Are You OK? Part 5

In Australia, it's RUOK Day. If we were to adopt it here in America, we'd have one day left. I'm going to pretend as though it were adopted here, and post straight through.

Making that Conversation

What if  you're not okay? What if you're on edge yourself, or you've just had some kind of crisis yourself that you don't know how to deal with?

Well, because part of RUOK Day is creating conversations, an approach I might take, having been an in a situation where I was the one not okay, I would first ask the person if they were okay- if so, then if we could sit down and have a chat.

Of course, I would approach someone I trusted, rather than a random person in this situation, but it's important to make sure that you're taken care of too. It's difficult to help someone else when you're in a bad place yourself, and it's definitely not healthy.

Of course, if in this situation, you see someone that may need some talkin' to, some loving, some one-on-one, you may ask them if they're doing alright, then emphasize the importance of finding someone to talk to about what's going on with them. After all, you're not a shrink-or, well, probably not, I can't speak for the whole population-and some of these situations require further conversations anyway. Just seeing that someone noticed them may make a difference.

There are wrong ways to go about this, though. It would be wrong to walk up to a person, ask if they're ok, then as soon as they say no, tell them "you should talk to someone about that"....wrong, indeed. You can talk to someone, and you can listen to a certain extent, but you have to be careful and know your limits. If they start talking about a sensitive topic, you can tell them "hey mate, I'm going through a rough time too, and I want you to know that I'm here for you, but this is a sensitive topic for me too right now, but I'd like for you to talk to someone about it."

Just as with every topic, there is a sensitive and insensitive approach to every facet. You don't want to approach a vulnerable person in an insensitive fashion, but you do want to make sure that they're noticed and taken care of, understandably. It's okay to tell them that you're not okay too, and that you'd like for them to see someone about it- in a nice way.

Most of all, on RUOK Day, make sure you're taking care of yourself first- if you need to see someone, and haven't made that appointment yet, perhaps consider doing so. If you've not considered it, think about what might help you. If you're not sure you're okay, maybe find a mate and talk to them about what's going on with you. You don't always have to wait for them to ask if you're okay- sometimes it's good to start a conversation yourself. Make sure your needs are taken care of, and that you'll be able to handle everything you take on.

Australians, I hope that you are all having a wonderful RUOK Day, and that many conversations are happening and going well. I want to hear all about it.

Write on Wednesday- The Pact

When the prompt came up, and had to do with a book, I had a hard time choosing a "favourite book" so I scanned my shelves- then I thought about the cause I've been going for all week- RUOK Day- suicide prevention.

The title of this week's "Write on Wednesday" is "The Mighty Mighty Rewrite" and the premise is to take the first sentence of your favourite (ha, favourite??) book, and take the first paragraph, rewriting into it our own content but keeping the overall style of the paragraph. Um, ok...very challenging Gill. I think they are trying to make it all the more challenging each week!!

Jodi Picoult is one of my favourite authors, I will admit. She has a way of keeping the plot and characters intertwined in a way that keeps the reader engrossed, trying to guess which direction the plot will take, and the book I chose, "The Pact," has a very unexpected ending. It starts out with what is described as a suicide pact...without further adieu:

"There was nothing left to say. He covered her body with his, and as she put her arms around him she could picture him in all his incarnations: age five, and still blond; age eleven, sprouting; age thirteen, with the hands of a man. The moon rolled, sloe-eyed in the night sky; and she breathed in the sent of his skin. "I love you," she said. He kissed her so gently she wondered if she had imagined it. She pulled back slightly, to look into his eyes. And then there was a shot."

Deep. Dark. Powerful. Seeing as I know the ending as well, as well as all the guts of the book. Now for the more challenging part- capturing this with my own content yet keeping the style and whatnot. Would it be wrong to change the plot a little? I hope not...because that's exactly what I'm going to do!!

