they let out a cry, it's all back to the mum. I'll pass my prime and then I'll have a really good excuse.

I've seen a few people that I haven't seen in years. Uncles, cousins, etc. Ate some. Wrote some on my paper. This is a break on writing my paper. I'm writing on my break from writing. >.< haha. I was gonna put some pics on facebook but I really don't feel like it right now.

It's funny, these people in Missouri saying it's hot out, and I go outside and I'm like "oh, it's so nice!"
They give me dirty looks
I can't help it, it's so much nicer than Texas.
But, they get ripped off at QT, because their drinks are 69 cents instead of 59. But I digress.
Here's to hoping the rest of July is better than the first two days have been. If the rest isn't better...this month is going to be hell.

Deuces, yo

Work it off

There are some days where you just don't have time in your schedule to do anything. I've been having them lately. You know, the ones where if you don't schedule a bathroom break or a minute to take a drink, you don't get one? Yea, that's what things have been like.

June calendar in Outlook- programmed too only show 3 things a day, otherwise you'd be stunned.

Don't get me wrong, I like to be busy and have things to do, but when things get too busy, sometimes things get neglected. Yesterday I realized at midnight that I hadn't eaten. Midnight. Whoops. When was my last written blog? Oh yea, I have a blog. Sorry to those of you whom I've neglected, I have a mini-weekend coming up soon (by mini-weekend, I mean I'll be writing a couple papers on Sunday, and I might have time to glance at the computer).

My project Tuesday went alright I suppose. Did you know I had a project Tuesday? You might or might not have. I don't know, because I don't know if I have written about it, because I've been so busy. The presentation was the most difficult part. I'm not all that great at communicating with people, especially when it's a lot of people. Especially when all their eyes are on me. I started crying. I have horrible presentation skills. Yes, last semester of college and I still cry during presentations. It was just a little. Don't hate.

This actually took a lot of time because it had to be perfect. Finished project.

I'm wearing my favorite shirt today. it's really shiny, and every time I wear it, people are like "woah, your shirt is really...........then they trail off. I fill in the blank and say "bright? shiny? I get it all the time dude. No big deal." They get embarrassed. It's funny, but it is my favorite shirt for other reasons, mainly because I actually like it. Yea, I actually like it.

Yes, I need to lose weight, I'm sorry.

Anyway, so I've been basically working my ass off for my internship because I need to have a lot of hours done before we hop, skip, and jump to St. Louis for a week, because when we come back, I have another class that I start, and my hours will be significantly cut. I've had someone also suggest an idea that might get me a job, but I don't know if I'll have the time for it. I don't know if the opening will be available after summer. I don't know what I'll be able to do yet. But, for right now, I'm working for free six days a week to get most of my hours done so that I'm not quite as stressed out when the last 5 weeks comes.

After that, I'll be ready to graduate. Ready to grab that degree and run like the wind. I will be so done. SO done. YAY!!! =D

Deuces, yo

Not broken

We often associate breaking with bad things.

Breaking glass, breaking toys, breaking windows. Cars break down, computers break, phones break. People break promises, laws, fingernails, and contracts. Hearts are broken, bones are broken, laws are broken, trust is broken. Houses are broken into, and families and even lives are broken.

But is breaking always a bad thing?

We never want to break a dollar, but it gives us a lot of change for later. Records are broken, fevers are broken; people break in shoes, and people break news. People take lunch breaks, work breaks, Spring Breaks, holiday breaks, and study breaks. Day breaks and twilight (not the book) breaks. Waves break on the ocean shore, someone else breaks an awkward silence, people make breakthroughs in science, math, history, english, breakthroughs that lead us to where we are today, breakthroughs that make the world a better place in which to live.

There are things that can make or break us, but that does not mean we are broken. We are survivors, those of us who are broken, but can pick up the pieces and keep on going, those of us who know that being broken doesn't mean that things are over. We know that just because something is broken doesn't mean that nothing can be done with it. We know that there are uses for things that are not the same as they once were. So maybe something is different, but we can use it in a different way, right?

