World Wide Web of Trust

Sorry I've been a bit absent, I haven't been feeling well lately. I don't think it's a good sign that my hands feel great on my forehead (as in, very cool), but I don't know where our thermometers are; my sinuses are stopped up and I have a headache. Every day. Oh, and not much of an appetite.

Anyway, something has been really bugging my mind for a few days, and I really felt the urge to write about it. You see, I'm part of forums. I participate in the internet. I'm on facebook, and I have a bit.ly account. I get on Cracked or Mental Floss and write comments on occasion and write comments, and I float around the net alot.

The thing is, everything I do is with my knowledge. I put my name (or screen name, at least, perhaps first name last initial) out there, with my own permission.

Is it okay for someone else to take what I've put out there, and without my knowledge or consent, reproduce it? Is it okay for someone to take it and spread it all over, without me even knowing that this information is being used?

Say, for instance, that I wrote about a doctor's visit, and having a blood pressure of 100/65. That would not be all too abnormal. Say some person running a medical website comes in and harvests that information, and uses that information on their website. Does it become their information, then? Is it still my information? Can they claim it as their own, and not even tell me that they used it? I don't feel right about that. That really lowers my level of trust for people, and in a way, makes me want to pull every bit of information I have from public access (except for, of course, the people who know how to hack into deleted information).

In an era where information is more broadcast and open to the public, I think it's a good suggestion to be more careful and cautious about what you say. In fact, the blog I was writing? The one about some of the reasons why I champion mental health so much? It's not going up. I've written about the darkness, enough that people get an idea. No need to put any more out there. I don't want some creep going about my website and harvesting my information, using it as my own.

This has come to my attention recently because a website I am a member of has been posting blogs (which I don't write on that site, since I have this site to run to) without the owners' permission or knowledge, on twitter. The owners were under the impression that what they were saying was private and protected, when, in fact, it was being shared with the world. Comfort zone? Gone. It really angers me that people can get away with such behavior by including in their website that anything that you say "becomes property of the website and may be used at their discretion". Nothing belongs to anyone anymore....it's all public.

Now I feel like I may be ready to share my story with the world, but if I do, it might not be my story anymore....and therefore I hold back.

People's rights need to be protected. They need a place where they can go and write stuff and be protected by copyright. This is my stuff. I'm writing it. Not B, or Corky, or John Doe, or Gemma, or Lil, or anyone else. MINE. When I write or say something, it is mine. No longer do I submit to these websites. No longer do I let them dominate.

Maybe I should read those user agreements at the beginning of the websites more often....

Prompt Me: University of Choice

College/university: It's a major part of every student's life, whether they go or not, and if they go, the factors involved in their choice of colleges and universities are huge. HUGE.

When I was in high school, I was a starry-eyed believer in the dream college, which wasn't much, but was much different from where I actually ended up going. My dream college, my sights not set on Duke, Harvard, or Yale, was Baylor University in Waco, Texas, about an hour from where we actually live. I sent off my (incomplete, as I was still a high school student) transcripts, took my SATs, and did all the things a graduating high school student is expected to do.

Knowing that I was going for more than a "Community College," I involved myself in a number of extracurricular activities- enough that I had to "narrow the list" to which ones I wanted included in the yearbook & in the Who's Who Among American High School Students Edition the year I graduated. Colorguard, UIL, and Choir were my favorites, but there was also National Honor Society, Student Council, a brief stint on the Debate Team, all four years in the Who's Who records, class Salutatorian, and if you want to be specific, within UIL, I competed on the Spelling and Social Studies Team individually every meet, as well as a number of times on the Number Sense team, Math Team, Creative Writing team, once on the headline writing team, several times with each of the science teams in biology and chemistry (my physics skills were weak)...in other words, I was the top notch high school student.

I primed my transcript (106 grade point average, not too shabby!), and added the extracurriculars, certain that I'd be ready for the college of my dreams.

Then reality hit, and I got the paper that showed the tuition bill for a semester at Baylor University, as well as my awarded scholarship. I was only 1/4 paid for, and I was not able to commute an hour each way every day (even though in the end, that's what I essentially ended up doing).

My parents pushed for me to find something closer and less expensive, and so I (very apprehensively and not quite willingly) did. As the acceptance letter and scholarship to Baylor sat beckoning on my dresser, I applied to the University of Texas at Arlington, sent my transcript, scores, and whatever other desired materials.

March 11, 2005, due to the "10% rule" (and maybe the whole doing well in high school thing), I was accepted as a freshman into the University of Texas at Arlington. Quickie about the 10% rule- if  you are in the top 10% of your graduating class at a public high school in Texas, you are automatically granted admission to the public college or university of your choice granted there is room in their freshman class (cases like UT Austin call for further inspection, as their freshman class often is far too large to accommodate all the 10% graduates)

Needless to say, although the tuition was much more affordable, and I still had a scholarship, this was not my school of choice, and I was not happy. In addition, I wasn't able to participate in any activities- they all cost money. So here I was a college freshman, going to class for a few hours a day, and going straight to work. Not quite a way to adapt to college.