"He was speechless as he stared deep into her sea-blue eyes. They were lying together on the carousel, entangled with each other, and could envision each other through every stage in their past- running together through the fields at five, she taller than him at twelve but finally shorter at thirteen, growing into their relationship that they carried now. The full moon rolled in the sky, behind the forest trees, and they could feel each others' breath in the cold night air. They closed their eyes as they kissed, both their hands on the gun, both questioning the decision, feeling the softness of the kiss in contrast to the steel of the gun, when they heard voices coming their direction, and quickly hid the gun. Would they do this another night, or was this just not meant to be? They caught a quick glance from each other, quickly moving to the swings, holding hands the whole way along, whispering "I love you too much" before each taking a seat."

Is it wrong to feel wrong changing Jodi Picoult's awesome writing? It completely ruins the plot of the story- after all, the deed isn't done. But- I don't want them doing it. The exercise is to change the content- I certainly did so!! I wonder what Jodi would do with this beginning!!

It's also a very fitting change, with the upcoming "RUOK Day" in Australia- I'm not Australian, but I'm an advocate, and I think it should be a worldwide thing, not just in Australia. Americans just aren't aware of what's going on around them- Probably 99% aren't even "aware" that last week was "Suicide Awareness Week"....what kind of awareness initiative is that? If you haven't been following, I have tagged all my RUOK posts as such. *Shameless Self-Promotion*

I hope this is *sort of* what the goal was. Or at least close to it.

Write on Wednesday Exercise 14 - The Mighty Mighty Rewrite...

Zanni: I did a workshop with literary author Mj Hyland, who teachers Masters in Creative Writing at Manchester University. She asked us to choose our favourite book, take the first paragraph and then write our own content into the paragraph, keeping the structure, tone, language etc. It's really helpful!

Are You OK? Part Cuatro

What do you do if someone's not ok?

So you do strike up that conversation on RUOK Day...but someone isn't ok.

Well, one thing you can do is talk to them, and find out what's bothering them. Maybe they're just not feeling OK, maybe they just need someone to talk to. After all, sometimes we all just need to talk a little, right? The day is about suicide prevention, but suicide prevention can start with working on mental illness itself- after all, according to the American National Institute on Mental Health, over 90% (yes, you read that right, and I highlighted it with large font for a reason) of suicides have a precursor of mental illness or substance abuse.

This means that the suicides that we're trying to prevent- bravo!- often follow along with mental illness and substance abuse. While asking a person if they're doing okay can prevent suicide, it can also bring a person out of a rut, or perhaps target those with mental health or substance abuse disorders that haven't been brought out of the background yet- however, a number of exactly how many people are walking around undiagnosed with a mental illness cannot be found...because they are undiagnosed....ie not on record.

RUOK Day is great for this- it can help bring these people to realize- hey wait, maybe there is a problem. It can help them to realize it's okay to have an issue, and it's okay to have a conversation about it! It can help to possibly bring them out of a rut and into the world, where they may actually seek help for their disorder, or the conversation itself may include encouragement to seek help (hopefully the latter, if they are that far off).

RUOK Day gives a chance for people who are undiagnosed and living behind the scenes to be themselves and discuss their problems without the stigma of being "ill" or "crazy". It's often the misconception of the people who refuse to seek treatment that this is the kind of label they will receive- having talked to some of them myself- and therefore they refuse medication or treatment.

Initiatives like this help them to realize that having a mental illness is not something that is all that uncommon, and will not prevent them from living a full and possibly even happy life. They can help people, they can work jobs, they can go places and not be recognized for what's going on in their heads- they just have to allow themselves to realize that what's going on is not their fault. It's wonderful that Australia not only encourages their citizens to go out and engage in conversations, but creates an entire day and promotes it nationwide, even having companies and schools set aside times for citizens to sit down and ask people if they are doing okay, and catch up with people who might not be doing so okay.

This is an excellent way to catch out people who may be dealing with a mental illness early on and get them the help they need, whether they seek it or need help seeking it, and is also a great initiative for getting people to help others and reach out when a friend is in need. I've noticed that Australia is a very caring country, and how well people bond together when there is a need or disaster- they are there for each other- there is no blaming or people pushing others out. People simply jump in and help one another.