For example, perhaps we have a broken window. It will not ever be the same window again, but perhaps the glass could be used to create something beautiful, unexpected, wonderful. Our heart might be broken by the loss of a loved one, but that does not mean we cannot ever love again, we might just love differently. A car might break down and no longer be useful, but its parts go to the junkyard to be recycled; its tires may be used for one thing, its metals for another, its other materials for yet another.

Breaking doesn't always have to be a bad thing, but because of the connotation of the word, people have come to associate it with bad things. People are always afraid of breaking something, but perhaps they should take a step back and look at what they are breaking.

Now, I am not by ANY means advocating breaking the law. That is one thing that should never be broken. Laws are set into place for a reason. I'm not telling you to go out and break a bone, because that is painful. Some things really ARE bad to break.

What I'm saying is, some of the things that people consider to be completely awful might not be so bad, if shed in a different light. Not all broken things are awful. Something that is broken can be restored into something wonderful and beautiful, something perhaps treasured even more. It just takes a bit of time, patience, creativity, and realizing that breaking something is not the end of the world

Price tag

First order of business:
Heck yeah to all the page views I've gotten!! I've got all my months beat, even May, and June ain't even half over yet!! I must give thanks to Tara, the Cake Betch, from The Hot Mess Chronicles, because a whole heck of a lot of traffic has been coming here from her blog. SHOUT OUT TARA!! Damn I wish we could hang sometime, because she's awesome, too. And I want to meet her dog.

Anywho
Anyone here ever too hard on themselves?

I think we all are at one point are another, right? I mean, we expect something out of ourselves, then the words "should have" or "could have" enter our language. Those are damning words. They can really bring a person down. Whether it's kindergarten and I "should have" been able to recite the alphabet, or high school and I "should have" known the quadratic equation, (I forgot it, trust me, if you're in high school and read this, you'll never use it except when you get in college and have to take a class. Unless you go into some engineering or something, but I don't know about that, I'm "just" a social worker).

See what I did there? "Just" a social worker. Are we ever "just" anything? Do you work hard for what you do? Heck yeah! You may not be a doctorate in something, or get paid six figures, but that doesn't mean you don't work hard. Heck, you may get something more out of your job than money...maybe something like, I don't know, satisfaction. I know that what I want out of my job at the end of the day is to feel like I've helped someone feel better about themselves and their future. Who cares how much I make? (as long as it's enough to feed, clothe, and house me, of course).

How often, though, do we run ourselves through the wringer, not giving ourselves credit for what it is we do? How often do we plant a seed, water it, get a nice, lovely plant, but criticise ourselves because it's not the plant we expected (even if it turns out looking great, or even better than what we expected)? I find myself doing this all the time. So the project wasn't what you intended it to be, but it turned out stellar and everyone loved it, but you can still see the flaws. When are you gonna give yourself credit? You've worked hard for something, you deserve credit, right? It may not be what was asked for, but you still deserve credit for what you do! Hard work deserves recognition. That's why it's called labor.

I've been doing a lot of hard work lately. I've been volunteering, I've been doing my internship with the MHMR, I've been going to school, but I have yet to receive much recognition for what I'm doing. I really work my ass off, but I don't get much for it. I don't get a paycheck, and I don't get any sort of pension. You know what though? THAT'S OKAY!! After I've put in my hours, I get credit at school (oh how rewarding!) and I get the occasional feeling of having helped someone. The occasional feeling of having helped someone is what it's all about! I live for that feeling. I don't care if it takes 10 or 100 hours to get it, I want that feeling. It's like a natural high. I've cried before from the power of that feeling. It's not a monetary or physical reward, it's an intrinsic reward with enough power to keep me coming back, and enough to even make me want to keep volunteering there even after my internship is over (if they'll allow it). Seriously!

