Why, World?

I wrote last week about velocity, and how it feels like time is flying.

Alas, while it seems like time is flying, it feels like the world is moving and shaking without me. Why?

Ever since I graduated from the university, I've been searching for jobs, working on my resumé, and trying to pull everything together for a successful future, but it feels like I'm not going anywhere, while the rest of the world is doing their thing, making their way, going about their business and leaving me behind. Why?

I feel less a part of the world than I ever have before. Why does it have to be this way?

In the past, during breaks and whatnot, I've held jobs, or done extra classes, or something that brings me into interaction with the outside. Now I'm just inside most of the time, with a rare interaction with the outside. These rare interactions are with the same few people. I'm watching the world go by, and it's quite lonely in my little pod, my little corner. Why?

Some might think, and I've been told "Oh, you're being pampered! It must be so much easier! Things must be great for you!" Why would it be this way?

They're not. It's not a great feeling to look around and see everyone's progress while you still have a lump of clay in front of you, completely unmolded, as though you haven't even begun to try, while all the while, you've been working with it, trying to make something that looks real, something that is functional, something that makes sense, something that you like and that you think will be satisfying. It's heartbreaking and difficult to know that you can't keep up with the world in motion, the world passing you by.

Hello world, I wish I could keep up with you....

Locked Out

It was my junior year of college, and I was in the midst of taking several Social Work classes, one of them being an afternoon class. If you prod me as to which one, I will never remember...but it was a required one, I do remember that much...actually, all of them are required, so that's a moot point.

I attended my noon class as normal, and then I sat the break waiting for my 7pm Spanish class to begin. The class was a 2 hour class, and was held twice a week, as was my noon class, so I had a five hour break- enough to drop in and buy a snack for dinner and perhaps study some vocab on the way to the building which was quite a distance away. It had horrible parking, so I usually walked, then walked back to my car after class, seeing as the walking distance had multiple emergency boxes and was well-lit.

Because I didn't drive my car between my noon and 7pm classes, it didn't dawn upon me to reach in my purse and check for my keys before I left the building. Big mistake.

When I was leaving my 7pm class- at nearly 9pm, in the winter, so it was dark out- I reached in my purse for my keys. Not there. Ohhh shit. Maybe I clipped them to my bag? I have a carabiner clip, so this is entirely possible. I check my bag, but my keys are not there. I dump out the entire contents of my purse on my car. Surely, there must be a set of keys in there somewhere. I dig through it all. Nothing.

I shove everything back in my purse, throw my purse over my shoulder, and unarm my backpack. I search through the small front pocket. No such luck. A few pens and a few stray items like a bottle of lotion, some ibuprofen, a highlighter, some notecards. Great. I can't find my keys. I'm locked out of my car. It's dark out, I'm in a parking lot, at the university, people are leaving, I'm 35 miles from home, and I'm locked out of my car.

I empty the large compartment of my backpack. I find books and a notebook. A stray package of crackers. More notecards. A very crumpled piece of paper. No keys. Great. I decide to backtrack, back to the building where I was last- maybe I dropped them there. (Not thinking to maybe check the Social Work building, where I was parked, first)

I call my mom and tell her I'm locked out of my car in Arlington, and that I am backtracking to see if I can find them. She says she's on her way, very unhappily I might add, since she's driving 70 miles to drop off a set of keys, and I take off for Preston Hall basement, the location of my Spanish class.

Freezing, I make my way into the building, and nobody is there but the cleaning crew. They let me in after trying to communicate for about 5 minutes about what it is I'm trying to find, but nothing is there. I bid farewell, and back to the Social Work Complex I go. My mom hasn't arrived yet, so I trek to my 10am class- no luck there (surprisingly, the door was unlocked). I ran upstairs to my noon class- ah, it was Practice III- but the doors are locked, so I find a cleaning crew lady, and she lets me in, but no luck.

Finally my mom arrives, with my keys, and I drive home, racking my brains trying to figure out where the heck I left my keys. It had to be Social Work, because I remembered having them in the morning, but I didn't remember seeing them in Spanish class. I was very frustrated with this, so I drove the 35 miles the next day (why didn't I call?) to ask if they had any keys turned into the office the day before (at both buildings).

Voilá. My keys had been in the Social Work building, in the office, the whole time.

I was locked out of my car and my keys were right there, within feet of where I was. I felt really smart idiotic that day. Now I almost compulsively check for my keys. We live and we learn!

Day 3- Pet Peeves

Day 3- Your Top 5 Pet Peeves

Being the overachiever that I am (and the person with a lot of pet peeves) I'll go ahead and list....10.