This is simply one example of how well Australians do that- citizens are jumping in and helping one another, crisis or not, asking people if they are doing okay, helping them if they need help, encouraging them to seek help if they can, all in an effort to decrease suicide and help relieve mental illness, a large factor of suicide, in the country. One conversation can do something like that. It's amazing what one conversation can do.

Are You OK? Part Drei

Are You OK?

Don't let the answer be the end of the conversation.

This Australian cause is more than just going around and asking random people if they are ok. It is about sparking conversation, and talking about things that matter. It is about talking about the things that affect lives every day- mental illness and suicide- things that are normally brushed under the rug.

Of course, "Are you OK?" is an easy way to start such a conversation, but it certainly isn't the end. People are encouraged to stay and talk with their friends, colleagues, family members, and discuss things that are going on, and things that are troubling them. As mentioned in an earlier blog, this cause last year alone sparked 65,000 conversations- a number pulled from the RUOK Day website, which you can link to from the top of my page this month, and it is also under my "Causes" tab.

These things- mental illness and suicide- are not things that people will often approach you to talk about- often you will have to approach them and ask them how they are doing, build a bond if there is not already one, and ensure faith and confidence. This day helps to pull people from the woodworks- people whom everyone else normally wouldn't talk to- and help them out a bit. It would be nice if people would talk to these sort of people every sort of day, but this is a baby step in that direction.

What this day encourages is friendly conversation, more than just a simple hello. Some people get little more than a hello on a daily basis, and it's quite sad- sometimes this alone can drive depression and other mental illnesses. Engaging in friendly conversation is a healthy and vital part of a person's social life. Reaching out to others who might not have this in their life will help to enhance their life, and quite possibly save them.

This is not just a problem in Australia. Worldwide, there are people who are isolating- some people stay alone for the majority of their day- caregivers, people with social anxiety or agoraphobia, people with disabilities- they have trouble getting out. For me, it would be encouraging to see people not only reach out to those that they see sitting outside or at work, but maybe ring a friend, or a family member that they know doesn't get out much, and ask them how they're doing, have a decent conversation with them, and possibly be their lifeline. You may be the only person they have had a meaningful conversation with in months.

If you can keep up this sort of habit, that would be even better. Perhaps phone once or twice a week, check in on a caregiver or someone who has social anxiety, see if they've done anything, who they've talked to, or even what shows they've watched on TV, how they're feeling, what other kinds of things they've done, what they're interested in doing, etc. Reaching out to someone isn't limited to one day a year, but it's a great place to start.

And reaching out to someone isn't limited to the words "Are you Okay?" These words are just a way to start a meaningful conversation- other words can be used too- "Hey, how's it going?", "Hey, haven't seen you in a while!", "Hey, what have you been up to?"- these are all conversations that could spark conversations. The conversation is just as important as the start. If you leave someone with just the "Are you okay?" and a bleak, meaningless "yeah, I guess"...then you haven't really done much. Question into it, or ask what's troubling them, and you might find more. They might actually appreciate having someone ask about it. Don't push, but let them talk.

Often I find that someone will pass with "Hey, how are you?" and I'll say "OK, I guess" but by the time I've answered, they're already out of earshot. What good has that done? The initiative isn't to just ask a question- the initiative is to make a difference. So go out there, make a difference, ask questions, and engage. You might learn new things, change a day, or change a life. The important thing is, you'll make a difference.

Are you OK? Part Deuce

RUOK Day- Going unnoticed

I know I've been having a hard time as of late. A few people have been kind enough to ask me if I'm ok, and it's been really helpful. It's been really an example of how helpful RUOK Day can be, even though it's not quite RUOK Day yet.

Before I get too far, I want to thank the people who have been asking me how things are going. You never know how far just a small conversation can go, or how much of a difference it can make. I just wanted to interject that, before I go any further.

You see, I don't have many people to talk to. I don't know if many of you have noticed, but there are some days where I post several times, and there are some days where I don't post at all. There are some days where I'm more OK than others. I think this is true for all of us. We all have our up and down days, some more than others, and if some of you have read some of my posts, you'll know what I'm talking about when I say I have a lot of down days, especially recently.