Four (or six) years later...I'm kind of glad I "chose" UTA. They have a really good school of social work...who knows what path I would have taken elsewhere? I did gradually accommodate myself to campus, although I never really found myself "fitting" on campus. It eventually became a place where I felt comfortable, and I'm kind of sad that I'm not there this semester, my first semester after graduation.

No, UTA wasn't my first choice, and it wouldn't have even been a choice had my parents not wanted me to go to a college "close to home" that was "affordable"...but nevertheless, I ended up going there, and you know what? I'm happy I did. I'd never take it back. The professors, the few people I did connect with, even though we lost contact, the experiences I had, they all had an impact on me. It wasn't my first choice, but it was a very good choice, indeed.

This weeks topic:  College

via

Today's Prompt:  I chose not to go to college....
or I chose the college I did.....

Religion- A Controversial Topic

Day 4: Your view on religion

Oh Lordy (pun intended) let's open up a can of worms!

Alright. My view...

A) For myself- It's called "Agnostic Theism". I do believe there is a higher power out there. However, I do not give the higher power a name (or gender- I would not say He, for example), or a number- I don't know if there is one or multiple. I do, however, believe that there is some sort of higher power in control.

The Agnostic part is that I don't attribute any sort of religious deity to the higher power- it is not "God" or "Allah" or whatever. I don't know what powers it has or does not have. The general meaning of agnostic is "not knowing"- and that's the principle here- we really don't know what's up here. People can Bible thump all day, but the Bible was written by people. Yes, people who say that God was speaking to them (do we know whether this was true?), but people, nevertheless. For me, I will never truly "know" what to believe, and I will not believe in a deity without knowing. I don't know what's up there, and I'm not going to tell anyone else that I know what's up there either. I'm not going to praise anything up there if I don't know what's up there. It's that simple. I don't know what's up there. I won't know what's up there, and neither will anyone else- Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Atheist- until after we've left and cannot come back to tell everyone else.

The theism part is that I do believe there is something up there. I don't know what it is (previous paragraph), and it's hard to praise something if you don't know what it is...but there is something. I do believe in the goodness of people, and that we should do what good we can while we are here on Earth, but I do not attribute that to religion. I do not attribute that to God or any other deity. I attribute that to my beliefs as a human being. Even if I were atheist, I would still be doing good things, because it is in my nature. However, I believe in theism, I believe in higher power, and I do believe that there is something higher in this universe. The extent of the powers of this deity or number of deities, and the characteristics, features, beliefs, wishes, etc., are not mine to theorize about. I will not try to guess what they want- rather, I will live my life, and if it is what they are pleased with, so be it, and if not, so be it. I do believe I am doing the best I can to be a good person. That's the goal I'm aiming for. I'm not aiming to push anyone else to believe this- I'm just aiming to get through life.

I believe there is some sort of place we go after we live, but I don't know what it's like. I don't know if there is a heaven or hell, but I'm pretty certain they exist. They may not be as described in certain books that people look to for everything, but they probably exist. I do believe there have been monumental times in history that have changed the way that man has lived, but I don't know when or how they happened- it could have been any of the myths we hear, stories from the Bible or other books of religion, or it could be something completely different.

As for creationism, a day, month, year, and so forth could be defined completely differently in the terms of whatever deity created the Earth and its inhabitants. It could have fluctuated between longer and shorter time periods, or time could have been massively longer or shorter than it is now. These people living massively long lives in the bible, hundreds of years, could have been living in times when a year was defined as much shorter- after all, look how long it took to get a regular calendar! As for the Big Bang theory, it could have been a part of creation- does this make me a Scientific Agnostic Theist?? The dinosaurs and evolution could have all been a part of a long massive day that whatever deity was testing to figure out what animals were best suited for survival on the planet he was creating...and giving us other planets to explore for fun (who knows what's going through a deity's head?) before creating the regular length we consider a night and day.

Anyone shoot down my theories- go ahead, they're just theories- I'll come up with something else. That's the way I am. I'll find a way to make a new theory. There are so many things that could be true, would be true, might be true. Earth is an endless mass of possibilities. Deities add to that mass, and the fact that nobody can see or know about them outside the realm of human life adds to the great debate. There will never be agreement on the subject- as long as humans have free will, there will be difference in opinion and interpretation.

Honestly, not truly knowing myself, I don't want to say anyone else is wrong, because any of these people could be spouting off the truth, or they could, every single one, be wrong. I don't know, therefore, I can't say. Who am I to follow, when I don't truly know myself? I just know there is something out there, and that's all I need to know. That's all I want to know, that's all I have to know. As long as I keep living life in a positive way, helping people and trying to make things better, I think that's all that matters, really.