1) Ice. Why do places always have to fill your drinks with expanded chunks of water, and furthermore, why do people like them so much that they ask for extra and/or chew on them? I'll never understand it. I have to ask for easy ice so I can actually get a substantial amount to drink, instead of a lot of expanded frozen water, and that annoys the heck out of me. Irk.

2) People who think they own the parking lot (and swoop in and grab the parking space you've been waiting for). Assholes...I'm sitting here with my blinker on, obviously waiting for the spot...and you take it? What's your problem? No, I don't have road rage, I'm Texan....

3) When the radio plays new things (particularly Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj, or Justin Bieber) ad nauseum. I get the point, they have a new song. Please stop stabbing my eardrums and actually play music, like you were meant to do. Really, it gets old, and it gets old fast.

4) When things break and the wait time for them to fix is longer than a week. Really, do you have to outsource it that far? Do you not have anyone in the state that knows how to fix a problem? What happened to all these technicians that are going to college?

5) Jobs making you go online to apply and not accepting applications any other way, or even phone calls. I mean, I know this makes it easier for them, and it even helps when looking for a place that has openings, but it really makes it difficult to find out what their first impression is of you other than what they see on a screen, and it makes it really makes it difficult to give a first impression other than your application- in fact, you have to make it to the interview to really make any sort of impression aside from having the qualifications.

6) Speaking of jobs and their processes- the character interviews. They don't really tell you much about a person's character anyway. Did you know there are books out there about how to answer those, and people that "leak" how the answers work? Your character interviews are an ineffective and tedious part of the process.

7) People who claim to know things they really don't know (I won't name names here). There are things that don't happen for the reason that you claim they happen. You have backwards thinking. There are things that don't operate the way you say they do. Things have changed a little. Your beliefs are flawed.

8) Speaking of beliefs, voting- people who vote for someone because of the way they look, or because of where they're from- and I know people who do this. "I don't want to vote for someone from the north" or "I don't want to vote for someone white" or "I don't want to vote for someone black" (I've seen it both ways). "I don't want to vote for a woman" or "I don't want to vote for that person because they have a messed up nose"...people, really, is this what matters? I know, I'm not into politics, and I don't vote, because in the end...it's these kind of people that win out, and in my county/locality, my vote doesn't make any difference. If you have a very large group of Republicans, and add in one person who votes (any other way) (I don't have a party), their vote isn't going to make any waves no matter what it is. They aren't going to change the people who are stubborn in their ways, which number many. Stop trying to convince me! And stop voting in stupid ways, and maybe I'll consider it!!

9) Food touching. I don't see how people can just mix all their food together. I must separate them and eat them one at a time. I don't know why, I just must. My parents say when I was young I would "scream bloody murder" when my foods touch. I would still do this, if it was acceptable. However, I know acceptable table (couch?) behavior, and I don't scream, I just try to separate them.

10) Judgmental people. I know it sounds like I'm judgmental sometimes, but I'm not going to love or hate a person based on any of these things. In fact, I can't think of anyone I love or hate. There are some people that grind my gears, but I have a feeling that if I had some time away, it would be less stressful. Even if I dislike someone, most of the time I don't know why, and I tolerate them- they rarely know. There has been one person that I've expressed my dislike to- that I'd rather jump a cliff than see her again- and yet I tolerated seeing her. She stated that I was a very tolerant person, and had I not told her, she probably would not have known that I had such a dislike. Bottom line? Don't judge people, and even if you do, you don't have to make it known to the world, you should still treat them like humans. Better to not judge them at all though. I'm human, I admit I've done it, but it's not a practice I participate in regularly.



I think I could add more, but people might start thinking I'm bitter and have too many pet peeves. They might even start avoiding me. I don't want that to happen! It's actually really difficult to get onto my bad side (oh, spammers aren't on my list, and they should be way up there too....). I'm fairly easy to get along with and accepting. There are people who annoy me >.> They usually know who they are and why, because they instigate it, or they don't know because they really haven't done anything wrong and it's just a quirk of mine, in which case, there's no reason for them to think they've done anything wrong.

Under Pressure

I feel the pressure. I may not look or act like it, but I'm under a lot of pressure right now, and I feel it.

The headaches, I believe, are something nose/sinus related. Ugh. I hope they go soon.

Back to the pressure. Undue, probably- it's my own doing. You see, the state timeline says in about four to six weeks after receiving your application, they contact you about sitting for the licensing exam. According to my bank account, they withdrew the money about four weeks ago, which means that's when they received my application. I'm in that window. Under those circumstances, that means they should be contacting me any day now about sitting for my licensing exam.