The thing is, RUOK Day only covers one calendar day out of the year. What if we were all to ask "Are you OK?" every once in a while, or even just sit down and have lunch with someone sitting alone, not even asking if they're ok, and strike a conversation? What if we were to make this more than an initiative, but a habit? You see, people don't just have a bad day on September 15th. People don't just think of suicide, the targeted initiative of RUOK day, one day out of the year.

Yes, it's good to target an initiative, but it's also nice to realize that there are a lot of people who need friends and company, and perhaps just an "are you okay?" more than one day out of the year. Don't get me wrong, I love the initiative, and I'd love to keep the initiative and spread it to the US. There aren't enough people aware of the rising problems in the states or elsewhere in the world. I think it should be more than Australian- I think the WHO (World Health Organization) should take note!

But when you see or notice someone that has begun posting less than usual, someone whose Twitter account hasn't been posted on for two days when they usually post every day, someone sitting alone at a table, someone with a solemn or lonely look, I think it would be a grand idea to at least approach them and say hello. My Twitter account has gone unposted for days when I'm feeling down and unwanted- not because I'm busy, but because I'm down. All too often I'm alone all day, and a simple hello would be a spark for me. I'd feel appreciated. I'd feel noticed. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Sure, sometimes people take breaks, and that's ok, but sometimes, people don't take breaks just because they need one. Check in on your friends, see if they're doing ok.

Sometimes, people do feel unnoticed. Sometimes, that's all it takes, feeling unnoticed and unwanted. It's very easy to be pushed over the edge when you feel like nobody wants you around. The world is empty, and nobody wants you there. Nobody cares to say hi, or ask if you're okay. The idea of RUOK Day is not just to raise awareness that suicide and mental illness exists, but to help prevent it, and I have hopes that the actions taken on RUOK day will extend beyond that day.

After all, it's not just one day a year that these things touch the lives of people in Australia (or the US, or any other part of the world). Some days, whether it's September, November, February, May, or July, I just wish someone would tell me hello, or ask how my day is going, without having a global initiative telling them to do so. We're humans, and we're made to be social creatures. We should be aware of this on more than one day out of the year. We're humans, and we should be communicating with each other as much as we can, especially when we see that someone is down and needs a lift.

So if you see someone whose account has been abandoned without explanation for a few days, or whose blog is a bit more sparse than usual, if you see someone standing alone looking lonely, or sitting alone at a table, perhaps ask how they're doing or just say hello. It doesn't have to be a conversation even- after all, they may just be waiting- but if they need someone, you may be the person that comes along and makes a change in their day. That's what this initiative is all about. We can change, and save, lives.

Are You OK?

Are you OK?

Americans, how often do you hear this phrase? You pretty much hear it when your life is crashing down, and it pretty much looks like your not okay, so the question is pretty much a moot point, right?

In Australia, they have an amazing initiative, which I wish America would at least take note of, called "RUOK Day." On this day, September 15, workers, university students, and high school students alike, as well as just about anyone else, are encouraged to ask colleagues, friends, and neighbors, and just about anyone else they know "Are you okay?"

The great thing is, it's not like our "awareness weeks"....where nobody is aware of them. I mean, how many people were aware that this week was National Suicide Prevention Awareness Week? I was, but I didn't plug it because I wanted to plug this cause instead. Why? Because RUOK day is a much more aware, nationwide cause. People are talking about it on blogs, forums, in newspapers, on the news, and everywhere. I've seen it ad nauseum, and I'm not even in Australia- they even have a website for it- click here to see what I'm talking about.

The point is, these Aussies know that suicide is a noteworthy cause that should be looked out for- it's not something that is outwardly obvious, as some of us have experienced and seen. I've lost someone myself- she showed no outward signs. One day she was fine, the next, I hear she hung herself. Corky lost a good friend to suicide when he was 13- Thirteen people!! What if someone had asked them "Are you OK?"

But Americans don't do that. Americans don't have that level of awareness. They establish weeks, and assume that people who know someone related to the cause will wise up, and those who don't really need it won't care- therefore it becomes less of a cause. RUOK day is an excellent cause, and, according to the RUOK day website, created over 650,000 conversations- people who would not otherwise have gone to someone to talk about what was troubling them.

