Things I know- A Month Away

It hasn't been that long, has it? Oh yes, it has. Here's what I know:

• Time...goes by....so slowwwwly....(imagine me singing "Unchained Melody")
• I absolutely hate applying for jobs, especially those character parts of the application that are 50 pages long with 5 questions per page (online) and often ask redundant questions
• A little time away can do a lot of good for your thoughts, and can help spark ideas
• October and pollen are evil, and every year, they attack me and my sinuses. Argh! This is part of the reason I've not been around. Allergies >> Sinus pressure >> headaches >> not wanting to type a lot/think a lot/do a lot.
• Being in the sort of state above makes me look lazy
• My résumé sucks, and probably will for quite a while
• Taking the exam to be a social worker is extremely expensive
• The Rangers better play a better game tomorrow night, or I will be extremely unhappy.

I've jumped on the bandwagon a little bit early with these posts because they're simpler than some of the others, and have a sort of outline which I can follow. I've got a headache right now which is enough to tell me that I am going to stop now, finish facebooking and twitter, perhaps play a few games on my phone, and go to bed. I might make a "Grateful For" post tomorrow, because I already know what I want that one to be about. For now, deuces.

Huzzah!

Wordless Wednesday

Is never completely wordless...

On TV, sock monkey can drive. I made my dad rewind the DVR so I could take pictures of sock monkey driving. Surfing too.

This is not from TV, or sock monkey's car, this is a reading from a vehicle in Texas. A sign that we need winter (or something other than summer)...for those reading Celsius, that's 49.4C. No joke.

Day before my final final (which I rocked- 95%!! I got an A in psychology...HUZZAH!)...Above my shoulder, the shelf that recently attacked me.

Picture from yesteryear. Graduation 2005 (High school)

Inspiration

Beautiful Butterfly I have hanging on my wall. Originally an ornament, but bigger than my mini-tree.

This is how I got through to where I am today. Perseverance...and there certainly is a lot of glory in overcoming great obstacles. You better believe it.

Work it off

There are some days where you just don't have time in your schedule to do anything. I've been having them lately. You know, the ones where if you don't schedule a bathroom break or a minute to take a drink, you don't get one? Yea, that's what things have been like.

June calendar in Outlook- programmed too only show 3 things a day, otherwise you'd be stunned.

Don't get me wrong, I like to be busy and have things to do, but when things get too busy, sometimes things get neglected. Yesterday I realized at midnight that I hadn't eaten. Midnight. Whoops. When was my last written blog? Oh yea, I have a blog. Sorry to those of you whom I've neglected, I have a mini-weekend coming up soon (by mini-weekend, I mean I'll be writing a couple papers on Sunday, and I might have time to glance at the computer).

My project Tuesday went alright I suppose. Did you know I had a project Tuesday? You might or might not have. I don't know, because I don't know if I have written about it, because I've been so busy. The presentation was the most difficult part. I'm not all that great at communicating with people, especially when it's a lot of people. Especially when all their eyes are on me. I started crying. I have horrible presentation skills. Yes, last semester of college and I still cry during presentations. It was just a little. Don't hate.

This actually took a lot of time because it had to be perfect. Finished project.

I'm wearing my favorite shirt today. it's really shiny, and every time I wear it, people are like "woah, your shirt is really...........then they trail off. I fill in the blank and say "bright? shiny? I get it all the time dude. No big deal." They get embarrassed. It's funny, but it is my favorite shirt for other reasons, mainly because I actually like it. Yea, I actually like it.

Yes, I need to lose weight, I'm sorry.

Anyway, so I've been basically working my ass off for my internship because I need to have a lot of hours done before we hop, skip, and jump to St. Louis for a week, because when we come back, I have another class that I start, and my hours will be significantly cut. I've had someone also suggest an idea that might get me a job, but I don't know if I'll have the time for it. I don't know if the opening will be available after summer. I don't know what I'll be able to do yet. But, for right now, I'm working for free six days a week to get most of my hours done so that I'm not quite as stressed out when the last 5 weeks comes.

After that, I'll be ready to graduate. Ready to grab that degree and run like the wind. I will be so done. SO done. YAY!!! =D

Deuces, yo

Not broken

We often associate breaking with bad things.

Breaking glass, breaking toys, breaking windows. Cars break down, computers break, phones break. People break promises, laws, fingernails, and contracts. Hearts are broken, bones are broken, laws are broken, trust is broken. Houses are broken into, and families and even lives are broken.

But is breaking always a bad thing?