Under those circumstances, I'm placing myself under a lot of pressure, because that means the next step is the actual exam. The one where I answer the questions and whatnot. Under those circumstances, if they don't call me back, I might need to worry, because that means they might be not approving me for the license. Under those circumstances...um.

Undetermined outcome. Undesired outcome? Unsure of what might happen. Under-informed on what actually happens at this stage of licensure. Unusual to be this tense about what might happen? I'm nervous, very nervous. It doesn't help that my sleeping patterns are out of whack and that my head is killing me because of a probably nose/sinus related thingamabob that has my head feeling like an inflated balloon.

Uninformed that thingamabob is actually a word, according to Chrome, but licensure, which actually is a word, is underlined according to spell check. I'm appalled that Chrome is so misinformed about the English language. Google, where do you get your information? I would Google it, but that would be a redundant task and likely wouldn't give me any answers as to why thingamabob is considered a word, when it is slang, while licensure is not a word. *smh* Google, *smh*.

Randomosity 30 Days of Me- Perpetually Single

I have to say, I really liked the 30 days about me thing. It gave me something to write about sometimes when I was at a point where I didn't have much to write about, and at this point in my life, I'm finding a lot of that. This month, through some searching, I found another 30 days of me, on Randomosity Blog, so I'll be doing that one this month- but since this one is not restricted by day, I can start and finish when I want.

So, this month, I will start on Day 1. If there is a topic I don't want to post about, or that I feel uncomfortable posting about, of course, I will not post about it, as it is my freedom to choose what to post or not post about. Of course, now you'll be able to see what I choose to post or not post about. Well. That's fine I guess.

Day 1: My current relationship.

They start with a doozy. I'm single. I always have been single, unless you count the kid that went out with me on a dare in middle school, because the other kids didn't believe he would ask out such a dorky kid as myself. He broke up with me the next day. Confidence booster.

I was always the awkward one. It really was a downer to see everyone else going out with someone while I was always single. It is a downer to see my sister with boyfriends while I'm single (still). It's a downer to see my brother getting engaged while I'm (still) single. Both of them are younger. I'm proud of my brother, excited for him even, but I can't help but feel a little down about it.

I think, more than anything, I want for someone to care for me, unconditionally, but I've given up on that ever happening. I know, some people tell me they didn't have these things happen until they were older (late twenties, early 30s, maybe later), but I don't believe it'll ever happen for me. I just don't think I'm fit for it. Even so, I'm not ready for certain things in a relationship... there are things in my past that I can't forget. Things I tell nobody.

I'll never have a boyfriend. I don't even want one anymore. Maybe the caring of someone. The unconditional love. Someone to spend time with, and share things with. Nothing further. You can thank certain guys for that. There's a complete lack of will to go out with anyone, which is a complete buzzkill for a relationship- which will thereby kill any possibly relationships anyway.

Brand pessimist on my forehead...or just allow me to live single, because that's probably better anyway. My brother and sister- they'll have successful relationships. I'd like to call it realism...nobody has realistically looked my way for a real relationship- why would they do it in a year, two years, or five years? Thing is, it doesn't really bother me that much anymore- I've given to the perception of myself being single in the future, and it's really not all that bad. Not the best life, but not horrible. I can live with it.

Persistence

***Be sure to look out for my blogoversary post tomorrow!***

Everyone knows (or most people do) that if you're persistent enough, you usually get what you want.

Well, this headache is being very persistent. I don't know how else to surrender. It's keeping me from doing a lot of things. Boxes are remaining unpacked, and it's been almost a week since I got my stuff back in my room. I fell asleep before 11 last night (which is quite unlike me). I've been avoiding the internet like the plague. Even my phone has been, for the most part, neglected.

What else does this headache want from me? I'm not sure. I want to surrender. What do I give it? I don't have a white flag to wave. I'm sure I could make one, but what good would it do? I'm sure my head would just laugh. Actually, it might, just because it knows that laughing hurts.

I wrote out my blogoversary post, because I knew what I wanted to write. Luckily, I'm a touch-typer, and only have to look at the screen if I think I made an error. This saves me from staring at the screen, which means I can type things out and just read over them when I'm done. Otherwise, I haven't been online much.

Dear persistent headache:

What do you want from me? I've given you my time, my patience, and my sanity. There's not much else to give. I've fed you acetaminophen, ibuprofen, aspirin, naproxen, excedrin, and just about anything that exists to help a headache, and somehow you have survived it all. You even survived sleep. You are one tough sucker. I'm at a loss. I'm down to asking you what you want, because I don't know what else to do. Please, help me out, or go away soon.

Unwillfully yours,

Things I know: Break it down

Time for Things I know!!!