B) Other people- I'm not going to tell someone else what to believe. I might tell someone else what I believe, but as far as what they believe, I'm not going to tell them they're wrong, or that they're going to hell. I can't say they're right or wrong. I don't know what they believe, I don't know anything about their deity, I don't know what happens after death, and I can't make any judgments. I won't preach about it. If someone asks me about it, I'll tell them- this is what I believe, this is why, and if you want to believe it, that's ok, if not, that's alright too.

As far as their children go, I believe that people should introduce their children to many religions- Muslim, Jewish, Christian, Catholic, even Agnosticism and possibly Atheism- and see which one they think they like the best. As for choosing a religion, this might be left for older children. One might raise them exploring different religions, letting them see more than just a book, but actually going to services and be involved. This will allow them to see what they're going into- and make an informed decision from there. This way they have the information and the experience they need to make that informed decision, and they don't feel pressured to do so. They should never feel pressured in the decision to follow a certain belief.

They should, though, be given the chance to experience different beliefs, rather than just growing up without the resources. If they don't know what's out there, they can't make an informed decision. The same is true if they only attend Christian churches, and are told they can choose. How can they know about other religions? The education they can receive from attending other churches, or at least meeting people from other religions, can be valuable to them for the rest of their lives, and will also help with acceptance of others (although some parents may go WHOA, I don't want my kid accepting that kid). It is actually a good thing for a child, even if the parent is hesitant. It's exploration, learning, education. It allows for informed decisions and lets the child know that it's ok to believe many different things. It teaches the child that there are many different views out there, and choosing one will be difficult.
______________________________________________________________________________

Allowing a child to dabble in religion teaches love, acceptance, culture, perception, and the value of exploration.


Agnostic theism (or...Scientific Agnostic Theism) takes into account that anyone could be right- and it acknowledges that while I believe there is a higher power, I don't know much about it, so I can't say much about it. The scientific part means I can't debunk science, but I can fit science in, because I don't know about the deity's mind, and perhaps they had different perceptions of time and space, and who knows, maybe they did some experimenting of their own. We don't know, and will never know for sure, although anyone can try to tell me what to believe. I'm telling you, I do believe there's something up there! I just don't give it characteristics like you do! I allow for flexibility, and that makes the topic of religion much more comfortable for me.

THOSE- those are my beliefs on religion. Let the wars begin.

Day 3- Pet Peeves

Day 3- Your Top 5 Pet Peeves

Being the overachiever that I am (and the person with a lot of pet peeves) I'll go ahead and list....10.

1) Ice. Why do places always have to fill your drinks with expanded chunks of water, and furthermore, why do people like them so much that they ask for extra and/or chew on them? I'll never understand it. I have to ask for easy ice so I can actually get a substantial amount to drink, instead of a lot of expanded frozen water, and that annoys the heck out of me. Irk.

2) People who think they own the parking lot (and swoop in and grab the parking space you've been waiting for). Assholes...I'm sitting here with my blinker on, obviously waiting for the spot...and you take it? What's your problem? No, I don't have road rage, I'm Texan....

3) When the radio plays new things (particularly Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj, or Justin Bieber) ad nauseum. I get the point, they have a new song. Please stop stabbing my eardrums and actually play music, like you were meant to do. Really, it gets old, and it gets old fast.

4) When things break and the wait time for them to fix is longer than a week. Really, do you have to outsource it that far? Do you not have anyone in the state that knows how to fix a problem? What happened to all these technicians that are going to college?

5) Jobs making you go online to apply and not accepting applications any other way, or even phone calls. I mean, I know this makes it easier for them, and it even helps when looking for a place that has openings, but it really makes it difficult to find out what their first impression is of you other than what they see on a screen, and it makes it really makes it difficult to give a first impression other than your application- in fact, you have to make it to the interview to really make any sort of impression aside from having the qualifications.

6) Speaking of jobs and their processes- the character interviews. They don't really tell you much about a person's character anyway. Did you know there are books out there about how to answer those, and people that "leak" how the answers work? Your character interviews are an ineffective and tedious part of the process.

7) People who claim to know things they really don't know (I won't name names here). There are things that don't happen for the reason that you claim they happen. You have backwards thinking. There are things that don't operate the way you say they do. Things have changed a little. Your beliefs are flawed.

8) Speaking of beliefs, voting- people who vote for someone because of the way they look, or because of where they're from- and I know people who do this. "I don't want to vote for someone from the north" or "I don't want to vote for someone white" or "I don't want to vote for someone black" (I've seen it both ways). "I don't want to vote for a woman" or "I don't want to vote for that person because they have a messed up nose"...people, really, is this what matters? I know, I'm not into politics, and I don't vote, because in the end...it's these kind of people that win out, and in my county/locality, my vote doesn't make any difference. If you have a very large group of Republicans, and add in one person who votes (any other way) (I don't have a party), their vote isn't going to make any waves no matter what it is. They aren't going to change the people who are stubborn in their ways, which number many. Stop trying to convince me! And stop voting in stupid ways, and maybe I'll consider it!!