We never want to break a dollar, but it gives us a lot of change for later. Records are broken, fevers are broken; people break in shoes, and people break news. People take lunch breaks, work breaks, Spring Breaks, holiday breaks, and study breaks. Day breaks and twilight (not the book) breaks. Waves break on the ocean shore, someone else breaks an awkward silence, people make breakthroughs in science, math, history, english, breakthroughs that lead us to where we are today, breakthroughs that make the world a better place in which to live.

There are things that can make or break us, but that does not mean we are broken. We are survivors, those of us who are broken, but can pick up the pieces and keep on going, those of us who know that being broken doesn't mean that things are over. We know that just because something is broken doesn't mean that nothing can be done with it. We know that there are uses for things that are not the same as they once were. So maybe something is different, but we can use it in a different way, right?

For example, perhaps we have a broken window. It will not ever be the same window again, but perhaps the glass could be used to create something beautiful, unexpected, wonderful. Our heart might be broken by the loss of a loved one, but that does not mean we cannot ever love again, we might just love differently. A car might break down and no longer be useful, but its parts go to the junkyard to be recycled; its tires may be used for one thing, its metals for another, its other materials for yet another.

Breaking doesn't always have to be a bad thing, but because of the connotation of the word, people have come to associate it with bad things. People are always afraid of breaking something, but perhaps they should take a step back and look at what they are breaking.

Now, I am not by ANY means advocating breaking the law. That is one thing that should never be broken. Laws are set into place for a reason. I'm not telling you to go out and break a bone, because that is painful. Some things really ARE bad to break.

What I'm saying is, some of the things that people consider to be completely awful might not be so bad, if shed in a different light. Not all broken things are awful. Something that is broken can be restored into something wonderful and beautiful, something perhaps treasured even more. It just takes a bit of time, patience, creativity, and realizing that breaking something is not the end of the world

Easters past

I know I said I'd write an Easter blog (to some of my viewers), but I'm a bit short on content. Easter is pretty much the same every year, and has always been pretty similar. My most interesting Easter tale would involve Easter in Hawaii, if I remembered it, or the year it snowed on Easter in Texas, which would be a one-sentence blog not worth reading.

So, instead, I've just decided to talk about what Easter was like as a child. It wasn't really exciting, per se, except for the chocolate. My immediate family never pushed the religious aspect, really. They did the Easter bunny thing, though. We always had to go to bed early, because if we didn't, "the Easter bunny won't come if you're awake." How this ever was convincing to me, I'm not sure. Maybe it's the fact that I'm overanalytical which led me to discovering the true nature of the Easter bunny. Honestly, I don't remember, but I still went to bed early, even after "finding out," because I wanted that candy.

Of course, to me, bed "early" meant 5 minutes early, at most, and I never fell asleep early (I'm an insomniac. I never told my parents this; thus, they don't believe that I really was awake so late every night even after going to bed). When I woke up Easter morning, there was always an Easter basket filled with candy and a special little gift- one year, I got a Christina Aguilera cassette for my walkman (now I don't know where either one has gone), another year, I got a big purple stuffed peep (of whose whereabouts I also am not certain).

Then, of course, we did the Easter egg hunt thing. Sometimes they were in the couch, or in the coffee table (the top lifted and there were 2 compartments inside). This, of course, was when we lived in Killeen, in a much smaller house; I think an Easter egg hunt here would have been KILLER awesome, but by the time we moved here, I was a teenager, and  was to "be nice" to my sister (8 years younger) and let her find more, basically.

Afterward, we chose a small portion of our candy to take with us to take the (at the time) 3 hour drive to my grandparents' house, where we never visited as much as we do now that we're 2 hours closer. There, we would have another hunt at their (now dismantled) trailer house, outside. This made for some amazing hiding places for eggs!

It was always outside back then, as it is now, and they'd have the younger kids sit inside and not look out the windows as they hid the eggs. Each kid, as they do today, got a money egg; the price has gone from $2 or $3 back then to $6 now (I admit to being a little jealous), but it was always exciting to find your "money egg". It had your name on it; if you found someone else's money egg, you were to leave it be until they found it. Occasionally, we'd lose an egg or two and EVERYONE would go out searching for it, but this wasn't often. I've not participated in the hunt since they moved to their house.

They're really big on the religious aspect, though. I don't pressure it; it's a big thing for them, though, since they're super religious (compared to myself). I actually heard an interesting explanation today for the eggs and the bunny and all that, but I have forgotten it. It was something I had never heard before, and really integrated the religious part of Easter.