I know a lot of things this week!! Most of them are...well, from the past day or two. The most eventful two days of the past couple weeks since I finished school. Pitiful, I know.

Things have been broken down this week.

We broke everything in my room down, and we took it out to the garage, so that we could get the carpet in.

• I know that it's not easy moving a lot of crap at once
• I know that it's not easy to decide what you want to keep and what you don't want to keep
• I know that I don't like to wake up in the morning to 2 guys on the front porch while I'm still in my pajamas, and find out that they're here to install carpet...uh, you were supposed to call my dad and let him know the carpet came in. Thanks for the warning!
• I know that I love my new carpet. 
• I know that I don't want my dad to paint my walls any other color than blue.

You could say my car broke down in Arlington today- or you could just say it "wouldn't start" because the battery decided to go dead after I ran my errands at the university and whatnot. 

• I now know that people in Arlington will ignore you when you have your hood up on your car
• I know that people in Arlington will even deny you help if you ask for a jump when you know that your battery is dead on your car and all you need is a jump
• I know that it sucks sitting and watching people drive by while waiting for someone to agree to jump your car when it's 110F outside (that's 43C...and taken in the shade, not including heat index, yo)
• I know that I don't want to depend on the battery in my car right now because of today's incidents
• I know that I now have all my things in order for graduation, and not to depend on anyone for anything in Arlington!!!
• I know that it's still not going to get much cooler in Texas for a while--see picture below

And the forecast usually gets hotter as the day gets closer. No comfort in that 103 or 101. 

And that is what I know....this week. Oh, and did I mention I love my new carpet? Ahhh....

Oh, and one more thing I know!! And this shocked me!! A pair of jeans that I couldn't wear last month...now fits me! I wore them all day today, looked at them at dinner, and noticed that my everyday fit-me jeans stain wasn't there. I was like...wait, what jeans am I wearing?? OH MY these jeans didn't fit me before I NEED A PICTURE!!!!

So I took a picture. And put it online. Of course!

I know tomorrow, I will be going to get my ring size, so I can order my university class ring. Yay!! Really? *faint*

OK, I think that's it. 

Huzzah!

Day 23: Empty Room Vlog

Day 23: Something you love to watch on youtube (or better yet a youtube video of yourself)

Maybe-a-bag-over-my-head-would-have-been-better-vlog.

Phase just-before-they-put-the-new-carpet-in. I look like a complete fool, I sound awful, and I need to shed some pounds. By the way, I don't have a Texan accent. I have lived in Texas for 17 years, almost 18, did you know that? I'm 23, almost 24. Amazing, isn't it? (I actually have no idea what accent I have, aside from American, really. Plain? Boring? Yeah, really.)

I'm typing this while I'm waiting for the video to upload from my Evo, which has a much better video quality than my webcam ever will.

I apologize for my amateur video skills, but my video ended up sideways, and I had to edit it to make it vertical. So it looks strange, but here it is. Voila!



It's amazing, I really don't say much in my vlogs, but they tend to have really good traffic. I guess people like to laugh at the way I talk? =/ OK it's a little embarrassing, after watching myself talk, and I hate it, but it's the way I talk! *sigh*

My sister has one of my favorite high school teachers. He asked her on the first day of school how I was doing, even though he didn't talk really to any of the other students, and didn't ask how she was. I love him. He's awesome. She was a little embarrassed I think. She came home and told us about it over dinner yesterday though, and laughed, so it must not have been too bad.

It's weird to watch everyone go back to school, while I'm not. It's my first semester to not go back to school. I've been busy with my room, and I need to find out what the next step to licensure is. Apparently, Google Chrome doesn't think licensure is a word, but it is. The video is only half loaded. Wow. Either I type fast or the video is downloading slowly. It could be both.

It's still heatwaving here in Texas. Like over 100 degrees Fahrenheit every day since the beginning of June or so. It's almost September. WTF Mother Nature, don't you love us? We're now #2 for the number of days above 100 degrees in a single summer, and #2 for consecutive days- would have been #1 had it not been for a single day where we got a few clouds, and only reached 97. Mother Nature teased us. Tortured us, with the thought that we'd get a nice day....WRONG. Then she laughed and gave us more hundred degree days. We're second in both categories to the year 1980. I wasn't born yet. *faint*

Pulling up the carpet has kicked up so much dust that it's bothering my eyes and making me sneeze. At least I didn't sneeze during my vlog. I would have re-recorded it though. That's how I roll. It took 3 times to get it to where I didn't have as much of a double chin. I still have one, but I guess if I have one, I have one. Blah.

I love talking to people on twitter. I'm learning so many new things. I must have a macaron. Does someone have a good recipe? Send it to me at perpetuallyashley (at) gmail (dot) com. See how I avoid spammers?