9) Food touching. I don't see how people can just mix all their food together. I must separate them and eat them one at a time. I don't know why, I just must. My parents say when I was young I would "scream bloody murder" when my foods touch. I would still do this, if it was acceptable. However, I know acceptable table (couch?) behavior, and I don't scream, I just try to separate them.

10) Judgmental people. I know it sounds like I'm judgmental sometimes, but I'm not going to love or hate a person based on any of these things. In fact, I can't think of anyone I love or hate. There are some people that grind my gears, but I have a feeling that if I had some time away, it would be less stressful. Even if I dislike someone, most of the time I don't know why, and I tolerate them- they rarely know. There has been one person that I've expressed my dislike to- that I'd rather jump a cliff than see her again- and yet I tolerated seeing her. She stated that I was a very tolerant person, and had I not told her, she probably would not have known that I had such a dislike. Bottom line? Don't judge people, and even if you do, you don't have to make it known to the world, you should still treat them like humans. Better to not judge them at all though. I'm human, I admit I've done it, but it's not a practice I participate in regularly.



I think I could add more, but people might start thinking I'm bitter and have too many pet peeves. They might even start avoiding me. I don't want that to happen! It's actually really difficult to get onto my bad side (oh, spammers aren't on my list, and they should be way up there too....). I'm fairly easy to get along with and accepting. There are people who annoy me >.> They usually know who they are and why, because they instigate it, or they don't know because they really haven't done anything wrong and it's just a quirk of mine, in which case, there's no reason for them to think they've done anything wrong.

Randomosity 30 Days of Me- Perpetually Single

I have to say, I really liked the 30 days about me thing. It gave me something to write about sometimes when I was at a point where I didn't have much to write about, and at this point in my life, I'm finding a lot of that. This month, through some searching, I found another 30 days of me, on Randomosity Blog, so I'll be doing that one this month- but since this one is not restricted by day, I can start and finish when I want.

So, this month, I will start on Day 1. If there is a topic I don't want to post about, or that I feel uncomfortable posting about, of course, I will not post about it, as it is my freedom to choose what to post or not post about. Of course, now you'll be able to see what I choose to post or not post about. Well. That's fine I guess.

Day 1: My current relationship.

They start with a doozy. I'm single. I always have been single, unless you count the kid that went out with me on a dare in middle school, because the other kids didn't believe he would ask out such a dorky kid as myself. He broke up with me the next day. Confidence booster.

I was always the awkward one. It really was a downer to see everyone else going out with someone while I was always single. It is a downer to see my sister with boyfriends while I'm single (still). It's a downer to see my brother getting engaged while I'm (still) single. Both of them are younger. I'm proud of my brother, excited for him even, but I can't help but feel a little down about it.

I think, more than anything, I want for someone to care for me, unconditionally, but I've given up on that ever happening. I know, some people tell me they didn't have these things happen until they were older (late twenties, early 30s, maybe later), but I don't believe it'll ever happen for me. I just don't think I'm fit for it. Even so, I'm not ready for certain things in a relationship... there are things in my past that I can't forget. Things I tell nobody.

I'll never have a boyfriend. I don't even want one anymore. Maybe the caring of someone. The unconditional love. Someone to spend time with, and share things with. Nothing further. You can thank certain guys for that. There's a complete lack of will to go out with anyone, which is a complete buzzkill for a relationship- which will thereby kill any possibly relationships anyway.

Brand pessimist on my forehead...or just allow me to live single, because that's probably better anyway. My brother and sister- they'll have successful relationships. I'd like to call it realism...nobody has realistically looked my way for a real relationship- why would they do it in a year, two years, or five years? Thing is, it doesn't really bother me that much anymore- I've given to the perception of myself being single in the future, and it's really not all that bad. Not the best life, but not horrible. I can live with it.

Persistence

***Be sure to look out for my blogoversary post tomorrow!***

Everyone knows (or most people do) that if you're persistent enough, you usually get what you want.

Well, this headache is being very persistent. I don't know how else to surrender. It's keeping me from doing a lot of things. Boxes are remaining unpacked, and it's been almost a week since I got my stuff back in my room. I fell asleep before 11 last night (which is quite unlike me). I've been avoiding the internet like the plague. Even my phone has been, for the most part, neglected.

What else does this headache want from me? I'm not sure. I want to surrender. What do I give it? I don't have a white flag to wave. I'm sure I could make one, but what good would it do? I'm sure my head would just laugh. Actually, it might, just because it knows that laughing hurts.

I wrote out my blogoversary post, because I knew what I wanted to write. Luckily, I'm a touch-typer, and only have to look at the screen if I think I made an error. This saves me from staring at the screen, which means I can type things out and just read over them when I'm done. Otherwise, I haven't been online much.

Dear persistent headache:

What do you want from me? I've given you my time, my patience, and my sanity. There's not much else to give. I've fed you acetaminophen, ibuprofen, aspirin, naproxen, excedrin, and just about anything that exists to help a headache, and somehow you have survived it all. You even survived sleep. You are one tough sucker. I'm at a loss. I'm down to asking you what you want, because I don't know what else to do. Please, help me out, or go away soon.