Sadly, so many people commit suicide because they have nobody to talk to in those dark times of need, and RUOK day is just one initiative to show that someone out there cares. It's not a superficial "Are you OK" in passing, but a real "Are you OK? Let's have a conversation." Americans don't do that. Americans are too caught up in their everyday lives, and unaware of initiatives or causes to stop and have a slow conversation. It's sad and appalling, the difference in cultures.

How many suicides could be prevented by the adoption in America of an RUOK day or similar initiative? How many lives could be saved? How many lives could be changed? (after all, it helps with mental illness, too). How many friendships could be forged, and how many gates opened for communication? America, I know we're caught up in a lot of issues, but we need to stop and think about other individuals too. What can we do for ourselves, what can we do for them, how can we help? Something like this could create a buzz, and that's just the kind of thing we need.

I know many of the people reading this are Aussies who will participate or be swept up in the day itself anyway, but this is addressed to the Americans who aren't- I'd like you to participate, with the Aussies, on RUOK day (that would be this next Thursday, September 15), sit down, and speak with your friends, ask them how they are, check in, and make sure everything is ok. Sure, on the outside, everything may seem ok, but often people put on a façade in front of everyone- one on one is best. Have a cup of coffee, have a lunch break. Set aside your newspaper and talk to the guy who sits alone in the corner- you may be the only person he talks to all week.

Americans, we are too divided from one another, and too unaware of the initiatives going on around us. Mental health is something that really needs to be focused on, because a large portion of society has a mental illness- last I checked, a good 6 percent- and suicide is one of the top 5 leading causes of death in America. This is serious. Check in, talk to people, have a conversation- it won't take that much time out of your day- and be sincere about it. I'd honestly like to see this go farther than the reaches of my readers. I'd like to see it spread across the country (broad, for a weeks' notice), or at least make some sort of impact. If it does have an impact, or if someone has a story, I want to hear it. I'll have a linkyer up in two weeks, right next to my *new* blog hop- for RUOK day stories. I'm serious about this.

Are you OK? Are you being honest?

I'm not really OK, but I'm hanging in there. I will be ok, but it would be nice if someone in real life took the time of day to ask about it. Nobody has. Good on you, Australia, not only for making it an initiative, but for having a well-publicized initiative that people know about and participate in. One more reason to love Australia

Randomosity 30 Days of Me- Perpetually Single

I have to say, I really liked the 30 days about me thing. It gave me something to write about sometimes when I was at a point where I didn't have much to write about, and at this point in my life, I'm finding a lot of that. This month, through some searching, I found another 30 days of me, on Randomosity Blog, so I'll be doing that one this month- but since this one is not restricted by day, I can start and finish when I want.

So, this month, I will start on Day 1. If there is a topic I don't want to post about, or that I feel uncomfortable posting about, of course, I will not post about it, as it is my freedom to choose what to post or not post about. Of course, now you'll be able to see what I choose to post or not post about. Well. That's fine I guess.

Day 1: My current relationship.

They start with a doozy. I'm single. I always have been single, unless you count the kid that went out with me on a dare in middle school, because the other kids didn't believe he would ask out such a dorky kid as myself. He broke up with me the next day. Confidence booster.

I was always the awkward one. It really was a downer to see everyone else going out with someone while I was always single. It is a downer to see my sister with boyfriends while I'm single (still). It's a downer to see my brother getting engaged while I'm (still) single. Both of them are younger. I'm proud of my brother, excited for him even, but I can't help but feel a little down about it.

I think, more than anything, I want for someone to care for me, unconditionally, but I've given up on that ever happening. I know, some people tell me they didn't have these things happen until they were older (late twenties, early 30s, maybe later), but I don't believe it'll ever happen for me. I just don't think I'm fit for it. Even so, I'm not ready for certain things in a relationship... there are things in my past that I can't forget. Things I tell nobody.