Anyone who has made it this far, hats off to ya. That means you actually read the content of a blog. Some people don't, and they are starting to wear me thin. You know, the ones that leave drive-by comments "Found you on XYZ hop, would love it if you visited my blog at [blogname]" and possibly follow you but never return? I feel cheated. If they do come back, I feel comforted, but the ones that just follow because that's what the rules say, I don't like that.

88%. Almost there. If you want to check them out, I have 2 other vlogs. They are quite a while back in my archive, but they are pretty popular too, so you may be able to find them at the bottom of my page, below all the blog hop buttons. Genius me, I forgot the screen is supposed to go across, not up and down. Murphy's Law! I have to enter that after publishing as a tag if I do, because it has an apostrophe in it. Gotta love Blogger.....

Huzzah!!

So. Much. STUFF.

I'm still packing my room to move everything out to the garage so I can move it back to where it was later this week (after how long now??). Major suckage. And it doesn't look like I've done a darn thing.

Oh sure, I've done a lot of things, and the boxes and bags tell the story (I got sick of putting stuff in boxes...and ran out of boxes). I have a lot of stuff. When you live in a place for 9 years, you acquire a lot of stuff. It just builds up and builds up, and you really don't realize how much stuff you actually have. That is, until you try to put it in boxes.

Now I realize how much stuff I have. When I move it back in here, I know I'll be getting rid of some of the stuff but right now I don't have time to sort through the stuff. I hardly have time to sit and write this, but I needed a break from my stuff to do some stuff away from my stuff....y'know?

It's actually a really good thing I'm not moving, because transporting then sizing down on the stuff would be difficult. Then again, there comes a time in every person's life when they should be on their own...not to say that someone can't live with mommy and daddy forever, but it's probably not a good idea. I mean sure, the rates are great, but...it just doesn't seem healthy. Maybe for a while, and maybe it's better for some people to stay longer, but it needs to happen eventually, and not just because a person gets married. Moving on...

What does one do when they've acquired so much stuff and it's difficult to let go of it (aside from starring on the show Hoarders- it's not that bad yet)? The books, the movies, the papers, the pens, the knick-knacks, jewelry boxes, craft string, puzzle books, CDs, craft paint, nail polish, "other makeup," shoes (which I have quite the abundance of- but my feet haven't grown since I was 11, so they all fit), clothes, pillows, folders, notes, paycheck stubs (aren't you supposed to keep those?), on and on, it adds up!

Now I've got a room full of stuff and I just look at it like....WTF? You want me to move all this out? At first I thought I could do it. Now that I've worked on it for a while and seemingly gotten nowhere, it's like...you're kidding, right? I just want to fall down sobbing and surrender to the stuff because there's just. so. much. STUFF.

Huzzah!

Day 17: Being Insecure

Day 17: Your biggest insecurity & something you are proud of

My biggest insecurity...oh boy. I have a lot of...skeletons in my closet...but don't look in there, because there are no real skeletons in there (but I do have a good sized closet...wanna go hide in there and see? Just kidding ;) lol)

To be honest, I've never been happy with myself at all, and heaven only knows why. When I say that I really don't like anything about myself, people come out with compliments about how I'm smart, witty, a good writer (ha, yeah right), friendly, they can really dish it out. I might accept it, at the moment, but I never really believe it, even when I get awards. Even a university degree can't convince me that I'm intelligent- look how many other people are getting one, they even have to spread graduation over a week in winter, so that they can accommodate everyone. Insecurities? I've got a closet full of them. My looks, my intelligence, when am I going to fall apart? When am I going to lose it? Am I thin enough? Am I strong enough? I could go on all day. I don't think I can pick a "biggest" insecurity, because I'm just a very insecure person, and can always remember being insecure about something.

One thing that I'm proud of, though, is being able to work through those insecurities, though, and show that despite the fact that I am insecure, I can hold myself together and do a good job. I may not be the most confident person, but I can portray complete confidence, and do the job of a person who has the confidence that I don't. I can make it through, I can see my weaknesses, and work through them. I know what I need to do, when I need to do it, and how. It's being able to see those weaknesses and insecurities and working around them that has gotten me where I am, and for that, I am ever so grateful. Even that, I am insecure about, but I know that I do it. I can even use it as a learning experience to help other people who are insecure about themselves, to help them see that even though they have insecurities, they can still be successful and make it in life.

Huzzah!

Needs Improvement

EDIT: I said I would have a book review in this post. It WILL be in a post soon, I swear. I completely forgot until after this was posted, and now I don't have time to write it because now I have to get back to my paper.