Unwillfully yours,

Things I Know- I have a blog

Another mostly lazy week. We did move most of the stuff back into my room, except the crap I'd like to weed through first to pull out the stuff I don't need. No pictures- lots of boxes and mess. Once things are sorted...maybe. There's still a lot of work to be done

Things I know:

• When you have no timeline, you lose track of time. I wrote a calendar for September and started it on the wrong day. Seriously. *facepalm*
• My blogoversary is on Monday. Wheeee!!!!!!!!
• It takes a lot of work to move stuff back into a room...more than it does to move stuff out of a room. Especially when it's the same room. 
• People don't always respond right away. Be prepared for this. It's because people usually have lives. Unlike you, Ashley. Get a life, Ashley!
• It's not very nice to berate yourself. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. See above. 
• I like research. I don't hate research. In fact, I love research. I hate statistics. For the longest time, I thought I hated research, when really, it was the statistics part that I hated. Thank you, Dr. Bron, for helping me sort through this dilemma. Now I can actually say I love research!!! (She sorted it with me on twitter...thanks!!)
• People can care-more than you think- through a computer or phone- overseas or a few states away. The internet has broken down walls, county lines, state lines, and country borders. There are no longer the same boundaries as before- just remember to keep some boundaries. Boundaries are good, just be reasonable. 

And that's all. Being cooped up isn't really doing much for my knowledge. I don't know much more than I did last week. At least I know something....

Huzzah!!!

One Size Never Fits All

Have you ever felt pressure to conform to another person's beliefs or habits, in the blogging world, or anywhere else in life? Lately, there's been a lot of WordPress-Blogger disagreement. Those who use WordPress are insisting it's the "better" platform, but there are some diehard Blogger users (sorry, including myself) who won't switch, and it's really gotten me into this funk. I really don't like the disagreement. It's not an "I don't want to switch to WP because I want to be ugly and argue with the other side" attitude. It's an "I really think that every blogger should be able to choose their own platform, because different platforms suit different people, so this argument really shouldn't exist" type of attitude.

 Really, is there anything in this world that is truly "one size fits all"? Electronics are made differently to suit people's different wants and needs- think Apple versus Windows. How many different supermarkets are out there to fit different shopping habits, or different department stores? What about different types of food? Even hats, gloves, and socks that are made in only a small number of sizes fit their population differently. A hat that I wear will fit my sister differently than it will fit my mom. Gloves made to fit a medium sized hand will fit different medium sized hands differently.

The world is made of versatile people with different needs and wants, that's what makes us all unique! When this Blogger-WordPress argument goes down, and each person states their side, I don't even like to be involved, but being on the side under pressure to "switch", it's hard to avoid. The only reason I'm even writing this is because I've really seen enough "Switch to WordPress, I'll even show you how!" blogs, or "Blogger is better, I'll never switch!" blogs. I don't like seeing them, and the reason why is because.... 

Honestly, I think that some people are just better suited for one or the other. Some people are a better fit for WordPress, while others are a better fit for Blogger. Some people will always use Apple products, while others will completely reject the Apple platform. I'm a diehard non-Apple user, although I love Instagram, and wish they would create a non-Apple app for the Droid market. Even if they did make Apple phones for Sprint, which they don't, I still love my Evo. As long as there are multiple platforms, there will be competition, and likely arguments over which platform is better. Why are some people a better fit for Blogger or WordPress? Well, they just are. The setup, the amount of time they've been using one another, the way that the platform works, sometimes it's just easier for someone to navigate one or the other. Having actually used both, I have figured out which is the better fit for me. Inserting objects, alignment, text, setup, design, it's easier for me here. Interface is easier for me here. Some people find it easier there. That means they like it better there, and if that's what is a better fit for them, I think that is what they should use. If this is a better fit for someone, they should use it.

People have different wants and needs, and in pushing them to do something which is uncomfortable, they are totally being ignored. Stop pushing! You can still read the blog, either way, so why does it matter? I would never push a WordPress user to switch to Blogger. I like for people to use what fits. That will vary from person to person. My purpose in writing this is to say...well, one size doesn't fit all. We will never all agree on which platform is better, no matter how many blogs you write on which platform is better. We will never all use Apple or Droid, no matter how much you plug each product. We will never all eat at one restaurant, no matter how many commercials you make. We will never all fit into the same shoe, or the same dress. We're versatile people, and that's what makes the world go round, that's what makes a job market, advertising jobs, that's what makes us different.

Keep doing what you do, but most of all, keep doing what suits you, because that's what makes you who you are. I don't want to try to convince you one way or the other- after all, one size doesn't fit all. If another mold fits you better, then that's where you belong, but if this is the mold that fits you, then you should wear it proudly, without being intimidated by others who wear the other mold more comfortably. There is no "right" or "wrong" platform, and as such, there should be no pressure, from anyone to use one or the other. One size, it may fit some people, but it never fits all.