I'll never have a boyfriend. I don't even want one anymore. Maybe the caring of someone. The unconditional love. Someone to spend time with, and share things with. Nothing further. You can thank certain guys for that. There's a complete lack of will to go out with anyone, which is a complete buzzkill for a relationship- which will thereby kill any possibly relationships anyway.

Brand pessimist on my forehead...or just allow me to live single, because that's probably better anyway. My brother and sister- they'll have successful relationships. I'd like to call it realism...nobody has realistically looked my way for a real relationship- why would they do it in a year, two years, or five years? Thing is, it doesn't really bother me that much anymore- I've given to the perception of myself being single in the future, and it's really not all that bad. Not the best life, but not horrible. I can live with it.

Been there, done that

It's good to have some friends on your side, but what happens when those friends use your trust in them as a weapon against you? It becomes hard to trust people. I have a particular problem with trusting people, especially recently, for certain my own reasons. Who do you turn to when you're having trust problems? I really don't know. I've gained and lost so many friends that I may as well be a hermit have lost faith in humanity kind of feel lonely. 

I know that in the past, I've had people I could confide in, and I also know that there are a few people who wish I would confide in them...alas, I can't. Trust issues linger. I've got some things going on in my life that are really screwing things up bringing me down. It sucks to be alone in this type of situation, but really, who is there to talk to when you have trouble trusting people? Heck, the majority of the stuff that I need to talk about isn't worth mentioning hides in the dark corners of my mind. 

Being a (future) social worker, I know that this stuff is important. I've been through these classes (now, but I didn't know what it was all about when things started to get bad at first- 

• note- freshman psychology doesn't teach you about this stuff- they spend one week on an overview of mental health stuff, the rest on the biology and crap which is incredibly boring... fascinating, but not what I'm into. I also took that class when I was 17. Thus, nothing mentioned was "learned" in that class that pertains to me. 

*puts away soapbox*

I know there are "people" to talk to....but I don't quite trust them either. Even though I should. Even though I hope to will be one of them. (Positive thinking, positive thinking!)

I still face the I-don't-know-who-to-talk-to syndrome though. Mainly because of my future occupation- I don't want what's going on with me to affect my internship or job status at all. 

I'm not happy with myself. I need to lose like 80lb right now. I'm not quite shaped right. My feet are small (but that's ok). My hair is annoying. My nose looks funny. I'm annoying. I'm have less mental acuity than I once had (and I'm not quite old yet). I really suck at science and business stuff, and anything else I might find that's boring. I have few to no social skills, although I can share how to acquire social skills with other people. I'm too stressed all the time. I want to clean everything out of my room and start over. I miss who I was in high school, because I was good at things then. I'm alone, and I've always been single. (Yes, that means I've never had a real boyfriend)

Why do I say real? There was a guy when I was in 8th grade, I would have been 12 at the time, who asked me out....on a dare. Then broke up with me the next day because he actually didn't like me. That....is not a real boyfriend. That is someone who was being a jackass in front of his friends, typical for a kid that age, but still hurtful.

No, I'm not always funny or happy. Like now. I handle it. I don't know how. I've been told if there was a market for making people feel helpless, I would be able to create hefty earnings in that area. It's not my intention. Maybe that's why so many push away. So, maybe I don't handle it effectively, but I put on a good front (for the most part). I'm also learning a lot about myself and other people going through this process. 

Honestly, I think that some of the things I have been through (some of which will never be mentioned here- sorry guys- will truly help me in my future if when I get my Masters' degree I start working with people. It makes it easier to relate to someone if you know what's going on. So I'm taking on a client (under supervision, of course) to see how well this theory floats. Honestly, if I was talking to someone, I would want it to be someone who actually has been through the situation before, rather than just reading it in a book. After all, you wouldn't want someone who has never left the United States tell you how to navigate the streets of London, would you? (not the best analogy, but it fits, I guess). Hopefully, the people I talk to will be able to trust me, although I'll definitely understand if they have trust issues. That's the one thing about going into this field- a lot of the knowledge base I have is "been there, done that," which I think is a good thing.At least I hope it is.

Here's to hoping things get better....