When you really appreciate what you do, and give yourself credit for the things you do, you'll start to feel so much better about the things you do, and you'll feel so much more motivated to do them. When it came to things I hated to do, I always waited until the last minute. I feel this much less with my internship; in fact, I often like to arrive as soon as I possibly can, traffic allowing. I like to be there to do things. I like to complete individual sessions. I don't mind typing up notes and putting packets together. I don't mind co-facilitating or even leading groups. I really like what I do. I enjoy it. I'm motivated. It's not something that I dread getting up in the morning to do. It doesn't take an extrinsic reward for me to know that I've done a good job.

Other things, i.e. school, volunteering, home, it takes some acknowledgement for me to feel like I've done anything that matters, and I'm really hard on myself. If I haven't done it the right way the first time, I'll do it again and again until I get it right. Sometimes, I get that way at my internship, when I know I'm doing something wrong. I have to remind myself sometimes that I'm my own worst critic. We all are, at times. We all have to push past that, and remind ourseles that we are worth much more than what we would put on a price tag for ourselves. We do so much more, and what we do is worth much more than what we think it may be worth. No more shoulds and coulds. What we do is worth much more than that We can't put a price tag on that.

Image Credit Here

"Wanna make the world dance, it ain't about the price tag"

When I grow up...

When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? Did you want to be a firefighter? A policeman? Some of us are ambitious, and want to become a prince, a princess, a president, or a leader of a country. Kids are extremely ambitious in their endeavours, and I wonder when it is that we lose our ambition and reality hits us- we're not the spectacular supermen and women that we were brought up to believe that we were, we are just average joes that will be working office jobs. Given, some of us will be those spectacular people, but most of us don't live up to those dreams. Is that sad?

Not really. I think, given the circumstances, many of us wouldn't change where we are now for anything. I know that when I was a child, I aspired to be a teacher. I wanted it more than anything. In some aspects, I will be a teacher of sorts, but not the sort I wanted to be. I wanted to be a schoolteacher. I wanted to spread the kind of knowledge you learn in a schoolroom. Now I want to be a counselor, and that's the degree I'm working on, and I'm finishing part uno of that degree. Part deux soon to come, hopefully.

How many kids, though, know of the wide variety of occupations that are available out there for them to become? How many six year olds know that you can become a neurobiologist? How many know that you can be a social worker in a hospital and help with cancer patients? They have so much that they haven't experienced in their world, they just don't know all of the things they can do with their life. It gives them such limited ambition that when they get older, and they're asked what they want to be, they're at a loss. They're given a brochure with a list of all the things they can become when they enter college, and they wonder "what the heck is that???" (I remember these days)

Why do we teach children such simplicity for so long in life? Why do we keep such wonderful jobs so obscure from them for such a long time? Why don't we have middle schoolers learning about radiology? Have we ever thought about what skilled radiologists we could have if we started their professions earlier (with simpler terminology, of course, but at least learning the basics)? I think it's just an idea to toss out there. I think, had I known the scope of social work, and had I had the experience to explore professions earlier, rather than been thrown into the mix when I entered college, I might have had a better idea what I wanted to do at a much earlier time in my life. I might not have narrowed it to social work at the time, but I might have come closer sooner. They just don't give kids this opportunity, and this is unfortunate.

Part of it might be related to America's push to "teach to the test." Every year, students are forced to reach certain "benchmarks," if you will, that show that they are learning what they are supposed to. Of course, this doesn't teach them anything about life, just that they know how to answer the questions that are going to be on some big test at the end of the year every year. Where's the room for creativity? Kids are taught to want to be some sort of heroic person, when in reality, very few of them are going to have this status, most of them will live for their families, for love, for life. They don't teach this stuff in school.

There are a lot of us that kind of think, if I had known then what I know now....