 

Criminal

When someone does something wrong, and they don't get punished for it, you get angry, right? And you wish horrible things for them, I'm sure, even though you would never outright admit it. Even I have to admit that at a time or two, I wished someone would trip over something, or just simply mess up and face the embarrassment that I've had to face.

What if the crime is bigger? Is the chair really the answer? Is putting them in a cell really the answer? I agree that it does keep some people from committing crimes, but it does weigh heavily on tax dollars, and it does nothing but give some of them a place to sleep and 3 meals a day. Putting them on the streets, especially in highly publicized cases, if you haven't picked up which I'm talking about yet, might be the option that would be a more harsh punishment.

After all, in prison, she might face taunts and fights, but then they face punishment and extensions of their sentences. In the outside world, anyone and everyone is free to taunt, bully, harass, and hate on her as much as they can. They can call her names and deny her jobs, leaving her living on the streets, hence no roof over her head. No three meals.

Word is that, tonight, Casey Anthony will be set free, out a back door to "protect" her, and that she will leave to an undisclosed location. Word is that she'll go to gun-toting, execution-happy Texas. I hope she doesn't end up in the hood- it's a scary place, especially with tags like "baby-killer" hanging from your forehead. Anyone who has been talking to people or watching TV knows about the case. Mention of her name could get her into trouble, but using a false name is another crime.

So, would putting her in solitary confinement in a prison for the rest of her life really be punishment? Would it really be justice? We can speculate that she might get some book deal or TV show, but what would they have to write on? Will she ever admit to it? Even if she did it would be Double Jeopardy to try her again, but what if they tried her for something else related? She does have a reputation, now. That will follow her for the rest of her life.

I do think that, in some ways, letting her walk free will be a punishment for her. She will be tortured, taunted, bullied, and she will have to face every day knowing that she was the one who is responsible for all this. And, for those of you who are religious, when judgment day comes, it is she, and only she, who will face her maker, and only she will be able to pay for what she has done. It won't matter how many years of prison she served on earth when she finally faces her ultimate fate after death.

Honestly, I think she could have written a book from her jail cell and had more protection, as well as regular meals, a bed to sleep in, small, but some income, and not having to fear every day that she has to face on the streets. Where will she work? What will she do? Where will she go? Where will she live? Who will she talk to? These things are all yet to come. Before everyone gets all up in arms about how she is being allowed to walk free with no punishment, think about the persecution she'll face every day on the street because of the negative publicity she has faced for years. Her life will never be the same again.

Honestly, I think she is guilty. I was very, very unhappy when I found out she was found "not guilty," until I thought about it. Not guilty doesn't mean she's innocent. It just means they didn't have enough evidence to convict her, unfortunately, and I don't think they ever would have. It's just one of those things that may have gone on for decades for all we know. Justice wouldn't be a jail cell or letting her sit in a chair and die. Justice would be her suffering for the rest of her life, methinks.

So even though my first reaction was to scream "WHAT THE HELL?!?!" in line at Six Flags in St. Louis, I think that, someday, somehow, she'll get what she's got coming. She's got an entire country hating on her, calling her names, and she's probably got groups of people out hunting her. Life will never be the same for her. She may not be in prison or dead, but life will more than likely be hell. I don't feel sorry for her in the slightest bit, because I think she did it, but I'm not going to cast judgments on her and throw her in the slammer, because it's not my place, and it looks like plenty of people have done that already.

Miami-bound

I'm writing this as we're on the road to Miami....Oklahoma, that is. What's in Miami? As far as I know, it's an Indian reservation with a casino. It'll be a bit lengthy probably, given that it's a 6-7 hour trip from DFW.

I'm kinda worried about my classes. I received a less than failing grade on a paper for my research class. It's about how major depressive disorder can affect high school dropout and the choice to not go to college.

Indeed, depression can affect a person's motivation and self esteem so drastically that they no longer have the desire to go to school, or to stop doing the work- which leads too poor academic performance, another factor in school dropout.

It's really difficult to get the motivation to do much of anything when depressed, no matter at what point you're at in your life. Sometimes, facing this overwhelming exhaustion and dread might be the best thing a person can do when they are feeling this way, though. Getting out will get them around other people that could positive influence.

Being torn between the wish to get as far away from the depression as possible, coupled with the anhedonia depression brings, can cause a lot of conflict. It's not that the person doesn't want to get better; the problem is, everything, even the smallest task seems like a monumental and mountainous obstacle, which is really daunting and discouraging.

Warning: from this point on, there are some controversial issues discussed, not meant to cause anger or argument, just encourage thought. If you're easily offended, or don't want to read about something you don't agree with, I have some noncontroversial blogs posted, and I'll post another with this one. Again, I'm no expert, and I'm not trying to force my ideas on anyone; I'm just putting them out there. Here goes.....

