26 April 2011

Versatile blogger but still a failure at life

So, today was one of those days with an up-down kind of trend. I woke up this morning to find that one of the bloggers I follow, Lauren, has put me on the list of bloggers to whom she gave the "Versatile Blogger" award (ZOMG I was so shocked and excited!!) in her blog written Sunday. That was enough to keep me going most of the day....I got an award!! Yay!!

With the award, I must reveal dirty secrets give some random facts about myself.

1) I was born without tonsils. I've also been told I don't have wisdom teeth.
2) I lived in more places the first 6 years of my life than in the most recent 17
3) I don't like Chinese food, Asian food in general, spicy food, the majority of seafood, the majority of vegetables, Mexican food, beans, most things that have milk in them (yogurt, milk alone, I'll tolerate milk chocolate, love cheese...), most types of soda, and ICE.
4) I miss my brother.
5) My mini-Christmas tree is still assembled on my desk
6) Up until Christmas, I still had a TV/VCR combo in my room, without an attached DVD player. Old school!!
7) My clothes never make it into my closet. They might get folded or put on a hanger, but they usually end up elsewhere on a chair or something.
8) I was near to flunking out of college for a couple years because of extenuating circumstances
9) I like Aeropostale because they were established in 1987, my birth year, so I can have my birth year all over my clothes
10) I am a bookaholic and should probably also receive help for my internet addiction....

That completes 2/3 requirements:

  • Requirement 1: Tell everyone who I received this award from (Lauren at The Blog You're About To Read)
  • Requirement 2: Tell everyone my dirty secrets random facts
  • Requirement 3: Pay it forward- give this award to seven others whom I think are totally frikken awesome & deserve it
So, my nominees are (I don't have many connections, so some of these might already have awards because they're so awesome, and if you're not included....I still love you). Because I read the blogs (blargs, in some cases) I love. But I'm limited to seven...:

  1. Ah, the Possiblities!
  2. Unladylike Behavior
  3. I'd like cheese on my entire family!
  4. Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Sock At A Time
  5. Mumstrosity
  6. Simply Kate
  7. Woogsworld
Alright, that makes seven. Now I shall bore you with the rest of my day, including my rage that ensued from my horrible presentation.

Well, actually, my internship was pretty much normal as far as incidents go. Aside from the tornado sirens that started as I was leaving town, the day was pretty much incident-free. I still hate that they're moving things around and changing some of the functions within the program, but I guess it's worth a shot, right? We also discussed summer plans and my schedule, just for planning purposes.

Then I went to school. Today was that presentation that counts for quite a percentage of my grade. Of all the students, I was THE ONE she called out (and cut my presentation short). I didn't get to finish. She said we were short on time. All the other presenters went without anything being said. I tried to show her that I had ONE SINGLE slide left, but she's probably going to count off for a) wanting to continue presenting, and b) the material that wasn't presented; because she didn't see it, she's going to assume it's not there, and I'll be extremely, perhaps overly, upset over it. I was crying trying to get her to listen to me, but she was cold-hearted and cruel, ignoring everything I said.

Honestly, I think she didn't like me from day one. I asked a lot of questions over the semester. I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing. I think that annoyed her. Argh. Now, when it comes time for grades, she's gonna be uber pissed, and probably mark off as many points as she can. And I'll do poorly in the class because of it. Thankfully, I don't have to have her class next semester, because she only teaches the first seminar. Unfortunately, her opinion will factor into my GPA and leave a big red pimple on the beauty that is my Social Work GPA. *scowl* and I worked so hard for that class!

Why is it that when I work hard for something, I end up failing? I don't get it. Reminds me of this song I used to listen to years ago with my then-best friend- Linkin' Park "In the End"
I tried so hard, and got so far
But in the end, it doesn't even matter
Sound about right? Yep. I've been working hard my entire university career. I worked hard at my jobs. I always work hard. I don't just sit off and observe, or do a halfway job. I put everything into the things that I do. And it hurts tremendously when I fail. I'm sure (or at least I hope) I'm not the only one like this. It just is painful to put so much of yourself into something only to fail.

Why must I fail? I guess that's the natural order of things. It's taken me six years to finish a four year degree. I've held 2 full-time jobs, a volunteer type job for a bit, and now an internship. I never stopped going to school, but for a while, I was tiptoeing the line toward being kicked out. I went to class and completed the assignments, but always fell short. Especially in the sciences and history/politics. I'm sure that would have been the case with English and Math too, had I been required to take them (I tested out in high school with the AP exams). It's hard to not get down on yourself when this is the kind of stuff you face.

I was class salutatorian in high school, and Ms. I-do-everything-under-the-sun. I was smart. Of course, I was hiding the fact that secretly, I wasn't happy with my life at all, I was doing as many things as I could to make it look like I was happy.

Then I went to college. I started failing things. I got less involved. I never made any (close) friends once we moved here whilst I was still in high school, and I haven't made any (close) college friends....just some acquaintances that seem to fall off the face of the planet once the semester I am taking a class with them ends. You know, those people you talk to, but once the semester is over, their number changes, or they stop responding to you? Yea, I've got a lot of those.

Anyway, I have an economics exam tomorrow, and a psych exam to type up tomorrow after I'm done studying, so....I guess this is it. All I have to say. See how interesting I am (not)? Auf weidersehen.

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