I wrote last week about velocity, and how it feels like time is flying.
Alas, while it seems like time is flying, it feels like the world is moving and shaking without me. Why?
Ever since I graduated from the university, I've been searching for jobs, working on my resumé, and trying to pull everything together for a successful future, but it feels like I'm not going anywhere, while the rest of the world is doing their thing, making their way, going about their business and leaving me behind. Why?
I feel less a part of the world than I ever have before. Why does it have to be this way?
In the past, during breaks and whatnot, I've held jobs, or done extra classes, or something that brings me into interaction with the outside. Now I'm just inside most of the time, with a rare interaction with the outside. These rare interactions are with the same few people. I'm watching the world go by, and it's quite lonely in my little pod, my little corner. Why?
Some might think, and I've been told "Oh, you're being pampered! It must be so much easier! Things must be great for you!" Why would it be this way?
They're not. It's not a great feeling to look around and see everyone's progress while you still have a lump of clay in front of you, completely unmolded, as though you haven't even begun to try, while all the while, you've been working with it, trying to make something that looks real, something that is functional, something that makes sense, something that you like and that you think will be satisfying. It's heartbreaking and difficult to know that you can't keep up with the world in motion, the world passing you by.
Hello world, I wish I could keep up with you....