Not necessarily wanting to change what we had done, but perhaps giving ourselves some insight on what we were getting ourselves into. I wish I could go back and give myself some insight. Perhaps I would have told myself that teaching wasn't going to be my thing. Perhaps I would have told myself that I knew there was more to what I was doing. Maybe I would remind myself how much I liked helping people, and nudge myself into something along those lines. Maybe I would have graduated faster.

Then again, I'm looking back and "could have" and "might have" situations. I have to live for where I am now. No, I'm not gonna be a teacher. I'm not going to write lesson plans, and I'm not going to decorate classrooms every year. I'm not going to smell the wonderful smell of new classroom supplies every August when new kids come in, and I won't be able to lean against the board and get chalk all over my outfit (or, more recently, dry erase marker). Know what? I'm okay with that. That's not what I want anymore. Sure, it's great, but it's not what I want. I would rather work with people and have the rare satisfaction of having someone walk out of an office feeling like I truly helped them through a situation. That is the feeling I live for now. And I wouldn't trade it. I don't want or need to look back.

I still wish they'd teach kids how much opportunity is out there at their fingertips, rather than generalizing jobs to make it easier for them to choose what they want to be. Alas, this is something I can't choose. This is what they'll do. Parents and teachers alike will ask students/children if they want to be president, a firefighter, a ballerina, a doctor, but never a social worker, a marine biologist, a neurosurgeon, or anything specific. When they get to college, it is then that they will decide. Until then, we have all these little police officers running around, princesses and soldiers.

Then, there are some that end up being something that nobody wants to ever be. There are those that become homeless, impoverished, and nobody wakes up one day and says "I think I'll become a heroine addict." It's just the truth of the world, and it happens. It's extremely unfortunate, but that's the way the world works. All the dreams that children have when they are young, very few of them actually end up following the path that they dream of following. Is it because we don't give them the tools? Is it because the paths are too difficult to follow? Is it because they are too general?

How many licks to the center of a tootsie roll pop? The world may never know....

Too much of a good thing

Too much of a good thing is...not often a good thing. In fact, it's usually a bad thing.

So I sit here, eating this "Skinny Cow" candy bar (it was 39 cents!!) thinking hmm. Only 110 calories, nice! Then I remember I've already had a few. Total 440 calories...not so nice!! That's the thing about these low calorie foods that you can buy now- often they put so little into it that you have to eat more than one, thereby defeating the purpose.

Another example, although I've never had this problem myself, is too much money. Rich people have a lot of crap to deal with...you know, like people making a media spectacle of them, asking for money, and the extra that isn't really "necessary" really has no use.

Too much water can kill you. Yes. It's true. It's rare, but it's true, mostly if you are drinking large quantities in a short period of time, or have some sort of illicit substance in your system. Too much of any vitamin can kill you. Too much exercise....well, I do believe that can kill you. Good things, when taken in excess, can kill you. It's sort of a paradoxical type of thing, but it's a really important thing to look at, nevertheless. I can't actually think of anything that is good to have in excess. Too much food is bad for you, too much sleep is bad for you (it's called hypersomnia), on and on. Even too much positive thinking....it's called narcissism! That's one I'd like to get rid of. Alas, it's hard to tell when something becomes too much, rather than too much, or not enough.

One thing I've thought of....is too much knowledge a bad thing? I guess it could be, but I'm finding it difficult to justify that position. Perhaps that's one area where I'm safe, because I'm always wanting to learn more. Just as long as I don't eat too many candy bars and drink too much soda. Knowledge is power! Wait, no, power in excess is bad. But knowledge is good. Is there a balance?

Back to studying. Happy eating!

Easters past

I know I said I'd write an Easter blog (to some of my viewers), but I'm a bit short on content. Easter is pretty much the same every year, and has always been pretty similar. My most interesting Easter tale would involve Easter in Hawaii, if I remembered it, or the year it snowed on Easter in Texas, which would be a one-sentence blog not worth reading.

