27 September 2010

Laughing at Myself

Looking back at yesterday and Saturday, there are about a billion reasons to laugh at myself :)

It was a hard weekend, and I made it 10x harder because I was so hilariously frustrated. Keep in mind that I was also having withdrawal/discontinuation effects, the worst of them were the brain zaps, feels like someone is electrocuting my brain. I was verrrrry irritable! Yesterday I decided to redo the first phase of my research project because I changed my topic....again. For my research, I have to use a database called "EBSCOhost," which is a collection of databases (Academic Search Complete, Lexis Nexis, PsychINFO). I can select different databases, then narrow the parameters so my results are more relevant to my search- ie Do I want human subjects? Do I want English Language? Do I want peer-reviewed? Do I want a PDF Full Text link? So it's pretty useful when it comes to research and finding scholarly sources.

Well, yesterday just wasn't my day. I did several searches looking or connections and differences between borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. Of course, I had already done this with 3 other topics. I went through and selected all databases and parameters, put in my search terms, found an article....then the library bumped me off. When it bumps you off.....it deletes all your search information and parameters, so you have to go back and re-enter everything to do the search again. This happened to me multiple times throughout the day. I'd find an article, write about it, then when I went to cite it, it would ask me to sign in. Imagine how frustrated I got! I finally got it worked out, though.

Hours later, I finally finish putting my paper together, and I go to revise it. The headers and footers went berserk. How difficult is it to understand that I want the first page different, then the entire rest of the document the same? Seriously! So I spent a long time fiddling with the settings until I got it just right.

Then came time to print. I was ecstatic that I was almost done with this assignment, so close to done! I plug the printer into my laptop, and tell it to print. Page 1 goes smoothly. Then---crunch crunch beep beep ERROR Paper jam! I probably turned about 10 shades of red and nearly ripped the printer apart. Whilst I was fiddling with the printer, my mom was trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me....I was visibly upset. I just told her I had had a lot of trouble putting this assignment together (which was true).

Finally, the paper jam came out, and I restarted the printing process. "Receiving information, receiving information" the screen told me.....then....."Yellow ink empty!" Normally, this would not have been a big deal, but it really irritated me after the turn of events I had so far that evening. It would not let me proceed printing my *entirely black and white* paper until I put more yellow ink in. Because that yellow ink is SO crucial when I'm printing nothing yellow. *facepalm*.

Eventually, it all worked out, and now I have my assignment sitting neatly in my folder waiting to be turned in tomorrow. I'm exhausted, though, from lack of sleep; the brain zaps were keeping me up all night. I didn't realize it til I went through my sent messages, but apparently I emailed my therapist around 4 am VERY upset with what was going on.....I only bothered to check because I got a call this morning from the new doctor lady, trying to help me out. Maybe she's not as bad as I think, she's just not the same, ya know? We worked things out, and I went on my merry little way to biology class, where we learned about abnormal sex chromosomes, then I got my glasses straightened/tightened (they were practically falling apart), and now I'm home. I've also realized I made a biiiiig mistake this morning.....I took my nighttime pills, my sleeping pills, during the day. So, I am doubly exhausted. Also, after explaining the trouble I was having with withdrawals/discontinuation, she decided to let me keep taking the other medication. What a relief!

Just as an added bonus, you know why they call it "discontinuation syndrome"? They don't want people to think that they will become addicted to it because their body becomes dependent on it. It's not in the same sense as an addiction to a non-psychotropic drug like crack-cocaine or speed. I still think they should stop using euphemisms, though, because the feelings are exactly like withdrawals, and it's because your body doesn't have the right level of the medication in your bloodstream. It's not addiction for recreation purpose, it's a reliance on a medication that is helpful and useful. Stop avoiding certain words because of their connotations, and just say what you mean!

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