As I got older, it got less exciting. Now that my sister "knows", we just get some candy handed to us (which I still don't mind), and we go up there to visit, and sometimes hide eggs. We eat, and today, I overindulged in desserts. Turns out that berry flavored cheesecake tastes REALLY good with actual strawberries mixed in. *wipe drool*

Now I've got a presentation to polish, a bibliography to write, and some sleep to get before my presentation tomorrow. I also have an economics exam on Tuesday, plus all my internship stuff....and I need to see if I can meet with my field advisor on another day. It's going to be a busy week, but I keep reminding myself that after 2 more weeks, I'll be in my FINAL SEMESTER of my undergraduate degree. YAY :D

No better high

It's funny how we get so caught up in our everyday lives that we forget the little things that actually got us there. The people who have supported us, that one teacher that always helped out, that one friend that was always there; we get into this life as we become adults where we sometimes forget what it is that is driving us in the first place, and we become so task-oriented that we lose a sense of everything else that's going on in our lives.

I've kind of hit that place in my life. I've kind of lost a sense of self, because I'm putting it all into everything I'm doing, and in that process, all my friends and leisure (if I had anything that even resembled leisure to begin with) are dissipating into the distance. I feel so wrapped up in this world that when I'm not wrapped up in doing something, I wonder what it is that I've been doing all this time!

I guess it kind of gets like that when you find something you love. Anything we love. We tend to want maximum satisfaction from those things that make us happy, so we need to make the most of them. Right now, I'm doing great. This internship thing, even though I'm not paid a penny, is giving me rewards every day, when I go home and think of the things I have said, the things to say tomorrow, and everything in between.

Working with adolescents who deal with substance abuse issues isn't exactly easy, but it's so (ironically) addicting, and every high makes me want to return the next day and do something even better. It's great to say that what I'm doing every day is aiming to help people achieve goals, to make things more accessible to everyone, to help people fulfill things in their life that they may not be able to otherwise. I may not be getting paid glamorous amounts to do this, but it's a gift in itself. I don't have to have money in my hand to feel good about what I'm doing.

In the process, though, I'm leaving out the people who have been there for me, so I thought I'd say a little hello to them....HELLO! Anyone who reads here knows that I haven't been posting that much lately, mostly because my entire life has become so busy that I hardly have time to breathe, and sure, it's tiring me out, but I still feel great. And that's the whole object of life, right, to feel great about what you're doing? To me, there is no better high.

Burger Pizza

I remember in high school, our secret "code" to talk to other guard members about our crushes was to call them our "burger".

First, let me explain colorguard, shortened to guard for those of us involved. We spun flags & rifles, and on rare occasions sabres (although some groups have a much more trained sabre line) for visual entertainment. It is one activity that I wish I could still participate in, because I met a lot of fun & interesting people I would have never met otherwise. During the winter season, we broke off into our own group (in the fall we marched with the marching band) to form a group of our own, winterguard.

My time with the color and winterguards were some of the best of my high school days. We all formed very strong bonds. Being as socially inept as I am (inept- according to Random House, lacking the ability or aptitude to complete a certain task), I wasn't as closely bonded as were the rest of the members. Don't get me wrong, we were friends, and they were my closest friends during those years, I just didn't fit into the clique as well. Nevertheless, as cocaptain for one year and being involved my junior and senior year, I was still close to the inner circle. These were also the times when I had the best of my high school memories, most of them also quite entertaining lol.

Back to burgers. If you had a crush on someone, you would call that person your "burger" once everyone (in colorguard) understood of whom you were speaking. We would ask things like "have you seen your burger today? Or say things like "hey, I saw your burger down the hall".

One particular member had a burger whom we talked abou frequently, although now, 6 years later, the name escapes me). For the friend's sake, I'll just refer to her as A. Well, there was a dinner my senior year where the foreign exchange students chose one student, whomever they wanted, usually one that had been particularly welcoming, friendly, or helpful. I don't remember whether it was Teresa or Carolin that had chosen me, but I was thrilled to be chosen.

It was quite funny that A had also been invited, as well as the person with whom she was head over heels, her burger. They were at opposite ends of the table at Napoli's, an Italian restaurant directly across the street from the high school. We all saw what the others had ordered, and were entertained to see her burger order himself an entire pizza. We thought he'd never get through the whole thing, but he did!

From that point on, we also referred to him as "burger pizza" because how many other guard members had burgers that could scarf down an entire medium pizza by himself so easily? Now though, she's married and has an adorable little boy. I don't know if her burger pizza is the one she married because his name escapes me. One thing is certain, though; I will never forget burger pizza! I could probably ask A right now and I'm certain she'd laugh too.