So, instead, I've just decided to talk about what Easter was like as a child. It wasn't really exciting, per se, except for the chocolate. My immediate family never pushed the religious aspect, really. They did the Easter bunny thing, though. We always had to go to bed early, because if we didn't, "the Easter bunny won't come if you're awake." How this ever was convincing to me, I'm not sure. Maybe it's the fact that I'm overanalytical which led me to discovering the true nature of the Easter bunny. Honestly, I don't remember, but I still went to bed early, even after "finding out," because I wanted that candy.

Of course, to me, bed "early" meant 5 minutes early, at most, and I never fell asleep early (I'm an insomniac. I never told my parents this; thus, they don't believe that I really was awake so late every night even after going to bed). When I woke up Easter morning, there was always an Easter basket filled with candy and a special little gift- one year, I got a Christina Aguilera cassette for my walkman (now I don't know where either one has gone), another year, I got a big purple stuffed peep (of whose whereabouts I also am not certain).

Then, of course, we did the Easter egg hunt thing. Sometimes they were in the couch, or in the coffee table (the top lifted and there were 2 compartments inside). This, of course, was when we lived in Killeen, in a much smaller house; I think an Easter egg hunt here would have been KILLER awesome, but by the time we moved here, I was a teenager, and  was to "be nice" to my sister (8 years younger) and let her find more, basically.

Afterward, we chose a small portion of our candy to take with us to take the (at the time) 3 hour drive to my grandparents' house, where we never visited as much as we do now that we're 2 hours closer. There, we would have another hunt at their (now dismantled) trailer house, outside. This made for some amazing hiding places for eggs!

It was always outside back then, as it is now, and they'd have the younger kids sit inside and not look out the windows as they hid the eggs. Each kid, as they do today, got a money egg; the price has gone from $2 or $3 back then to $6 now (I admit to being a little jealous), but it was always exciting to find your "money egg". It had your name on it; if you found someone else's money egg, you were to leave it be until they found it. Occasionally, we'd lose an egg or two and EVERYONE would go out searching for it, but this wasn't often. I've not participated in the hunt since they moved to their house.

They're really big on the religious aspect, though. I don't pressure it; it's a big thing for them, though, since they're super religious (compared to myself). I actually heard an interesting explanation today for the eggs and the bunny and all that, but I have forgotten it. It was something I had never heard before, and really integrated the religious part of Easter.

As I got older, it got less exciting. Now that my sister "knows", we just get some candy handed to us (which I still don't mind), and we go up there to visit, and sometimes hide eggs. We eat, and today, I overindulged in desserts. Turns out that berry flavored cheesecake tastes REALLY good with actual strawberries mixed in. *wipe drool*

Now I've got a presentation to polish, a bibliography to write, and some sleep to get before my presentation tomorrow. I also have an economics exam on Tuesday, plus all my internship stuff....and I need to see if I can meet with my field advisor on another day. It's going to be a busy week, but I keep reminding myself that after 2 more weeks, I'll be in my FINAL SEMESTER of my undergraduate degree. YAY :D

One statement at a time

When going through one's day, they rarely think about the impact of the words they are saying, and often times, they say the wrong thing, speak too quickly, or stumble over their words. In fact, that's something that's hard to avoid, even for those who are quick thinking on their feet, everyone becomes speechless, even if only for a short time, at one point or another in their life.

I am especially prone to this. I'm also a bit obsessive, so when I am writing or typing something, it will take me twice as long as it should, because when I read over it, I feel like I need to fix my grammar and syntax. I'm always so focused on this, every time I write something, that sometimes I actually forget what I'm talking about, and I have to read and re-read what has been said.

There's also the fact that whatever is said online is open for interpretation- and interpretation is hard online, when there is no body language or affect to connect the words with. Online communication is probably the toughest form of communication that exists, because not only do you have to convey thoughts, but you have to include context so that people will understand what you are saying, without taking offence to your words. THAT has happened to me recently. I texted a status to facebook- and it was grossly misinterpreted, leading to an (online) fight....which upset me very much, as I am extremely non-confrontational.

