Today, as soon as I get offline, I am driving to a baby shower in Killeen.
Deep down, I am REALLY excited. The girl the shower is for, Valerie, was the first person that really talked to me after I moved to Texas wayyyy back in the first grade. I was 6. Fast forward 16 years- elementary school, middle school, high school-move-different high school, most of college- and now I'm going down there for a shower.
This is where my nerves kick in.
Who is going? Do I know any of them? Do any of them like or dislike me? How many people will be there? What will they think after not seeing me for 8 years? Will they think I'm an ok person? Will I be shunned? How do I look? Ew I wish my hair looked better.
My thoughts make me want to curl up in a ball and crawl back under the covers, because I've got the social awkwardness of....the most socially awkward person I know. For lack of better description. My mind keeps playing scenarios-
1. I don't know anyone there except Valerie. They all dislike me upon seeing me, and I'm forced to sit at a table alone and cry into my food
2. They still don't know me. I'm coerced into playing a bunch of awkward baby shower games, at least one of which ends in complete humiliation.
3. I dislike the cake.
4. I show up late, and they all shoot glares through me like I've just done some god-awful thing
5. I forget how to talk, and I look like a monkey trying to express this.
6. An unavoidably uncomfortable topic comes up, and I'm forced to try to dodge it, but can't
The list goes on and on. I really am very socially awkward, so it may be completely hilarious to see the outcome of today, but I'm still in that panicked phase. I'm doubting I'll survive. Survival of the fittest....and I'm not fit at all!!
Well, it's time for me to go face my fear- but I have to drive a little over 2 hours to get there first. Deep breaths. I can do this.
Peace, love, and music ☮♥♫♪