There are so many guard memories that they can't be summed up in one blog, but one thing is certain- I'm stoked that I chose to join the guard, despite my inathleticism and ineptitude at dancing and being graceful, because those WERE the best times of my life, and if possible, I'd probably still be on a guard. Alas, things fall apart. At least I have the great memories from guard to replace or at least repress all the hurt and misunderstanding that I experiences I had during those years. They understood & respected me, gave me a bit of confidence, friendships I'll never forget, and enough memories to spend a lifetime to retell. Thank you Joshua HS colorguard/winterguard for getting me through the rest of high school after moving.

Also, I think my regular readers from all over the world- India, Croatia, Slovenia, the Netherlands, & many more, especially from the US (whom are about half my readers), those who are consistently reading, even if you ran into this blog by accident...I like that feeling I get when I know I'm being listened to, since I don't get it often. I've got more than 400 readers since I started this blog 1 September of this year- an average of over 100 a month! Thank you for the confidence boost. Remember that you can follow me if you create an account (which is quite simple) to get updates every time I post, instead of watching my page for new posts, or waiting for a link. I'd really like to see whomever it is that is reading my blog. You're also welcome to leave comments if you're a member, which would be greatly appreciated, and even include things you'd like to see in future blogs, or shoot a message at ashlw87@gmail.com :) have a nice day! Auf weidersehen!

See spot. Parking spot!!

So, today is the last class day of the semester :) AMEN!!! I had enough days present in lecture to exempt me from the final, so I don't have to stress over studying the material from the whole semester! It'll be nice to not worry about it over the weekend.

The topic today? Parrrrking. Ah, I got the idea from yesterday's Kidd Kraddick in the Morning show on KISS FM. Don't you hate it when you're waiting for a parking spot, and someone jumps in in front of you and swings into that spot? I find it rather annoying!

What I find funny about parking is the disparity in quality & cost of parking at the TCC campus and the UTA campus. You see, at TCC, parking is free, and your pass lasts 2 years. I very, very rarely have problems parking. In fact, I usually find a spot almost right away. In contrast, at UTA, I pay $112.50 for a one year parking pass, and sometimes even MISS CLASS because the parking is so awful. Sometimes, I even parked illegally in desperation to save my grades. That's pitiful, that the campus that gets more revenue from parking has such a horrible parking problem, while the campus without that same revenue has great parking.

In fact, at UTA it's kind of funny, almost a predatory game to find parking. Here's the method- you watch for a student to walk into the parking lot. The first person to fall behind that student usually gets the spot. At peak times, when classes usually release (20 after & 10 til), it can get really intense. Some people go so far as to offer the departing student a ride to their car (so they're guaranteed to get the spot).

I've never given a ride, but I admit to slowly driving behind students while they're walking to their car. I hate when people do that to me, and I kinda get a kick out of walking slowly to see who is patient enough to defend that spot. Who is desperate enough? Besides, I have nowhere to go, so no hurry! It's hilarious how far people will go to get that precious spot- remember, though, that we've paid $112.50 for those few available spots.

I've been very angry about this, because not only is the parking situation shameful, but they keep knocking out student lots to make them faculty, or destroying them altogether to build a second special events building (for sporting events and such). Why?? We already have one!! We need the parking more!!

To make matters worse, they've just built a second building for the Engineering students. Again, WHY?? My tuition money is going into a building I'll get nothing out of. Even better, they didn't add more parking for that new building, so the already packed, tiny social work lot will see a significant influx of engineering students who want close parking too. Social work parking will be destroyed starting in January. What a SHAME!! They're talking about building another garage- to which, of course, the admission will be outrageous. Hardly anyone uses the already existing garage simply because of the expense.

Typically, I don't get overly angry over losing a parking spot unless I've been waiting and missing class. Even then, I typically don't SHOW anger, except for maybe using a few choice words. Sometimes, people try to get a rise out of me, but it doesn't work very well! However, I've seen people get too angry, even aggressive, over parking, which doesn't help.

So, to wrap up, I just kinda wanna laugh over the way parking is created and maintained, and especially the hawk-like behavior of people looking for a spot. You may feel victorious over finding a spot right away, but remember the people who have been waiting. Doesn't mean you should give up the spot, but at least use common courtesy (even in desperate times), and don't steal spots. Since it's a really important time of year for retail, I think this is a rational suggestion, and hopefully it'll spark some thought in those who really want to think about others and use respect.

Auf weidersehen!