I don't remember where I found this video, but this video really made me think of the power of words, and the way we phrase things. It is really quite lovely how the rephrasing of something so simple can make such a significant difference.

 I just wonder how many other people really take the time to sit down and think about the connotation, not just the denotation, of the words they express every day. I know it's difficult to do in every day conversations, and I've made many mistakes myself, when trying to say something. I have a hard time communicating and coming up with the words I need to say when it comes to verbal communication. Writing, I seem to do an adequate job most of the time. I have little confidence in my writing, but with the feedback I get, I can't just say I'm a bad writer- that would be in bad taste.

Childhood is a time when anything and everything that is said has a huge impact. Because children aren't fully cognitively developed, they don't understand the world the way that we do yet. Additionally, believe it or not, some of them have impeccable memories when it comes to what has been said. Perhaps this has something to do with the extra thinking that they have to do to insert themselves into adult conversation, or perhaps it's just that they have a better memory. In my short time as an intern, I've learned about the impact just a small phrase or slip-up can make a difference. No, I've not sent anyone out of the office crying, but I've probably said some things that made the clients angry with me, or has made them think I really have no clue what I'm doing. I also know there are times when I sit in dead silence while trying to come up with what to say- while I am trying to counsel (under supervision), I have to make sure I'm saying the right things, that I don't set a client off, make them angry, or trigger them in any way. I am very aware of everything that I say in there. I think things through, and sometimes I actually set up a counseling agenda- just in case I run out of things to talk about.

Right now, I am extremely nervous, because I will be going in tomorrow to lead a supervised group. I've twice done this before, and while the clients actually liked the topics that I brought up, I'm still apprehensive about being the leader of a group- I'm more of a one-on-one, individual, or follower type. Not quite a leader.

Add to this the upcoming presentation for my social work class, and I'm practically shaking just thinking about it. What am I going to say? Am I going to forget what I'm talking about (in either situation)? Am I going to stumble over words, or have huge lapses in conversation because I'm not one that does well in conversation, especially when I'm being judged (class presentation, specifically)? When there is so much pressure on me, I tend to think about it for hours...rather, days on end. My social work presentation is still a week away. On this presentation, I must score rather high- near perfect- to keep my A in the class, otherwise, I'll drop into the B range. I know that's not a complete disaster, but the fact that I've worked so hard, and that my grade is riding on an oral presentation, has made me a disaster.

Back to topic- the power of words. Do you know how much one, ONE, remark can affect a person? This is even stronger when the person has a low self-esteem. I can personally attest to the power of words- when someone compliments me, even if I don't believe it at the moment, and even if I have a hard time accepting it, it is quite elating to know that someone actually believes something positive about me. It can completely change my demeanour, and completely change the direction of my day. Sometimes it will lift me for even longer than a day if someone has something positive to say.

When negative things are said, though, it can take my day in a completely different direction. At times, I'll focus on the negative remark for so long that I lose track of what I'm doing. I'll drop things and stumble, I'll get lost and daydream, contemplating the meaning and impact of the negative words, and I take it completely inside. Even if it's not meant to be a personal affront, I tend to get pretty upset when people insult me.

After this "thinking" period, I tend to try to compensate for my negative attributes, and often overcompensate. I'll spend so much time trying to change the way people look at me, and so much time trying to make things right, that sometimes I'll neglect important things in order to rectify the situation with the negative comment, even if it's smaller. The one negative thing sometimes becomes my priority, and something that I can't seem to take my mind off of. I don't know if this is the case with everyone, but I do know that, when placed the right way, a sentence with the same meaning can have completely different connotations, and these connotations can completely change a person's day- for the better, or for the worse.