People make a lot of assumptions about true clinical depression- including that it's only a bad mood that will pass, an assumption that could even become dangerous. The truth is, nobody should recklessly judge something without being exposed directly to it. If you've never tasted a hamburger, you can't properly tell me about it no matter how hard you try. If you've never been rock climbing, you can't describe the thrill of climbing to the top and seeing the view. Also, if you've never directly met a person, you can't assume what their personality or demeanor is like. That means even if you know them over facebook.

Truth is, everyone wears masks, and you never really know a person until you've met them and spent some time with them.

Once you do meet someone, it's not proper to really judge someone, but it's difficult to not have a perception or impression. Just remember that what you see isn't always the whole situation, and may be completely contrary to the truth.

Try to remember that we are all human, we all have our flaws; therefore there is no reason for one person to really judge another. We all make mistakes, and no, not even I am perfect (lol). Some make mistakes worse than others, but we all grow up in different environments and have different factors affecting us.

It's disappointing how intolerant some people are, and how some are even taught that too much tolerance is a bad thing. They need to know that it's acceptable to accept other people as they are.

There are many instances of this in history, and not just against those of different ethnicities. Women and children, religious differences, and even mental illness and the criminals have been discriminated against.

Women, of course, still are bound in life by stereotypes that date back as far as recorded history goes. Some countries are worse than others, but there isn't a nation in this world that doesn't have preconceived notions about the roles of gender.

One of the interesting things I found in doing research on the history of mental illness is something that is hardly spoken of- I didn't even know about it at all until I read Jodi Picoult's "Second Glance."

In the early 20th century, especially in the 1920s and 1930s, there was a movement called the "eugenics" movement. Basically this idea promoted the involuntary sterilization of criminals and those found to be "feeble-minded." This movement was especially strong in the US during that period. Many of those housed in institutions were prevented from reproducing, because scientists were suggesting that criminal behavior and mental illness were genetically inherited and passed from generation to generation.

The problem was when Hitler took hold of this idea, and proposed that keeping certain people from reproducing, and getting rid of those with the bad genes, would in a way "clean up" the gene pool. Anyone with much knowledge about history knows about Hitler, the Jews, and concentration camps.

Of course, at this point, Americans disconnected from "eugenics," but in some states it's STILL legal (really!!). There are also other procedures these days that could be considered to be related to eugenics.

Often when a woman is pregnant, especially if she is older or has a high-risk pregnancy, she might choose to have amniocentesis done, to see if they're having a healthy baby. If not, they are given the decision to abort-a very controversial decision. Who decides who has the right to live? What are the limits, benefits, consequences? What judgments will be made about the mother regarding her decision?

There are many factors to consider, which really could create a blog of its own. The mother's health as well as that of the fetus are crucial. What about if baby and mother would both live, but the baby's life would be significantly impaired or shortened? Does the mother let the child suffer? Here I will insert that yes, I am a fan of Jodi Picoult, lol. Her book "Handle with Care" addresses this, when a mother sues her obstetrician, who happens to be her best friend, in a wrongful birth lawsuit after her baby is born with what is more commonly known as brittle bone disorder. Quite a touching book, if you ever get the chance to read it.

Anyway, back on topic, If a baby is conceived through rape, that is a whole issue of its own- should she be responsible for all the medical expenses, as well as the daily reminder of the trauma? Even if she puts the baby up for an adoption, she still has to carry it with her for 9-10 months. In this case, there's nothing she could have done, and it's not her fault, she wasn't neglectful; however, should the fetus be aborted and not given a chance to live?

At what point is a fetus considered alive- when the egg is fertilized? When it plants itself? When it reaches a certain stage of growth? Does it know what is happening?

If a woman cannot care for a baby, or even just the doctors' visits associated with pregnancy, what should she do? Carry it to term without the proper care and risk her health and the baby's? Abort it? Even if it's aborted there are the regular checkup that go along with pregnancy.

My opinion (this is the only place I will insert opinion) is that it should only be available to those with high risk pregnancy where the mother or baby's life is in danger. Those who had no control over their pregnancy (rape victims in particular) should be given the option, but also be offered the medical expenses if she carries it to term to have it adopted or keep it (also her choice). These are the only cases in which it should be considered. [end rant]

Sorry if it's a bit much to read, it's been a long ride (6 hours) so I've had a lonnnnnng time to think. We're still not there, but I think this is enough to digest for one day.

And, at the end of the day, I find out that the free wifi access is only "free" for 24 hours.....what kind of bs is that? *sigh* I'm out for the night, auf weidersehen....

Exploring possibilities- part one

Every person has a certain level of tolerance for those around them; some people are very open-minded, others so judgmental it's almost sickening.

For the most part, intolerance for any reason is propelled by a lack of knowledge about the person or idea that isn't tolerated, sometimes due to false stereotypes through the media, or passed along in a family.

I like to think about myself as a very tolerant person. I don't follow any sort of political ideals because very often they insist their way is the only way. I also tend to steer away from religion, but decided to share some thoughts today. I generally avoid conflict, and these, among other things, are hot topics for debate.