If I were to write a progress report for July so far, I would write a failing grade. U for unsatisfactory. F for failing. GTFO. Needs much, much improvement. Who approved this?

The search I did for stuff for my assignment? I can't use what I found. I had to delete it all. There would have been repercussions if I hadn't. Now I'm out of state and can't access it. The most I can say is that it really sucks, and that I don't have any way to explain it to my professor other than "oops, I screwed up, and now I have nothing to show for it." Now we're in Missouri, and I have no access to the intranet at my agency. I have no way to *successfully* complete this assignment when I'm out of state and have no access to this empirical data. Fail.

Less than 12 hours after we leave, we get a call from our neighbor that there is water streaming out our garage down the driveway. We ask him to shut our water off, and my brother's girlfriend to drop by and tell us what's going on within. Come to find out, half the house is damaged.

Of course, the half the house that all my stuff is on. Always. The air conditioner that went out last month? Same half. The part of the carpet that was soaked because the ice maker broke? Same half. Now that half of the house is (from what we know) flooded. I honestly don't know what was on the floor, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not gonna be too happy when we return.

It's July 2nd. I didn't even get out of bed yesterday because....dammit, I didn't even feel like it. The whole day just friggen sucked. My grandparents had company today, so I went up and saw them. Lots of people, I got to hold a baby. I have now officially decided that I am not mommy material. I can look at them, and hold them, but once they let out a cry, it's all back to the mum. I'll pass my prime and then I'll have a really good excuse.

I've seen a few people that I haven't seen in years. Uncles, cousins, etc. Ate some. Wrote some on my paper. This is a break on writing my paper. I'm writing on my break from writing. >.< haha. I was gonna put some pics on facebook but I really don't feel like it right now.

It's funny, these people in Missouri saying it's hot out, and I go outside and I'm like "oh, it's so nice!"
They give me dirty looks
I can't help it, it's so much nicer than Texas.
But, they get ripped off at QT, because their drinks are 69 cents instead of 59. But I digress.
Here's to hoping the rest of July is better than the first two days have been. If the rest isn't better...this month is going to be hell.

Deuces, yo

Facepalm

I just thought today, it would be a little funny to look at some of the situations I've been caught in either in the distant or recent past; some of them built up a lot of anticipation only to realize...darnit, there's a catch. You know, that situation that you're like oooo, this is good, this is great, EXCELLENT..... oh wait, damn, this actually isn't as great as I thought. Yea, that's kind of what I wanted to look at. Those facepalm moments. Some of them I just threw in there that haven't happened to me, but I've seen them happen, and I really feel bad for the person they've happened to, but most of them have actually happened to me.

For those not speaking my language-

• Yay- excellent! A good thing has happened
• Facepalm- palm of hand meets face. That sucks.
• Double facepalm- both hands meet face. Shock and amazement at the suckishness.
• Headtable- drop your head on the table. That is amazingly horrible, and I really don't want it to happen.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not being pessimistic here, I'm just kind of looking at the ironic situations that sometimes make you look back and wonder how you fell for it. I know it's got negatives, but it's all in good fun. It also kind of helps to know you're not alone...we've all had these kind of situations where we just feel like...oh man, that sucks.....we all get stuck in situations like these sometimes. I'm just in a little bit of an irritated mood, so this is my backhanded note to the person I'm irritated at without actually writing to them. Enjoy!

Yay- Catching the things you want to buy while they're on sale!

Facepalm- Catching the things you want to buy while they're on sale, but you have no money, or they're out of stock.

Yay- The sun shining

Facepalm- The sun shining in your eyes driving down the highway when you're trying to see

Double Facepalm- You're driving in Texas (DFW to be specific)

Headtable- It's rush hour, you're downtown, and there's a wreck

Yay- Getting a coupon

Facepalm-The coupon expires within a few days

Double Facepalm- Getting a coupon that limits your purchases so much that it's pretty much useless anyway

Yay- Finding a coupon

Facepalm- Finding a coupon that has expired....recently.

Good- Finding something you thought you had lost

Facepalm- That something you find being messed up somehow

Double Facepalm- Finding out that it's beyond repair

Yay- It's raining! We need it.

Facepalm- It's raining! On your parade.

Double Facepalm- It's raining, hailing, thundering, and lightning, and you really did have plans

Headdesk- All of the above, and add tornadoes, subtract shelter.

Yay- Sleeping!

Facepalm- Sleeping when you're supposed to be doing something else

Double Facepalm- Sleeping when you're supposed to be doing something else, and it has a negative after-effect

Yay- Meeting with someone you've missed for a while

Facepalm- Finding out they didn't really care

Yay- Weekends

Facepalm- Weekends after a busy week, where you're forced to spend the weekend doing homework.