What type of person are you? Do you think your words through? Are you spontaneous and sometimes insulting on accident? Think about the words you say every day. Think about your communication with colleagues, clients (if working with the public), family, friends. And next time you slip and say the wrong thing, or come close to it, think about how it'll affect the other person. In the video, a simple change in wording was enough to change the temperament of not only the man, after he found out how the woman had helped him, but also the temperament of those around him, those who walked past, and it was a beautiful thing. We need more people like this in the world, people who can shed the positive light on things, people who can make language a beautiful thing, a thing that completely changes not only a situation, but a person's entire day. We all affect each other- let's try to make it a positive effect that we are having. After all, you'd rather have people say positive things about you, right? We can change the world, one statement at a time.

Innovation & deterioration

I can remember a time when our house only had one computer, and (gasp) one television, and we used landlines. I can even remember my first email account...I don't even know if the site still exists! My sister, on the other hand, 8 years my junior, probably can't remember Oregon Trail, floppy disks, and VHS tapes or cassettes. Such a huge change in our innovation- I wouldn't have been able to write this blog when I was her age, and I'm not even that old!

In this age of innovation, where I can post a blog from my iPod, I can't help but wonder what else will come along before I hit the generation age where I fear I will begin to lose my tech savvy. I mean, it's one thing to grow up with these innovations...it's another to have to learn them when everything inevitably upgrades. What's going to happen to me when they integrate Windows 2020 and I don't know how to use it. More specifically, for whom is all this 'innovation' beneficial? I mean, are they intending to phase out generations earlier and earlier? Am I going to be part of that trend?

Some of my colleagues (not all, though) don't even know how to use the current version of Microsoft Word. You know, since they change it so often. Will that be me soon? Was I born late enough in the trend to be able to adapt to the next innovations successfully? I certainly hope that with the number of changes they've made, I've learnt adaptability enough to adapt.

One thing I've noticed more, though, and I'm sure others have noticed too, is that with all this innovation...we're losing all the ties that make us human. Who goes out to chat anymore, or even talks on a phone? No, people these days text, write blogs (guilty), update their facebook, but so many more aren't. Want a pizza for dinner? When I was younger, you could get out the yellow pages before dinner, and order a delivery or pickup, and you'd use cash to pay usually. Now, you get online and design your pizza, tell em when you want it ready, and even pay online...in some cases, you can just use the Internet on your cell phone, and you can even pay online! Forget all the trouble of seeing people or talking to them or (Shock! Horror!) waiting. Are these kids gonna have any patience at all?what is going to happen to their communication skills when they don't really have to communicate face-to-face much? Will they miss it, even? I mean, after all, they did grow up with such innovations. I have trouble with friends, though, so it's a bit disheartening that going out isn't done much anymore...unless
you go to the bar for a drink or something. I'm not that type, though. And I'm not fond of the principle of online dating and/or friendships. It's just...less real to me. Will these kids ever have the same kind of relationships shared in past generations? Unfortunately, probably not. They'll facebook each other, but I doubt it will ever have the same meaning- even in my generation, with all the changes that have been made.

No longer do you have to speak to order a pizza. You can complete degrees and certifications online, conduct interviews, shop, play games, just about anything, even work from home, with your handheld devices these days. I'm actually reliant on mine, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm sure I'm not alone. I feel lost if I don't have a mobile contact with someone...how will I contact them? I don't have to wait until we're both by a landline, usually. And a lot of places are keeping their doors open later- I can completely avoid people and shop at 2am!! Or just shop online.

Will we see a decline in communication, human interaction, and ultimately in population? Will
Future generations even know the difference, besides from what they see on wikipedia? Now for some important research...I've been asked about the proper grammatical use of 'computer mouse' in the plural form, and my curious mind has to wonder...why is it a mouse? What's the history behind it? I can only hope that future gens will have the patience and curiosity to at least learn about things online, if that's how we have to do it. I just kind of wonder, though, if eventually technology will backfire and ultimately consume or obliterate the human race as we know it....

Sincerely, my strange new nickname Ashley Elle. :)