Here's the disclaimer for this blog. If you have very strong beliefs and a closed mind, you might be offended, angered, or upset because my views are not congruent with your own. I also must stress that I AM NOT presenting this in ANY way as the truth, just examining possibilities that I've considered, which may or may not be correct. If you are going to read all of this, be prepared to have an open mind- and if you'd like, you can share your own ideas with me through comment or at ashlw87@yahoo.com. Keep in mind that I'm not trying to change anyones views, just encouraging people to have an open mind to consider that their views are not the only way to look at things, and we should not judge each other or be hateful because of differing perspectives. For a story about different perspectives, click here to read about considering perspective. Also, please remember that I am not judging or discriminating, just exploring possibilities.

Today, I've been thinking about religion- who am I to name the higher power and spread the word, if I never heard the words myself? People are by nature sinful; how can we trust that the writers of the bible are accurate, honest, or even sane? We have no verification for this except the writings of other people. However, they can't be discredited either, because they migh be correct. I believe there us someplace we all go, but there's no way for a human being to determine the guidelines for where we go and why.

As far as evolution and creation theory are involved, it's possible that they could havehappened simultaneously. First the earth came to be. Is it possible that God (or any other higher power) made an explosion such as...say, a BIG BANG, which formed the planet? Absolutely. Is that what happened? I'm not in the position to say for certain, nor is any other human being. As far as the time frame- a minute in God's or any other realm could be thousands or millions of years. If he took a whole day to create the heavens and earth, I certainly see how it could be possible that the evolution of the earth could have happened in that time frame, so the evolutionists have their view, with fossils and carbon-dating, them there's the possibility that this planet that evolved could have been created by a higher power.

The Christian bible proposes that first light and dark were created, then the water from the skies on day 2, land emerges on day 3 and plants, grass and trees, separating light from dark to create days, seasons and years. In earth time, this could have occurred in any number of years, but it was defined as 'days' by the bible. Considering measurement of time was not thoroughly developed until well after the 13th century, it's feasible that a day could last any amount of time in ancient time, since we only know they had "very primitive" methods (but not tools) with which to tell time.

When tools were developed to tell time, they varied between cultures and regions. Keeping a definition of time that would be used all over the world would not be created until the 19th and 20th century. Therefore, determination of the time perspective from both a higher power and communicating time between regions before documented, recorded time is pretty much frivolous. A variety of explanations can be hypothesized, but there's really no reliable way to be certain.

For now, that's all I care to talk about as far as religion goes, although I have a feeling that my perspectives on these things. Of course, all of this material is open for individual interpretation (and yes, I could be wrong too).

Things aren't always what they seem to be

I've been having trouble with one of those kind of people lately. The ones that see only the face value, but don't look under the skin to fond the skeletons that are hidden inside. I mean, certainly, when someone is talking to someone and, by theory, is supposed to be nice to them, they're not going to show any type of malice in front if their friends. That being said, yes, I do have some things I'm lucky to have. Just don't take the face value and assume that means everything is fanfrickentastic.

I've finished my part of a school paper, which I'm pretty proud of seeing as there are several days until it is actually due. I'm really nervous, though, I've got 3 presentations coming up.

Look at the sky. What do you see? Is it going to be the same as someone in a different city? State? Country? It's important to take perspective into consideration when evaluating a situation.

Take, for example, a story I read a long time ago in a Chicken Soup for the Soul book. There is a story if a teacher with two quarreling students, so she asks them to step to the front of the room, having one stand on either side of her desk. Upon her desk, she places a contraption which is painted half black, half white, showing each student only one color.

When she asks the first student what color it was, the student responded that it was black- that's all the student could see.

When faced with the same question, the second student was convinced that OBVIOUSLY, the other student was wrong, the object was clearly white.

In reality, each student was only responding to what they saw, what was placed in front of them. They didn't see the other side, or the reasons for the other student's seemingly bizarre answer. When you take the time to stand where someone else does to try to understand what they see and why they believe the things they do, you gain a better understanding of yourself, the other person, and the situation in general.

This is related to another problem that I've come to face today. I'm in the process of deciding whether I should go to graduate school or not. I'd really like to if I could; I know money is tight, though, and my GPA is ultra-low, but it's really something I'd like to do, to go into the field I've been dying to go into. I see why it would be a burden, I also see opportunity, which is making it rough. None of my family has gone to grad school; none of us know what to expect. I do, however, realize the limitations of only having a Bachelor's degree, and the challenges I will face; I also see how it would be an extreme challenge/burden for me to tackle. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do. I have other things more present to worry about until then.

I encourage anyone that has the resources to continue their education...because there are some of us that want to, but can't. If you have the opportunity, no matter how old you are, go for it.

In the end, I'll probably end up working at least a few years before I'll be able to start a master's degree. That's what I had been thinking I'd have to do anyway before I even consider grad school. People say I'm smart. People say it'll work out for me. I certainly hope so, and I hope things work out for everyone else as well. Thanks to my readers for reading all this stuff, and I hope at least someone is getting something out of this. XXXXXXX