Yay- Jokes!

Facepalm- When you're the target of a bad joke (I was today :( it sucked, but I survived I guess)

Yay- Going for a drive

Facepalm- Going for a drive and getting lost

Double facepalm- Going for a drive, getting lost, then running low on gas

Headdesk- Going for a drive, getting lost, then running low on gas in the middle of nowhere, where you can't stop and ask for directions, fill up on gas, and your phone has bad reception, and there are no landmarks to even have someone help you get un-lost. [edit- head-steering wheel?]

I'm still laughing at myself for the last one, because that one really did happen to me. I went to Cleburne for something, I don't even remember what now, but I ended up not needing it. On the way back home, I was trying to take a road back home, but there was some construction going on, so I tried taking a different road, but the directions my mom gave me didn't make sense. I tried finding a different road I recognized, but after a while, buildings and roads gave to farmland. I had driven to Cleburne more than once that week, not realizing the one day had been a holiday, so I had forgotten my tank was low. That day, I looked down, and realized I was low.

I called my mom, but she wasn't near a computer and couldn't give me directions out there. I called my dad to see if he could pull up a map on the computer, but in all this farmland, there were no street signs, and most of the roads were CR (insert random number), posted on a teeny sign. I was panicking because my signal wasn't that great to begin with. It didn't help that my phone was dying and I hadn't yet gotten a working charger for the phone I currently have. I ended up being somewhere in Godley (some small ass town out in the middle of nowhere) but somehow navigated myself to a town closer to home. Thank goodness, because much longer in the country, and I would have deteriorated. I'm not a country girl. I was not made for the scent of cowpies and skunk.

Have any situations like this happen to you recently (or even not so recently)? Feel free to add them. I need a laugh, you need a laugh, we all do occasionally, right? These are my *facepalm* moments.

Innovation & deterioration

I can remember a time when our house only had one computer, and (gasp) one television, and we used landlines. I can even remember my first email account...I don't even know if the site still exists! My sister, on the other hand, 8 years my junior, probably can't remember Oregon Trail, floppy disks, and VHS tapes or cassettes. Such a huge change in our innovation- I wouldn't have been able to write this blog when I was her age, and I'm not even that old!

In this age of innovation, where I can post a blog from my iPod, I can't help but wonder what else will come along before I hit the generation age where I fear I will begin to lose my tech savvy. I mean, it's one thing to grow up with these innovations...it's another to have to learn them when everything inevitably upgrades. What's going to happen to me when they integrate Windows 2020 and I don't know how to use it. More specifically, for whom is all this 'innovation' beneficial? I mean, are they intending to phase out generations earlier and earlier? Am I going to be part of that trend?

Some of my colleagues (not all, though) don't even know how to use the current version of Microsoft Word. You know, since they change it so often. Will that be me soon? Was I born late enough in the trend to be able to adapt to the next innovations successfully? I certainly hope that with the number of changes they've made, I've learnt adaptability enough to adapt.

One thing I've noticed more, though, and I'm sure others have noticed too, is that with all this innovation...we're losing all the ties that make us human. Who goes out to chat anymore, or even talks on a phone? No, people these days text, write blogs (guilty), update their facebook, but so many more aren't. Want a pizza for dinner? When I was younger, you could get out the yellow pages before dinner, and order a delivery or pickup, and you'd use cash to pay usually. Now, you get online and design your pizza, tell em when you want it ready, and even pay online...in some cases, you can just use the Internet on your cell phone, and you can even pay online! Forget all the trouble of seeing people or talking to them or (Shock! Horror!) waiting. Are these kids gonna have any patience at all?what is going to happen to their communication skills when they don't really have to communicate face-to-face much? Will they miss it, even? I mean, after all, they did grow up with such innovations. I have trouble with friends, though, so it's a bit disheartening that going out isn't done much anymore...unless
you go to the bar for a drink or something. I'm not that type, though. And I'm not fond of the principle of online dating and/or friendships. It's just...less real to me. Will these kids ever have the same kind of relationships shared in past generations? Unfortunately, probably not. They'll facebook each other, but I doubt it will ever have the same meaning- even in my generation, with all the changes that have been made.

No longer do you have to speak to order a pizza. You can complete degrees and certifications online, conduct interviews, shop, play games, just about anything, even work from home, with your handheld devices these days. I'm actually reliant on mine, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm sure I'm not alone. I feel lost if I don't have a mobile contact with someone...how will I contact them? I don't have to wait until we're both by a landline, usually. And a lot of places are keeping their doors open later- I can completely avoid people and shop at 2am!! Or just shop online.

Will we see a decline in communication, human interaction, and ultimately in population? Will
Future generations even know the difference, besides from what they see on wikipedia? Now for some important research...I've been asked about the proper grammatical use of 'computer mouse' in the plural form, and my curious mind has to wonder...why is it a mouse? What's the history behind it? I can only hope that future gens will have the patience and curiosity to at least learn about things online, if that's how we have to do it. I just kind of wonder, though, if eventually technology will backfire and ultimately consume or obliterate the human race as we know it....

Sincerely, my strange new nickname Ashley Elle. :)

One Year, Today.

Update- Oddly enough, the post time happened to be 12:03 (12-03, date of the incident. *cringe*)


 Today is a trigger day for me. One year ago today, 12 March 2010, I was in a car wreck. I almost lost my license because the first responding cop suspected me as incapable of safely driving, and I had to go to the DMV and take a driving test, which was more than what I had to do to get my license in the first place. No tickets were issued, but my car was wrecked pretty bad (I lost use of it for a month waiting for repairs after those at the scene declared it totaled). I have to thank my mom and dad for fixing that for me. ♥♥♥


Sometimes, I still have nightmares where I see myself running into a late 2000s model Cherry Red Escalade. I still flinch when going through the intersection of Hillside and 731. I instinctively hit the brakes. I avoid it as much as possible. All in all, it's just a bad place for me, bad day for me, etc.


12 March is now a trigger day. I don't want to go anywhere near anything with wheels today. I'm scheduled to show up at my internship, although I'm not required to, and there will be no reprimand if I don't go. I'd get my new sunglasses today, but I'm so frightened by the thought of climbing into a car on 12 March. I definitely will not be drinking a strawberry limeade from Sonic, as I was soaked in strawberry limeade at the scene. Right before spring break.


In other news, the highlight of this year's spring break will be going to prison. Yes, prison. Ask me about it if you want. It won't be so bad.


I also have Bs in my TCC classes, and an A in my social work class (so far), and mostly positive feedback from the internship. I wear my game face well, I suppose. I just don't feel too good about it right now- early in the year is a bad time for me because a lot of things have happened during the first third of the year. Hopefully, things will improve soon. Until then, I'll just have to use the coping skills I've learnt through classes and counseling. 

Respect is expected

There's a phenomenon sweeping the world today, and it's not limited to any specific population. It's called a lack of respect. I bet almost every person reading this could think of at least one person they've disrespected. I can think of a few myself, but it's been of particular concern at my internship lately.

Understandably, it's difficult to respect someone that is not much older than you, especially if the person is unfortunate enough to look much younger. I've had to fight for respect, and I still don't get much of it- I just don't appear to be the authoritative or even assertive type, and it's easy to walk all over me.

Respect is something I strive to maintain, especially as a future social worker (6 months!!). It is a crucial standard in the NASW Code of Ethics, last revised in 2008.

Respect is not limited to age limitations; how often do you see people disrespecting the other gender because of past events? So many people are hellbent on degrading those of the other gender.

Then there are the issues of other types of discrimination, a core cause of disrespect, which often stems from ignorance (as in lack of knowledge), past experience, cultural bias, and media misrepresentation, to name a few factors.

What I find appalling is just how many people disrespect others openly and blatantly, yet demand that they be respected. I've started calling people sir and ma'am more often, doing things for others, and thanking people for even the smallest things. I think that everyone deserves some level of respect, even if they don't respect you. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and be the stronger person. It may not seem desirable, but giving respect is one of the leading factors in whether someone respects you or not. Sometimes, the person may misinterpret your respectful acts, but that doesn't mean you should stop respecting them. It just means that you may have to work on your approach.

Judgement often leads to issues with respect- if a person has an undesirable trait in an onlooker's eyes, that can often guide them into disrespect that is undeserved. So many people lack respect these days. I challenge each reader of this to take the opportunity to approach someone you've been disrespectful to, apologise, and do something respectful for that person, no matter how small. Hell, apologise to all of them and clear your conscious. After all, we all want to be respected, so we have to show a level of respect that is appropriate and reasonable if we want to be respect.

In my time as an intern, the lack of respect is one of the major problems that I've discovered, and we even held a group in residential on the topic of respect; after all, it is something people will use in all walks of life. Jobs, relationships, any interactions at all, are all opportunities to show respect and value the dignity and worth of the other person, another standard in the guidelines for social workers to follow. No person is undeserving of respect, and this is something that has become increasingly neglected in the values we are passing on to the next generation. Take a moment to think on this, process it, and change your actions.

Auf weidersehen and deuces yo.